


Scars and Healing

by silenceisdeafening



Series: Scars and Healing [1]
Category: Death Note (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Age Play, Age Regression/De-Aging, Alive L (Death Note), Angry Light, Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, Baby L, Bisexual L (Death Note), But it will be fixed, Chains, Child Abuse, Communication Failure, Crying, Cuddling & Snuggling, Daddy Light, Diapers, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Fever, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Gay Light Yagami, Gen, Good Watari, Good Yagami Light, How Do I Tag, How it that not a tag, Hugs, Hurt/Comfort, Idiots in Love, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, L Lawiet is a Brat, L Likes Hugs, L Wins (Death Note), L is a Little Shit (Death Note), L is touch-starved, L needs to use his words, L's Fucked Up Past, Lack of Communication, Light Angst, Light Yagami Has a Heart, Little L, Little Space, M/M, Nightmares, Non-Sexual Age Play, Pacifiers, Papa Watari, Past Abuse, Past Child Abuse, Past Rape/Non-con, Platonic Cuddling, Rape/Non-con Elements, Separation Anxiety, Sharing a Bed, Sickfic, Sleepy Cuddles, So does Light, Stuffed Toys, Teddy Bears, Temper Tantrums, Thumb-sucking, Touch-Starved, autistic L, but he is cute, haha - Freeform, time outs
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-09
Updated: 2020-11-01
Packaged: 2021-03-05 03:41:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 24
Words: 55,048
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25157935
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/silenceisdeafening/pseuds/silenceisdeafening
Summary: L is desperately trying to keep a secret from everyone. It's kind of hard when chained to someone.
Relationships: L/Yagami Light
Series: Scars and Healing [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2018990
Comments: 196
Kudos: 534





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * Translation into Español available: [Cicatrices y Curación](https://archiveofourown.org/works/26522872) by [Annie_21](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Annie_21/pseuds/Annie_21), [silenceisdeafening](https://archiveofourown.org/users/silenceisdeafening/pseuds/silenceisdeafening)



> This takes place during the yotsuba arc, so Light has no memories and all that. 
> 
> Honestly IDK what is going on. I pulled an L and have been up for over 24 hours. 
> 
> I apologize for all OOCness. I think most of L's OOcness is because of him being so close to little space and the anxiety attack. 
> 
> This is my first time writing these two idiots, so please be kind.

Scars have always been a part of L's life. The only time that his skin had been clear was when he was an infant. At merely six months old, his father extinguished a cigarette on his upper arm. That was his first scar, and it had faded into nothingness over time. Unforchantly, that was not the same with all of his scars. 

L's scars were the reason that he always pants and long sleeves. Pants covered his mother's wedding ring and cuts made by his own hands. His shirt concealed his father's cigarettes and other children's blows and pushes. The black bracelet on his right wrist covered children's words. His clothes shielded his hurt from the world, and L was more than happy about that. He did not want the questions that would come with these types of marks.

L had a coping mechanism that was unorthodox, but not detrimental to his health as carving lines and into his thigh. 

It started as a teenager when he would sneak into the playroom at Wammy's House and steal coloring books. He would then go into his private room, play a children's show or movie, and sit to color for hours. 

One day, while reading documents concerning the case he was working- he was confident that he knew who behind these crimes and the paper will prove it- Wammy entered his room.

"I have noticed that a few coloring books have disappeared from the playroom."

L looked toward the older man and bit the inside of his lip, scared that he was in trouble for taking the coloring books. He noticed that the older man carried a paper bag, though he could not tell what was in it. 

"I took them," L stated, "they are good for stress relief." 

"Well," Wammy started, stepping forward, "next time you want something, simply ask me," he sat the bag next to L. The teen reached in and pulled out four coloring books. Two were adult books, while the others were aimed at children. 

"I do not want you to start the habit of sneaking around with me," Wammy told him, "you know that you can tell me whatever you need."

"Thank you, Mr. Wammy," L said because nothing else needed to be said, he understood what Wammy was trying to communicate. He stood to put the coloring book where he had hid the rest.

"Near and Mello want you to read to them today," Wammy told him.

L nodded, "tell them I will be with them as soon as I can." L sat down and continued reading the report. 

Wammy left L's room. 

...

It all grew from there. L realized that he had a side of him that was- for lack of a better word- childish. This side of him wanted to play with toys, color, suck his thumb, and snuggle with the few stuffed animals he had. 

At first, L was concerned about these feelings and tried to push it down, but that made him feel worse than when he gave into it. When he gave into that side of him, he was able to focus better on cases and keep his emotions in check.

Luckily there was research on the matter, so L had a name for it when he was seventeen years old. Age regression. L learned that it was a way to cope with the world and past trauma. It was a form of therapy, so it was healthy. The realization caused L to become more secure it the childish side of him- called Little Space- and experiment with it more. 

L knew that he regressed to about 12-18 months old. Little him loved banging his toys together, babbling, squealing, and being noisy in general. He also loved his pacifiers when he was able to get his hands on some, and he loved snuggling with his stuffies. Surprisingly, taking naps were also a big part of being in Little Space. 

No one, not even Wammy, knew about this side of him, and L was determined to keep it that way. 

...

L hated the Kira investigation. Hated that he had to work with other people. Hated Aizawa's anger issues, Matsuda's naivety, Misa's voice and clinginess, Soichiro Yagami's undying loyalty to his son, Light's arrogance and the fact that he would not admit he was Kira. If the man would simply admit he was Kira, all of L's problems could be solved. He could move on to another important case in a few weeks, but in between that time, he could be as little as he wanted to. 

L sighed as he thought about being little. He wanted to so bad, and he had not gotten the chance in what felt like forever. At the beginning of the case, he was able to slip at night because he was not chained to anyone, but now he did not get that chance. He knew being chained to Light was no one's fault but his own, but that did not stop him from sulking about it like a child he so desperately wanted to be. 

Light looked behind him, at L. While L agreed to unchain them for his outdoor date with Misa, the older man refused to let them go alone. While Misa was angry and whined about it for a few minutes, Light was able to calm her down. Both Light and L were thankful for Light's ability to persuade Misa to do anything he wanted. The sooner that they started the date, the sooner it was over with. 

Light was surprised that L had managed to keep quiet during the date. He usually would have something to say by now, but he was silent, just following Light and Misa around like a lost puppy. 

Light thought back to the last few weeks. L had been abnormally quiet for about three weeks now. Not that L talked too much, to begin with, but it was downright creepy now. Every attempt to get him to talk when it was not about the case had failed. L would snap back with a remark about Light being Kira-like or that he was too tired or not in the mood. Light had all but given up, but he knew that something was wrong with L and wanted to reach him somehow. Light also knew that he should not care about L. The man locked him away for fifty days, chained Light to him, and was all around an asshole that he did not want to deal with anymore. But, there was a part of him that did not like to see L look so down and wanted to help him. 

'How can I help him,' Light thought, 'when he won't even speak to me.'

Light was dragged out of his thoughts by Misa saying, "Light, you're not paying attention to Misa Misa," with a pout. 

Light put on a fake, charming smile and said, "I'm sorry, Misa. I simply spaced out." 

"Thinking of Misa Misa?" she asked, holding onto Light's arm tightly and snuggling into his shoulder. 

Light tried his hardest not to cringe back. His arm felt like there were needles in them from the contact. His smile became strained as he said, "yeah," Light cleared his throat, "so what were you saying?" 

"I was hoping that we could get something to eat. There is a great roman shop a few minutes from here." 

"Sounds great," Light said, the statement making him realize that he was getting hungry. He looked back at L, who was chewing on his thumb and met his eyes as soon as Light looked back. "sound good to you, Ryuzaki?"

L just nodded, as if saying yes would hurt him. 

Little did Light know that L was struggling not to slip into his little head space. The man wanted to go to his room alone and put on a diaper, get into his baby clothes, suck on one of his pacifiers, play and snuggle with his stuffies, and take a nap. L bit down on his thumb harder, ignoring the iron taste, to try and get these ideas out of his head. He did not need to be thinking about his little side while on a case. Especially when he was trailing behind two of the most dangerous criminals that he ever worked on. But it was so hard.

Nothing of interest had happened yet, just following the fake (on Light's side) couple. He was starting to get a headache from Misa's voice, and his feet were beginning to hurt. They had been walking for about forty minutes, and after food, L knew that they would go back to the tower, and they could get back to work. L could more easily ignore the side of him, screaming to be little. 

Suddenly a putrid smell penetrated his olfactory system. He covered his nose and gaged. His chest got painfully tight, and he heard his heart in his ears. He felt like he could not breathe. Was he having a heart attack? Did Kira finally get him?

Light looked back at L when he heard the older man gag, thinking that the older man was going to vomit. L was covering his mouth and nose, his breathing was short and labored and short, and he was shaking. Light felt a pang of worry go through him.

"Ryuzaki, you're shaking, what's wrong," Light said, taking two steps toward L. 

L heard Light, but it sounded like his voice was underwater. It took L much longer than it should have to process the words. He was shaking? L looked down at the hand that was not covering his mouth and nose. He was, indeed, shacking. He also felt too hot. Way too hot for a chilly October afternoon. He was sweating, but there were also chills running through him. What was wrong? He was not having a heart attack but an anxiety attack. 

L tried to take a deep breath, but that only caused his chest to tighten more, and the fish smell became unbearable. The smell that was the trigger, L acknowledged. The man knew that if he was thinking clearly, he would have realized that sooner. That did not matter right now. He had to get away from the fish to stop the attack. 

With that thought, he ran. He did not care about Light or Misa. He needed to get to safety to stop the crushing feeling of fear. 

"Ryuzaki!" L heard Light shout his alias. He heard footsteps behind him. He could not stop. He needed to get a safe space. Where was safety? He did not know. But he had to run.

Light could not believe the turn of events. One minute he was trying to ignore Misa's ramblings, the next, he was chasing after the world's greatest detective. 

"Ryuzaki, slow down," Light shouted, but the older man would not stop. 

Luckily, for Light, he was faster than L and was able to grab him by the shoulder. 

L gasped when he felt a hand on his shoulder, and he was being pulled backward. L let out a sound somewhere between a gasp and a yelp. L's vision blurred with tears.

L was sent back to a cold, dark ally that was filled with pain and terror. Where a man that smelled like fish killed a part of him.

"No, no," L whimpered- fucking whimpered as he dropped to the ground and cowered in his normal sitting position. 

Light was at a loss, and he did not like the feeling. He usually knew what to do in all situations, but not this one. Not when the stoic detective was freaking out. He was silently crying and whizzing on the pavement—they where attracting eyes. Light keeled down so that he could see L and hide him from others. 

"Ryuzaki," Light said in a gentle voice, surprising himself, but he supposed a more gentle touch would be the best at the moment. "What's wrong?" 

Light's voice brought him out of his flashback, "a-anxiety a-attack. Fi-fish smell," L stammered, "call Wa-Watari, pl-please." 

"Okay, Ryuzaki," Light said, pulling out his phone and pressing number 4 on speed dial. He then turned to Misa- who thankfully did not say anything yet- and asked, "do you have anything strong-smelling?" He knew that passing the fish market, and subsequently the fishy smell had triggered this reaction. Maybe if he introduced a new scent to L, it would help L calm down. 

Misa dug around in her purse and pulled out hand sanitizer and gave in to Light. The man did not think that sniffing hand sanitizer was not the best thing in the world, but Light did not care about that at the moment. He simply needed L to calm down. 

"Here, L," Light said, the older man's real name slipping out. He held the open hand sanitizer under L's nose so that he could smell it.

L smelled... flowers. He blinked away the tears in his eyes, not caring when they traveled down his cheeks and fell onto the sidewalk below him. He saw the pink sanitizer that Light held under his nose. L was very thankful for Lights quick thinking at a time like this. L left a shaking hand to hold the bottle too. L could hear Light briefly explain to Watari where they were and what was happening, but L did not pay too much attention. He tried to focus on the scent of the hand sanitizer chasing away the stench of fish. 

After hanging up the phone, Light placed his free hand on L's back in between his shoulder blades, feeling the tense, shaking muscles under L's white shirt. "Now, take deep breaths." 

L tried to mimic Light's breathing, but all it did was send pain through his chest. 

"C-can't breathe," L whined. 

Light sighed, "yes, you can, L, you are hyperventilating, that means you can breathe," playing into the logical side of L. If L knew what was going on with his body, then he would be able to calm down. "Right now, we need you to breathe deeply."

"Hu-hurts," L whimpered, "Pl-please help. Huwts." L's free hand raised to grasp Light's shirt. 

L could feel himself slipping, and that caused a new wave of anxiety to course through him. He could slip in public. Not in front of Light, his prime (and only) suspect in the mass murders of thousands of people. But the overwhelming sense of terror and that The Man was chasing him and was going to hurt L again, he could not help it. Hopefully, Light would think that any childish behavior or silence was a reaction to him having an anxiety attack. 

Light took his hand off of L's back and placed it on the hand, clinging to his shirt. He placed L's hand over his heart so that the older man could feel Light's heartbeat and breathing. It seemed intimate, but Light did not care, and L also did not seem to care either. If this helped L calm down faster than it was worth it. 

"I know," Light said. He had never experienced an anxiety attack before, but he had researched it out of curiosity. It sounded horrible, and Light was happy that he never had one. However, researching anxiety attacks was much different than seeing one in real life, and while he would never admit it scared him to see one. 

"Just follow me, okay?" Light said, taking an over exaggerated breath for L to copy. 

Usually, L would have argued about 'following' anyone, but right now, he was too scared and too close to little space to fight about anything. So, he followed Light's breathing, feeling the calm heartbeat, and breathing beneath his fingers helped considerably. 

By the time that L was mostly calm, a black, tinted limo pulled up next to them. Watari hurried out of the limo and to his charge. He placed a hand on the man's back, ignoring L's flinch. 

"Let's get back to the tower, my boy," Watari told him, dragging the man to his feet with the help of Light.

"'m-'m fine," L said, trying to squirm away from the other two stubbornly. He already embarrassed himself in the middle of Tokyo, he did not need any more help. 

Watari tightened his hold on L, not enough to hurt him but enough to make his point clear. L was not getting away that easily. 

"You most certainly are not, Ryuzaki," Watari said firmly but gently, "you are going back to the tower, getting some proper food, and resting. When we get back, I do not want to see you working for at least two hours." 

Light looked up at Watari in surprise. He had never seen the old man order L around like this, it was usually the other way around. It made Light rethink the relationship between L and Watari.

L, knowing there was no way he was getting out of what Watari wanted him to do relaxed into Watari and Lights hold. He let them led him to the limo with Misa trailing behind. Plus, it felt good to be taken care of when he was so close to little space- maybe he could indulge in his little side for just a little bit.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fluff... that is all I had to say. Pure fluff and overthinking.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope that this is not repetitive with L and Light's thoughts.   
> I also apologize that this is a short chapter more plot will be introduced next chapter.

Light sat on his and L's bed with a book in his lap. He was not actually reading but looking at L out of the corner of his eye. The older man was curled up in the fetal position on his right side, back to Light. He could tell that L was not asleep. His shoulders were tense, and his breathing was much too shallow to be sleeping. Light knew that if he could see L's hands, he would be clinching his stuffed rabbit. When Light first saw the rabbit, he teased the older man about it. L had told Light that it was one of the only stuffed animals that he had from his childhood—that had shut Light up. Light knew L did not have the best childhood, so if the rabbit brought him some sort of comfort, Light would not make fun of him. 

"Please stop staring at me, Light," L said, startling Light out of his thoughts. He did not realize he was now looking at L full on. 

"Oh, sorry, Ryuzaki," Light apologized, turning back to his book, still not reading it. 

L worried his bunny's (Pomme's) ear between his thumb and forefinger, trying to resist the urge to suck on his thumb. He was exhausted from his anxiety attack, but he could not sleep. He was still battling himself with the need to be little. The same thoughts that he had been fighting with for the past few weeks. He could not cope anymore by being subtly little. Sucking his thumb and holding Pomme while he was sleeping was no longer working. Watching children's movies and shows on his laptop when Light was asleep was no longer enough. It had not been enough for a while now. 

L did not know how to fix it. He needed to stay handcuffed to Light until he was sure that Light was not Kira, and that would never happen. L would not have any privacy until Light admitted he was Kira, or L got sufficient evidence. But it felt that would never happen. L felt like he was going to slip in the middle of the Investigation Room with the entire Task Force. That very thought was terrifying. He did not want anyone to know. Everyone would judge him, and the team would not want him. He knew that if he did not let himself slip soon, that he would regress involuntarily. That had only happened once when he was a teenager. Luckily he had been at Wammy's House at the time, so he could go into his private room and lock the door. Now, he did not have an option such as that. It was regressing voluntarily in front of Light and risk embarrassing himself in front of the younger man or slipping involuntarily and making a fool of himself in front of Light and the Task Force. There were no good options, and L could not think of anything else to do. He knew that he might be able to think of what else he could do if he got some sleep, but once again, L could not sleep. 

"Hush, Ryuzaki," Light said in a gentle tone. As if L was a child. L would have complained about Light's tone of voice under normal circumstances, but he could not find it in himself to object. It felt too good to be spoken to like a little kid. 

"I'm not talking," L responded, not looking at Light. He was not talking out loud. Was he? 

"You're thinking too loud," Light rebutted, looking at the smaller man. 

"You cannot hear my thoughts, Light," L told him. 

Light sighed and decided to change the subject, "you're supposed to take a nap."

"Can't sleep," L said, rolling over to his back, keeping his knees bent, looking up at Light, there eyes meeting. Opposed to popular opinion, L did not dislike sleep. He wished that he could sleep more like Light, but cases or the past got into his mind, and it never stopped. So, the man went until he passed out wherever he was or until he could make his mind slow by regressing. 

"Well, Watari said two hours, so we have an hour to rest. You might as well try." 

"My mind won't shut up," L complained. 

Light did not know what to say to that. He never had problems sleeping. He was a get up at six and go to bed at ten or eleven type of a guy. He had to adjust his sleep schedule to accommodate L's lack of one. Light forced L to retire to the bed by twelve. Most nights, L stayed up all night or fell asleep hours after Light. There were a few times that Light woke up to find L snoring by his side.

"What are you reading?" L asked when Light did not respond after a few seconds. L hated awkward silence. It made him feel anxious. 

"Harry Potter," Light told him, showing him the cover of his book. 

L left his thumb to his lip and chewed on his thumbnail. He wanted Light to read to him. He remembered that when he was a small child, Watari would read to him when he could not sleep, and it would help him. In a way, L wished that the elderly man would have never stopped, but L understood. He had not been a little kid, and there were so many other children with more trauma that he had and needed Watari's attention. Other children had needed to be read to at night, and Watari was doing his best. 

But that was the past, and right now, he wanted to be read to again. He was nervous about asking Light to read to him, however. While they were physically close all the time, they were not emotionally close. L was sure that they did not like each other even though he did like the version of Light that the younger man was portraying, but L did not know if this was truly Light. No matter, they were not close enough for L to ask this type of favor. Not only that, but he was worried that Light might make fun of him. He did not let Light's insults (playful or otherwise) get to him and would trade taunts with the man. He was sensitive because he was so close to slipping, and L was not sure if he could take the insults right now. 

On the other hand, L knew that if he did not do something to distract his mind, he would not get any sleep anytime soon. He needed to sleep to in order to think more clearly and get over the crippling exhaustion that was filling his entire being. He felt like he had not slept in three days and was about to pass out. 

L swallowed and decided to bite the metaphorical bullet and ask, the worst that Light could do was hurl a few insults, and L could turn around and ignore him. 

"Can you read it to me, Light?" he asked, pulling his thumb away from his mouth. 

"Wha'?" Light asked, surprised by the question. He looked at L like he grew a second head. 

"I need something else for my mind to focus in order to slow it down so that I can sleep as you seem to want me to," L explained in his monotone voice. His mask fully on, so that Light could not read his face. 

"Whatever it takes to help you get some damn sleep," Light muttered, shaking his head. He held his book higher so that he could read easier, turned back to the first page, and read aloud, "Mr. and Mrs. Dursley of number four, Privet Drive, were proud to say that they were perfectly normal, thank you very much," Light read in a calm and quiet voice. 

L turned to his left side so that he could face Light. He curled up and held Pomme close to his chest as he listened to Light's voice. The ups and downs of his tone helped distract his mind so that it could finally slow down. His breath deepened, and his eyes closed without him knowing. As Light continued, L's thumb inched it's way to his mouth until he was rhythmically sucking on the digit. 

L was finally asleep. 

When Light heard the soft snoring beside him, he looked down at L and sighed. As much as he wanted to hate L, he had to admit (at least to himself) that the older man was cute when he slept. His features softened, and he looked years younger. Plus, L slept with a stuffed animal and sucking his thumb, so he looked like a child. 

Light smiled and absentmindedly ran his fingers through L hair. L hummed past his thumb and moved closer to Light in his sleep. 

Light turned his attention back to his book and continued to read out loud. Fingers still going through L's hair.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I appreciate any and all kudos and comments and everyone reading this.   
> As always, if you have a request of what you want to see in this story, leave them in the comments.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> L regresses.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy!!!!!

After L's hour-long nap, him and Light went back downstairs and got back to work. 

The rest of the day went by normally as if L did not have an anxiety attack two hours before, aside from the sympathetic, pitying stares of the rest of the team. Watari had to have told them that something was wrong with L, but he was positive that Watari would never have told them what really happened. Thankfully, no one said anything, but there were unspoken words that L could hear. He ignored them and typed on his computer and worked. He worked and ignored everything, including the thoughts and feelings that were trying to overtake his mind. 

...

L hated the night time. First, the dark went from being bothersome but tolerable with the slight feeling of dread in his veins to intolerable and terrifying with monsters hiding in the shadows. He slept with a nightlight when he was not chained to anyone. Snuggling with Pomme, sucking his thumb, and the light of his laptop got him through the later. Plus, another person being in bed with him got him through the night. Not only was there darkness at night, but his thoughts also tended to get the best of him. He had freaked out multiple times during the night. This was especially true when he had not slept in days or if he was regressed. 

Right now, while the dark was bearable, he was trying to think about the situation he was in without giving in to the stress that goes along with it. Think about it like a case, he told himself. He already knew his problem and objective. He could not be little, and it was starting to take a toll on his mental health and how he thought and acted, so he needed time to be little, but he could not. Know came the hard part, thinking of ways that he could pull this off. 

Sometimes the problems are complicated, but the answers are simple, L reminded himself. What if he unchained himself from Light for a little bit? L wanted to dismiss that thought as soon as it popped into his head. He could not unchain Light no matter what. Not until he knew that the younger man was not Kira. That was that deal. At the same time, it was truly the only way that he could regress. Perhaps he could unchain himself from Light for a short amount of time each day. Two hours a day. That might be enough time for him to be little, but not enough time for Light to plan anything if he was Kira. Watari would watch Light closely on severance and report to him if the younger man did anything suspicious. This might also be a good way to see if Light and Misa were Kira or not. If Light did anything during the two hours, then L would have him. This could end up being a win-win situation. 

L smirked, the plan could be one of his best in a while. 

...

"Two hours?" Light asked in surprise. He never expected L to unchain them ever.

"Yes," L said with a nod, "do you not like this, Light?" though he knew that answer. 

"Of course not," Light quickly said, before L could change his mind, "I'm surprised is all." 

"I have other cases that require my attention," L lied smoothly before he had the chance to continue, Aizawa shouted from across the room-

"What about the Kira investigation? We are swamped with documents and trying to figure out what is going on with the new Kira killings! And you are going to work on other cases for two hours!" 

L turned his blank stare to Aizawa, trying his best not to flinch at the yelling. He hated yelling, and while he did not hate Aizawa, he became annoyed with the shouting and angry outbursts quickly. 

"Not that this conversation is any of your business, Aizawa," L started, hands in his pockets, "but to address your concerns. I am still working and care about the Kira investigation. If I were not, you would not be here. For the past week, we have been reading documents and researching. If you cannot handle that without Light and me being handcuffed, then perhaps you should also go home for a couple of hours, Aizawa." 

L turned back around, non-verbally telling Aizawa that their conversation was over. Though he could say so much more. Everyone else, including Light, got a two-hour break every day, but L said that he was going to do his own thing for a couple of hours a day, and he gets yelled at. It was not fair. 

"Light will not be able to leave the building, but he could go anywhere he wants to. Light will also be watched on surveillance during this time," L said to Light, taking the key out of his pocket and unlocked the handcuff attached to Light's wrist. Light rubbed his wrist that had become accustomed to the weight of the cuff. L then uncuffed himself and laid the handcuff on his chair to reattach them later. 

"Understood, Ryuzaki," Light said, still stunned about the handcuffs being taken off. He had no idea what he could do with the two hours, but he was thankful even though he did not know what L was getting at. This had to be apart of L's game. He must be waiting for Light to make a mistake that would somehow prove that he was Kira. So, Light was going to take this opportunity and make L see that he was a normal eighteen-year-old man. 

...

L tried not to let his excitement show as he left the investigation room, but when he got into the elevator, he smiled. He finally, after weeks of his little side yelling and crying at him to regress, he would get that chance. He felt tears of happiness prick the back of his eyes, but he did not let them fall. He did not want to cry while regressed, it always turned into sods, and he hated that. He was supposed to be happy while little. 

L pulled out his phone and set his alarm for one and a half hours later. 

L practically skipped into his room, where he went over to his closet (Light had his own closet). He had a secret door in the closet that led to where all his little things were stored. No one knew of this secret door, and no one ever would. 

L placed his thumb to his lips. He needed to chose what to wear. He could wear his space onesies or stripes or cars or Tigger or Pooh or kitty or puppy. L bounced on his toes. He chose his panda onesie. It was a long sleeve black onesie that said, "I know, I know" above a picture of a big, fat panda bear then under it said, "I'm cute."

He then turned to his four-compartment shelving unit. The first level of the shelves stored the diapers that he had. He picked the thickest diaper that he had, knowing that it would make him feel extra little. One of the bottom shelves held most of his blocks, and the other held his coloring books and crayons and coloring pencils. A container on top of the cabinet held his pacifiers and bottles and sippy cups. He picked up one of his pacifiers- it was red- and popped it in his mouth. L closed his eyes and relaxed, a small hum leaving his mouth. As much as he liked to suck his thumb, his pacifier was much better. He knew it was because he could not be weaned off of his pacifier until he was eight years old and in Wammy's House. His parents had not cared if he used a pacifier when he was an older kid because it kept him quiet. 

L whimpered and sucked on his pacifier harder and shook his head as if to cast out those thoughts physically. He did not want to think about those things right now. It was too sad. 

L grabbed a pair of black sweets and quickly changed his clothes, throwing his big boy clothes in a random direction. He could put them back on when he was done. 

L could feel himself slip rapidly and smiled. "I baby," he whispered to himself contentedly and clapped. He was finally regressed, and he could not be happier. 

L decided to play in the closet. It was big enough to play comfortably and move around as he wanted. Plus, it would be easier to clean up when the alarm went off. 

Pulling out his blocks and dragging them in front of him. He dumped the bin of blocks, and the baby giggled. He loved the bright colors. L started to stack the blocks up to seven. He then pushed over the tower, saying, "boom!" loudly, then laughed aloud and clapped. "Yay, yay!" the baby giggled. L then rebuilt his tower and pushed it over a few more times, giggles getting louder every time. It was so funny! 

L suddenly realized that his throat felt funny he swallowed, then recognized that he was thirsty. The baby whimpered. He stood and pulled out a bottle, then started to walk toward his and Light's kitchen. 

The baby thought about how much easier getting a drink would be if he had a caretaker. He never thought about having a caretaker before, as he thought that he would never be able to have one. L never got out that much and never talked to other people. People tended to make him nervous when he was not working a case. But now that he was thinking about having a caretaker, so much more would be more simple when he was regressed. He would not have to worry about diapers or changing his clothes or food or bottles that would all be handled by a caretaker. He would also have someone to play with and rock him to sleep and read him stories and snuggle with him. That all sounded so nice, and now that he was thinking about it, he longed for it.

But there was just no way that he could get a caregiver- his work would not allow for that to happen. He would need someone that would be willing to travel with him and/or work alongside him. No one would be willing or able to do that. He then thought of... Light. 

Light was super smart like L and wanted to be a detective, so in theory, he could be a caregiver. Light was also could be very kind. He helped L calm down from his anxiety attack and read him to sleep. He was also treated L with more kindness than most people ever showed him. He treated him like a person. L also knew that Light would not be scared to discipline him. L knew that if he had a caregiver, he would push their buttons just to see what he could get by with him. The man nagged him until he ate "real food" as he called it and slept at times. He was also not afraid not to call L out when he was being bad or rude, and he did not do it in a scary way like Aizawa's yelling. It could be nice. L knew that it would never happen, but without his adult filter, it was nice to think about the slim possibility that Light could be his caregiver. 

He filled his bottle up with juice and returned to his closet to play. He continued to build and push over until his alarm went off, and he sighed in disappointment. The baby did not want to stop being a baby, but he knew he had to. 

So, he shed off his panda onesie and dry diaper, hanging his onesie up and throwing his diaper in the trash in the closet and put on his big boy clothes. L picked up his blocks and put them where they belonged and plucked his pacifier out of his mouth, and put it back in the container of his pacifiers and bottles. L picked up his bottle to wash and put it back. Once his space was clean, he closed the secret door.

It was not until he was back into his adult headspace that he realized the repercussions of the thoughts that his little side had. He had thought of a possibly dangerous mass murder as his caretaker of an extremely vulnerable part of himself. 

'Fuck,' L thought to himself, 'I'm in trouble.'

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Firstly, *you could not convince me he would not have an onesie like that. He is cute and knows it.  
> Second, I do not mean for this chapter to seem Aizawa bashing. I do like Aizawa, but his temper gets on my nerves sometimes and I am rewatching Death Note and for whatever Aizawa's temper is irritating me so I needed to rant. 
> 
> Third, next chapter L is going to act like a brat toward Light to try and prove his little side wrong. I have a few ideas on what I want him to do, but if you want something to happen, leave it below.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> L acts like a brat, Light gets angry.  
> "We were NEVER friends."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope this chapter is not too OOC. I was hesitant about publishing because of Light's reactions.

L knew what he needed to do. The thoughts that his little side had was potentially dangerous, and he had to admit he was getting close to Light. Closer than he had let anyone in a while. There were not many people who could calm him down from his anxiety attacks or that he would tell a powerful trigger to or that he would let read him to sleep. There were not many people that he would sleep around if he knew that they were awake or if L thought they could wake up in the time that he was asleep. There was no one that he would let inside of his past, even a little bit. His parents were not nice; he remembered saying that when he caught Light staring at the scars on his shoulders and arms. He had not let anyone this close. Not since... no, he was not going there.

Something had changed in those fifty days when Light was in confinement, that much L knew since he saw Misa's hair move when it should have been impossible. Something had changed the very core of who Light was. He was not as arrogant as he was when they first met. He was not uncaring- L remembered Light's dead, possibly annoyed look that he had when L had first heard about shinigami and the eyes. He would not give him that look anymore. He cared. Before Light would fake a look of care and happiness, even his laugh was fake. It was not fake anymore, and that L knew. One could not fake what L had seen in the past two months. The only time that L saw Light fake anything was around Misa. Not around L, not anymore. Light had shown him his true colors in the past couple of months, and they were pretty. They were good. But no matter how pretty or good those colors were, L knew that Light had at least once been Kira, and as much as L did not want to Light to become Kira again. L knew that he could. If L let Light remain this close, he could end up terribly hurt. He could die. 

So, L needed to push Light away. That should be easy since he knew what pushed the younger man's buttons, and he had pushed so many other people away. 

...

L started acting out his plan at night. He knew how much Light liked to sleep, and he learned very early on that Light was grumpy the next morning without enough sleep and did not get the amount of work that he should. So, L begrudgingly retired to bed at 12 each night when Light needed to. L also tried not to wake Light up when he needed to do something, and he would chain his cuff to the bed so Light would not do anything if he woke up. 

That night he had already made up three excuses to wake the younger man up. The first time it was easy enough to make it look like an accident, and Light had told him to shut up, and he rolled over and fell back to sleep a second later. 

The second time, L had shaken Light awake with the lie that he needed to go to the bathroom. Light had been confused about why L had woken him up for that. L had accidentally woken him up a few times in the past, chaining him to the bed, but he did not (anymore) wake him to do something in the night. Had not for months.

Light had been drowsy and still not fully awake when L had woken him up, so he had followed L with a sleepy groan and sat down next to the bathroom door while L took care of his business. The man closed his eyes, and his head rolled forward, dozing off without meaning too. 

A few seconds later, Light had felt L's foot gently nudge his leg. Light had moaned and opened his eyes, looking up at L.

"If Light wants to sleep on the floor, Light can stay there," L had said after a second of Light sitting still. 

Light had huffed in irritation and said, "shut up," as he stood. 

L had bit his lip as Light trudged to the bed, Light was so cranky when he was woken up. 

The third time, Light had been less drowsy and more angry. 

"Really, Ryuzaki?" Light had said with annoyance in his tone, "this is the third time tonight. What can you possibly want?" 

"Cake," L had said with a bedpan stare. 

"Don't you have sweets in your bedside table?" Light had asked.

"Yes, but I want cake," L had said, chewing on his thumbnail.

Light had huffed again. What the hell was L playing at? Was he trying to make him annoyed and angry? Did L want to make him snap at him? He knew what Light was like when he did not get enough sleep. 

"You can't go an hour without sweets, can you? Fucking sugar addict," Light had grumbled. That might have been harsh, but in that moment, Light had not cared. He had been tired, and L kept waking him up for no reason. 

"I can go more than an hour without sweets, Light," L had said, "Light exaggerates my dependence on sugar."

"At least you admit dependence on it," Light had muttered, forced out of his bed when L had started walking away. 

L had gotten his cake and took it back to bed. Light had cringed; he hated when L ate on the bed. It left crumbs everywhere and was gross, but he had not been willing to argue with the older man. He had laid back down and fell back asleep, easily ignoring L's lound eating through months of practice. 

Now, L sat with his feet under him and knees to his chest, staring at Light. The younger had gotten mad at him, insulting him and using curse words, but L wanted to push him more. Those little interruptions of sleep would not be enough for his plans tomorrow... well later that today. One more interruption and waking him up early should be enough. 

L shook his shoulder once more to wake Light up. Light reacted by hitting L's hand and huffing in anger. L yanked his hand back at the sharp burst of pain. He resisted the urge to kick Light's back, L did not want to have a physical fight in the middle of the night, no matter how much he believed in an eye for an eye. 

Light looked like he was about to fall back asleep, so L shook him again. 

"What do you want, Ryuzaki?" Light said with a tight voice. He was trying not to snap at L, that never did anything good, but he was making it hard. 

"I need to go to the restroom," L said. He did not have an idea of what he was going to say when he woke Light up again, so L went back to his second excuse. 

Light sat up and looked at his alarm clock. It was four in the morning, and they needed to wake up in three hours. 

"You just went a couple hours ago," Light said, laying back down, back to L, "hold it." 

L squirmed as if he did need to go to the bathroom, "get up," L demanded, nudging Light. 

"Why don't you chain me to the bed?" Light asked, ignoring how that would sound to any outside person. 

"Light has already been out of the handcuffs for two hours," L responded, nudging Light harder. 

"Not out of the handcuff if I'm cuffed to the bed," Light pointed out, sitting up and looking at L. 

L nibbled on his thumb and shook his head, "Light, get up." 

"No," Light said simply, plopping back down, "if you want to go to the bathroom so bad, chain me to the bed." 

L pushed Light hard enough for Light to almost hit the floor, "get up." 

Light caught himself, grunting do to the force of L's push. He took his pillow and hit L with it as hard as he could in his face, smirking when he heard L grunt. Light was not surprised when he felt the pillow hit his head with such force on his head that he fell against the bed. 

Light, however, was surprised by the "get up, Light!" Light was not surprised by the words but the tone. L did not shout often, Light had only heard him yell twice in the almost year that he had known him. He almost always spoke in a monotone, soft voice when speaking one on one.

Light brushed off his shock and glared at the older man before practically growling, "stubborn bastard," he pushed the blankets off of him and got onto his feet. 

Light stood outside the bathroom for the second time that night, leaning up against the wall with his arms crossed. He was glaring at the opposite wall as if it was the wall's fault that L woke him up several times. He hated L right now. He wanted to sleep.

"Light is pouting," L observed once he got out the bathroom, getting into Light's personal space. 

"Stop waking me up," Light snapped, getting back into bed. 

Unlike the other three times, Light was not able to go back to sleep as easily. He was too angry at L to fall back asleep. He was also slightly concerned about L. He never changed his behavior without a good reason, and the whole 'Light has already been out of the handcuffs for two hours' was not a good enough reason for him. Something might still be wrong with L, and he was acting out like a child because of it. Or he was trying to annoy Light enough to somehow prove that he was Kira or raise his Kira percentage. In a way, he hoped that it was the latter. He could deal with L being more of an asshole than usual for a while. If it was the former, Light did not know what to do. 

...

Light was going to beat L. 

Not as in win a game, no, he was going to take his belt off and hit L repeatedly and violently and not give L the chance to fight back. His father being in the same room, be damned. 

The multiple interruptions during the night were not where L trying to annoy Light to death stopped. Unfortunately for Light, L knew how to push all of Light's buttons, and he was. It was all little things- repeatedly dropping his fork and pulling on the chain while leaning down to pick it up. He was eating louder than normal, interrupting Light's work, and looking over his shoulder. Like what he was doing right now.

"Back up, Ryuzaki," Light practically begged, pushing on the other man's shoulder to make him back away. He hated it when L violated his personal space. 

"Whatever you say, Kira," L muttered just loud enough for Light to hear him. 

Light breathed in and out deeply. Punishment for assault can be up to two years in jail and a fine of up to 300,000 yen. He would not be able to become a real detective because he would have a record. He would not be able to complete his schooling at To-Oh University. His parents would be disappointed in him. Even if L did not press charges, he would be convinced that Light was Kira, and he would never get out of these chains. 

Thinking about the consequences of what attacking L would be, Light slowly started to calm down. Instead of physically hurting L, Light said, "you are insufferable," just loud enough for L to hear him. 

"What was that, Light," L asked, having heard the younger man. 

"You are insufferable, Ryuzaki," Light said louder so that the entire team heard. 

"Oh, big words, Light," L said before turning his back and starting to walk away. 

Light clenched his fists. Fucking asshole insulted his intelligence. 

Soichiro saw the way his son reacted to the insult and said, "boys stop," in his best disciplinary tone that only came after eighteen years of parenting. He did not want to break up another fistfight between Light and L. The first one was bad enough. 

Light reacted to the voice instantly, unclenching his fists and relaxing back into his chair before turning back to his computer. The little boy in the back of his mind not wanting a timeout. 

L, surprising the rest of the task force had a similar way, he did not talk back or roll his eyes, but he stood in his chair before sitting down and getting back to work. The little boy inside of him feared a punishment much worse than a timeout. 

After thirty minutes of working in silence, L stood and walked behind Light to grab some papers he printed off. Light ignored the older man, hoping that L was done with acting out that day. The young man was never that lucky.

When L passed Light the second time, and the chain sagged, L took it and whipped Light on the thigh. The pain was instant and stung, no doubt leaving a bruise. Light breath hitched at the surprise pain. 

"Ryuzaki!" Light shouted, standing up and startling the rest of the task force, "what the hell is your problem today!" 

"What is Light referring to," L asked. 

"Don't play dumb, Ryuzaki, you know what I am talking about!" Light shouted back, "you are acting more like an asshole than normal!"

L did not answer, he could not. Not in front of anyone else, not even in front of Light if they were alone. 

"Now you're going to answer me?" Light accused after a second of silence. 

"Light," Soichiro said, wanting to calm his very angry son before he did something he would regret. 

"Dad, you cannot say that you haven't seen what he's doing today," Light said, looking at his father and disbelief. 

Before Soichiro could respond, L said, "20 percent, Kira would be easy to anger." 

Light snarled before shouting, "you don't know when to stop, do you? I. Am. Not. Kira. Why are you acting like this?" Out of the corner of his eye, Light saw the team come closer in case they needed to break up a fight, but Light could not find it in himself to care. He was too angry. 

"You said that I was your friend, your first one," Light continued, "the way you are acting, constantly accusing me of being Kira, it's like you've been pretending this whole time. Is that all our friendship is to you- an elaborate lie?"

Light paused, expecting an answer; L rubbed his leg with his foot. When he started this, he did not expect this type of reaction, but L supposed that this reaction was good if he wanted to push Light away. "I believed that to be a possibility." 

Light's face turned red, "You don't have a single idea about who to deal with people, do you?" Light grabbed the front of L's shirt. L ducked his head so that his face was hidden by his hair, "you have no people skills! You might be a genius, but you are a complete moron when it comes to human emotions!" Light shook L harshly, "you're so disconnected from reality that it's no wonder that you have no friends," L winced. That hurt. 

"We were NEVER friends!" Light shouted, clutching the chain connecting them and whipping L's arm as hard as he could, ignoring L little yelp of pain.

L reached into his pocket and pull out the key. "Perhaps we should take a break from each other," L muttered, still hiding his face. 

As soon as Light's cuff was off, he stormed out of the room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope that was not too harsh. Might have been too harsh.
> 
> As always, appreciate all comments and kudos.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Light knows that L did wrong. L knew that Light did wrong. Light knew that Light did wrong. L knew that L did wrong. Now all they needed to do was kiss and make up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I enjoyed writing this chapter more than I possibly should have.

'We were NEVER friends.'

L replayed that phrase over and over in his head. Sure, when he first said that Light was his first friend, it was a lie. After the confinement and being chained to L 24/7, he did begin to like Light. Maybe he did consider Light a friend. 

'We were NEVER friends.'

L flinched as the voice erupted in his mind. He got his way, pushed Light away. Light would not want him anymore. He won. But why did it hurt so much?

'You are a complete moron when it comes to human emotions!'

L hurt Light. That was not L's intention. Annoy Light, yes, anger him, sure, as much as he hated people being angry at him. He never wanted to hurt Light. It made L feel awful in a way that he had not felt in a long time. 

Maybe Light was right; he did not know when to stop. 

L took a deep, ragged breath as he lifted his shirt sleeve to look at his forearm. There was a clear imprint of the chain on his arm; it was red because of the blood pooling under his skin, the bruise hurt when he touched it, and it was swollen. 

The man sighed; he always bruised easily, and it seemed to take so long for his bruises to heal. When Light punched him in the face, it took about two and a half weeks for the bruise on his jaw to heal while it took a week for Light's bruise to heal. Light had looked apologetic and apologized several times in those two and a half weeks. L pulled down his sleeve. His arm is going to hurt for a while, but he deserved it. 

L went over to his bed and hid under his covers. The pressure of his blankets made it hurt less, and made him feel safe. L was not sure what he was feeling; he was never good with emotions.

'You are a complete moron when it comes to human emotions!'

L curled up tighter. Everything that Light said was true. When people were close to him, it was hard for him to detect their emotions and how his action could affect them. Hell, he did not even know what he was feeling right now; all he knew was that it hurt. He did not like it. Become emotionally numb, he thought to himself. It was so much easier. Easier than hurting, being confused, and not knowing what was going on in his mind. 

'We were NEVER friends.'

L sniffled and rubbed at his burning eyes. Now he knew what he was feeling. He felt sad.

...

Light sighed when L left the room with his head still down. He plopped down on his chair and rubbed his forehead to try and ease the headache that was burning behind his temples. 

He heard his father tell the others that they should go on their lunch, the three of them agreed probably not wanting to deal with the aftermath of Light and L's fight.

Light heard his father's footsteps approaching and heard him sit down in L's chair. He did not know what to say, so he waited until his father said somthing. 

"Do you want to talk about it?" Soichiro asked. Looking at his son, he could tell by the slouch in Light's shoulders and the lack of speech that he regretted what he said. 

"I messed up," Light said, dropping his hand. 

"Yes, you did," Soichiro agreed with a nod. Both L and Light had messed up that day, but that did not matter right now. Now he needed to be a father and help his son so that the boys could get back on the same page and get along again.

Light leaned back in his chair, head nearly hanging off the back his chair, "it's just..." Light trailed off with a mix between and sigh and a groan. 

Soichiro sat back in L's chair. It had been a long time since he heard his son rant to him, but he felt this was long overdue. 

"Ryuzaki is so infuriating," Light started, "first, he angers and frustrates me, then he makes me feel like the worst person in the world. He was the one who kept waking me up last night, he kept accusing me of being Kira, and he was just being all-around irritating. Then he pouts and makes me feel awful. I do care about Ryuzaki, and I know that something is wrong with him. He has not been acting like himself for weeks now. Saying that he is depressed, his quietness, him acting out," Light rubbed his forehead again, "I don't know, maybe he is depressed." 

"That's possible," Soichiro said once his son was done, "we know that Ryuzaki does not react... as one would expect to things."

Light scoffed, "tell me about it." 

"He also does not like to give anything straight," and by anything, Light knew he meant anything. L liked to constantly test others and kept his real emotions under layers of deadpan expressions and snark. Some would think that L was emotionless, but Light knew better. He had seen (and heard) how horrified L had been by the second Kira's message. He had seen the behavioral changes. Whether it was another test or emotions that L was trying to keep under lock and key, Light did not know. He had seen how hurt L was by his words.

"I wish he would learn how to," Light said, "maybe then he wouldn't make others so angry." 

"Do you regret what you said?" Soichiro asked.

"Of course," Light said, "as soon as they came out of my mouth," the man knew he should not have said what he said, and as much as Light wanted to blame this all on Ryuzaki, he could already hear his father's words. 'You cannot blame others for your actions. You have every right to be angry, but that does not mean you can yell at or hit your peers,' he heard that speech multiple times during grade school.

"How I see it," Soichiro said, "you both messed up today, and you both need to apologize." 

Light resisted the urge to roll his eyes, "he would never apologize to me." 

"You never know," Soichiro assured, "perhaps he feels as bad about this situation as you do."

"Maybe," Light mumbled. 

"Don't wait too long," Soichiro said, patting his son on the back and standing up, going back to work. 

Forty minutes after the fight, when Light was completely calmed down from everything and was sure that it would not turn into another fight, he went to L and his room. 

He needed to get down to the bottom of this. 

...

L did not know how long he laid there, hiding under his covers, trying to slip into little space but not able to when he heard a knock at the door. L stiffed and curled up impossibly tighter. He hoped that it was just Watari checking to him. It was, however, normal for L to hide after an emotional thing happened so that he could recover. So, he knew that if it was Watari, it must have been hours, and it did not feel like hours. 

"Ryuzaki, it's Light. Open up, or I'll do it for you," Light said through the door. It was not a threat, his voice was too soft for that. L was not sure what it was. Perhaps a promise. 

It felt like it would take too much energy to get up and go to the door to open it up. Light has a key, L reminded himself, he could open the door if he wanted to get in so much. 

Light took a deep breath that ended in a sigh as he reached for his key for the room. He never used it before, but always kept it on his person just in case. 

When he opened the door, it took him a second to realize where L was. L was on the bed with all the blankets covering him. 'How doesn't he get hot?' Light, not for the first time, wondered.

"Hey, lump," Light greeted. Lump was a nickname of sorts that Light had given L after waking up to see the older man completely under the covers a few times. L rolled his eyes when Light called him that, but otherwise did not try and stop him as Light thought he would.

The said lump did not move or make noise. Maybe L was asleep, Light thought. If he was, he would have woken up at Light's knocking or greeting as L was an extremely light sleeper. Extremely might be an understatement, Light thought, it was like a pin drop could wake L out of a seemingly deep. How Matsuda once saw L sleep in his chair, Light did not know. 

"C'mon, Ryuzaki," Light said, "I just want to talk," Light sat at the desk chair, "I promise I won't yell."

L fidgeted, he did want to talk to Light. He wanted to say that he was sorry, he regretted his behaviors. He wondered if he plan was wrong or at least his way of going about it. As much as L hated to be wrong, he could admit when he made a mistake. At least to himself.

But he did not know if Light was being truthful, Light said he was not going to yell at L, but he did not know if it was a trick. Several people had said that they were not going to hurt him and in the same breath, hurt him. Be it emotionally or physical pain. 

After a few moments, L pushed the covers off of him and shifted into his normal crotch, burying his arms between his legs and chest. 

Light took in L's stance. At this point, he was used to L's sitting position, but know it looked different. Like he was trying to protect himself like he was scared Light. Light hated that.

Before Light could open his mouth, L said, "I'm sorry." 

At Light's confused look, L continued, "my behaviors were inexcusable today, and I apologize." 

Light was surprised by the apology but was happy that L did. 

"Apology accepted," Light started, "and I'm sorry too." 

The confused looked that L gave him, would have been picture worthy under any other circumstance. 

"No need for Light to apologize," L said, "everything that he said was correct." 

Light felt like screaming, not out of anger but out of regret. He was regretful for his words before, but now that he knew L had taken it to heart- might as well take his heart out. 

When Light did not respond, L continued, "I don't know when to stop, I did say that Light and I are friends but have not been acting as so, I don't understand humans or their emotions, and I don't have..."

"Stop that right now," Light said calmly but firmly, "don't validate the things that I said out of anger. Anger is not an excuse me saying things that I knew would hurt you, even if it was true" here L placed his hands on his knees, Light took this as a good sign. 

"Anger is no excuse, and I should not have never used your struggle. Everyone has struggles, your's just so happens socially, mine is anger obviously," Light said.

When L did not say anything after a few minutes, Light asked, "do you understand?" reminding him of talks he would have with Sayu when they were younger. 

L brought his thumb to his mouth to bite his nail. He nodded. 

Light sighed in relief. Now that L accepted his apology and he accepted L's, Light needed to get to the bottom of whatever was going on with L. Due to the apology, Light did not think that it was somehow a test. Something was wrong, and whatever was going on in his head, Light needed to figure it out. 

"So, why were you doing that stuff?" Light asked.

"Nothing," L said, biting harder on his thumb, and hugging his knees. 

"You can't tell me it's nothing," Light told him, "you and I know that you don't change without reason to," here Light put his hands on L shoulders. He felt L flinch slightly and the little quavers in his shoulders. 

"C'mon L just tell me, I promise I won't get mad or make fun of you," Light promised.

L hesitated. He could not say this out loud, not to anyone. He could not say that he regressed and thought of Light as a caregiver, and the thoughts scared him and made want to push Light away. No, there was no way that he would do something that stupid, but Light knew that something was wrong, so he needed to say something. 

"Because I'm terrified," L said just loud enough for Light to hear. 

"What do you mean?" Light asked, concern lacing his tone, his stomach twisting. 

"I," L was not sure how to tell him without revealing too much, but he opened his mouth and tried to tell at least a half-truth. 

"The last time I got close to someone I was very... hurt," L started, "I am afraid to let anyone in, so I tried to push you away, and I hurt you. I'm sorry." 

Light was not sure what possessed him to stand and hug L, but he did. L fell foreword onto his knees when Light pulled him into the hug. He felt strong arms wrap around his shoulders and back, and his head pillowed against Light's chest. L arms stayed at his side, not sure what to do with them. His breath hitched in shock, and his eyes widened. He did not hate it, possibly liked it. His little side definitely loved it. 

"This is normally the part where you hug back, Ryuzaki," Light informed the other man.

"I am not familiar with this type of physical affection," L said with a slight blush on his face, struggling not to slip into little space. 

"Just hug back," Light said, "everything is okay." 

L did as Light said, wrapping his small arms around Light's back and holding him back. This felt good, L thought to himself. 

"I promise, L, I'm not going to hurt you," Light told him. 

Normally L would think that this was a trick that Kira was trying to get him close so that he could kill him, but for some reason, he knew that this was real. There were too many emotions for this to be the work of someone like Kira. No, right now, it this moment Light was Light Yagami, and everything he was saying was true. If he continued to be Light Yagami, he would keep his promise, L knew that. 

"Thank you, Light Yagami," L said.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I totally did not cosplay Light for two days just to get into his character in order to write him. No, no.
> 
> My friend read this chapter and said, "yeah L, he won't hurt you, but as soon as he gets his memories back, he will kill you." I told her to shut up.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> L regresses in front of the team, and he is terrified.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two chapters in 24 hours. Woohoo. Enjoy.

L blinked as he woke up. It was cold, too cold for him to be in his bed with Light. The man was like a furnace, plus he had two blankets he slept with when he did sleep. He was always warm when he was in bed; he hated the cold. It was not right; it was not safe. 

"Light?" L asked, opening his eyes all the way, thinking that the younger man had stolen the blankets. It would not be the first time. But when he looked around, he was not in his bed, not even in his tower. He was in a grassland, tall green grass with blue and purple flowers growing in tufts together. He stood up (he was only a couple inches taller than the grass) and saw a Roe Deer about 9 feet from him. 

L's breath caught in his throat, and a cold sweat broke out on his forehead. His hands shook, and he looked down at them. They were tiny and underdeveloped. The cuffs of his over sized white shirt covering his body were smeared in blood. The blood was not his own, but someone else's. It was Tee's blood. 

"Tee," L whispered, terrified. He was hurt. Again. 

Then, L heard it. The scream. 

The hairs on his arms and neck stood up on end, his heart pounded, and his stomach dropped. He ran towards the sound. Whatever, whomever, made that sound was in pain and need help. L needed to help.

He heard the scream again, this time more animalistic, more full of pain. 

L ran harder.

When L finally reached the sound, he saw a monster. Not a monster from children's imagination with sharp teeth and nails and unnaturally colored knotted and matted fur. He was not abnormally tall nor strong (though to a small child, he was both), nor was he intimidating to anyone that did not know him. L knew better. That man hurt him.

Tears welled up in L's eyes, and he sobbed, looking at the monster beating another little boy, one that he shared a face with but younger. 

"Stop, please!" L shrieked, "stop it!"

The monster looked back at him, his face twisted in an evil smile that sent chills down L spine. That face told L that the monster enjoyed what he was doing. L wanted to throw up. 

A different monster, female came from the grassy field and grabbed L's tiny arm and squeezed hard enough to bruise. 

"Stop, he must repent for his sins," she hissed, forcing L to face the original monster and child.

Sins? What sins? The child was only four years old. 

"No, no!" L shouted as the little boy's eye rolled back into his head, and his eyes closed, he tried to pull away from the monster. She was too strong, "you're killing him! Please, please, stop, you're killing him! Tee!"

...

Light startled awake due to a foot kicking him in the back, "Ow!" Light shouted before rolling over to his back. Anger took over him for a half-second before he saw the state that L was in. The older man was twisting and turning in his blankets, flailing his limbs as if trying to fight an enemy. He was sweating, whimpering, and crying.

"No, please," L whimpered in his sleep, "Tee, Tee. Stop. Killing him." 

Light had no idea what L could be dreaming about, but he knew that he could not leave him to suffer through whatever he was going through. L was going to hurt himself. Light turned on his lamp, knowing that waking up in the dark would only scare L more. 

"Ryuzaki," Light whispered, gently nudging the older man, "Hey, wake up." 

The soft nudge seemed to agitate L more.

"No, no!" L cried, "don't hurt him!"

"C'mon, Ryuzaki," Light shook L a little harder, "you need to wake up."

L whined, "Tee," before waking with a gasp. Then for a few terrifying seconds, he held his breath. 

"Ryuzaki!" Light exclaimed, not knowing what else he could do, "c'mon, breathe," he placed his hand on L's shoulder.

"No," L yelled, fear in his tone. He pushed Light's hand away and shot up into his sitting position away from Light. He buried his face in his knees to hide and held Pomme in between his knees and chest.

"Hey," Light said in a gentle tone that he learned worked to calm L when he woke from a nightmare, "it's Light, everything's okay."

"Yes, I know, Light" L nodded his head, "just... please, don't touch right now. Don't touch," L looked at Light, and curled up further like he thought that Light was going to touch him anyway. 

"Okay, I won't touch you," Light said, putting his hands up to show that he was not going to touch him, "I'll be right here though," Light laid down on his back and picking up a random book from his bedside table. 

L nodded, breathing slowly, placing his thumb to his mouth, and squeezed Pomme to try and soothe himself. 

After a few minutes, L started to speak-

"There is a certain cry that humans will make when they know they are going to experience an unjustified, horrible amount of pain or if they know they are going to die. I was five when I first heard that scream, seven when I heard it again. That sound, it turns on an instinct, like an animal. It chills you to the bone and makes you run toward it so you can try and protect whoever is getting hurt. Even if you know, you cannot do anything."

Light looked up at L and put his book down, having no idea how to respond to that. He heard that scream when he was five and seven. Light first thought that he might have heard it at the orphanage he grew up in, but banished that thought quickly. As far as he knew, the only orphanage that L was ever at was with Watari. Light doubted that Watari would let L or any other child in his care get hurt to the extreme L was describing. Light then remember that L once said that he had "been in the care of Watari for seventeen years." Before that, he had to be in the custody of his parents. "My parents were not nice," Light remembered L saying that in response to Light looking at the scars on his shoulders, back, chest, arms, and legs. So, his parents abused him. With the wording parents- not parent, not father, not mother- but parents meaning both his mom and dad abused him. While it's not unheard of for parents who abuse their child to abuse each other as well, Light did not think that someone who had the capability to put permanent scars on their child would make the noise that L was talking about when they thought they were going to get hurt. So, that left one more option, and he did not know who Tee was.

"Who is Tee, Ryuzaki?" Light asked. 

L's eyebrow knotted when Light asked the question. 

"You were crying for him in your sleep," Light explained. 

L turned his head away from Light and rested his head on his arms. Light thought that he would not get an answer for a second before L said, "he was someone from a long, long time ago." 

While vague, it confirmed his thoughts, and Light never wanted to be wrong more in his life. 

L felt tears burn the back of his eyes, and they fell down his cheeks without his permission. Right now, he did not want to try and hold back his tears, and he wanted the physical affection that Light was offering earlier. 

"Can I have that hug now, Light?" L asked, still not looking at Light. his cheeks burning. He was not used to asking for physical affection. People assumed that he hated touch, so they never initiated, and L never learned how to ask. After their first hug, Light said that if he needed a hug again, all he had to do was ask. L appreciated that. 

Light chuckled, L always looked so awkward when asking for a hug. It was kind of adorable. Light opened his arms and said, "get over here, Ryuzaki." 

L hesitated only a second before hugging Light, his head resting on Light's chest, and right his arm falling over Light's stomach. His other arm held Pomme close to his chest. Light turned off his lamp and covered L with the blankets before rolling to his side before wrapping an arm around L's side, his other holding L's head. 

Perhaps this would look weird to some people. Two men snuggling because one had a nightmare, but Light could not muster the urge to care. L and Light are going to spend 22/7 with each other for the foreseeable future, so if either of them needed a hug or whatever other physical affection, they only had the other. Plus, they cared about each other, and they were getting closer by the day. So, a hug here and there should not be too odd, and if it was oh well, L was not the only weirdo in their friendship then. 

A few silent tears made their way down L's face. He snuggled closer to Light and closed his eyes tightly before relaxing completely. 

L and Light fell asleep in each other's arms.

...

"You look like Linus with that blanket, Ryuzaki," Light said with a smirk he always had on when he was poking fun at L. 

"I do not know what a Linus is, Light," L stated, turning to Light with an unimpressed face, "but if Light is trying to poke fun at me, need I remind him that I am cold."

"Yeah, yeah," Light said, turning back to his computer, "I know you're cold, you big baby." 

L rolled his eyes if only Light knew. 

One might wonder why L would be cold in the Task Force room that he is normally comfortable in. Good question! The evil storm (yes, all storms are evil in L's eyes) was raging outside. About twenty minutes ago, the power went out for out thirty seconds before the backup generator kicked on. When submerged in pitch-black darkness, L fought to stay big. He had honestly been fighting since the previous night with his nightmare. Being in Light's strong arms had not helped. Yes, his little side was still having ridiculous thoughts of Light being his caregiver, and L was slightly indulging in it when he asked for hugs. He straddled the line between what could be seen as normal, and what would be Misa Misa's level of clinginess. L knew how much that annoyed Light and L did not want to annoy him with physical affection. 

Speaking of Misa Misa, she apparently got offended that Light dared pay attention to anyone but her because she strode over to Light and plopped down on his lap. Light groaned and got that annoyed look that L was thinking about.

'Help me,' Light mouthed to L.

'Light's girlfriend,' L mouthed back. 

'I'm gonna hit you,' Light threatened. 

'Kira,' L mouthed.

'Shut up.'

L smirked and was about to mouth something to the extent that he was not talking when a loud thunderclap shook the whole building. L flitched, his shoulders hitching up to his ears. His pounding heart was not helped by Misa Misa's scream.

L wanted to kick her. She was not really scared of the storm, L could tell by her body language, she just wanted attention. L, on the other hand, was terrified. He hated thunder, the unpredictably of deafening noises made L's anxiety skyrocket. His little side was crying and wanted his paci and diapers and baby clothes and Pomme. Luckily he had his blankie so that he got some comfort from it. 

No, no, he should not be thinking like that. He was a big boy and should not be thinking like a baby, but it was hard. He could feel himself slipping. That almost scared him more than the thunder. 

Abruptly, Aizawa starting yelling at Misa Misa, and that was not helping L's tightening chest and heavy breathing. Crap, he was close to having a panic attack and was slipping. Everything needed to stop for a few seconds so that L could get his bearings. 

Of course, it did not stop, Aizawa kept yelling, Misa Misa kept whining, the storm kept raging outside, and he kept panicking. 

"Ryuzaki."

"Ryuzaki."

"L!" L snapped out of his thoughts (not out of his panic, unfortunately). He turned to Light, who was holding onto the back of his chair, obviously, having turned it when he could not get L's attention. "I've been calling your name. What's wrong?" 

Before he could try and answer like he was not scared and slipping, an ear-splitting clap of thunder sound from above. 

L gave a squeak of horror, covered his ears, and plummeted into little space. Suddenly, he was very little, and he was surrounded by people who he should not around when he felt this regressed. Tears shone in his eyes, and he could not hold back a sob before he covered his mouth. 

He heard people call out his fake name. He did not like that. It was too loud, and L was not Ryuzaki, he was L, and he was too little to be Ryuzaki. 

He was too little. 

L needed to get out of the room. Now. Before anyone found out he was a baby. So, he jumped out of his chair and ran.

He forgot that he was handcuffed to someone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Poor panicky baby. That honestly should have been the summary. 
> 
> I did not mean to write L as autistic, but I realize the more I write him, the more autistic he seems. I blame my own autism influencing the way I write L as I do headcanon L as autistic and don't think I would if I did not have autism.
> 
> Next chapter will be Light figuring out what is going on with L.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Light finds out that L is little.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was so tempted to end this chapter about half way through, but I thought that you guys deserved more.

Light gasped as L shot up and ran toward the elevator. He was forced to stand and follow when the chain grew taut. The man nearly tripped and fell, but he hurried to catch up. It reminded Light of the anxiety attack L had in public about two weeks ago. 

"Ryuzaki?" Light said gently, looking L up and down. He was in the far corner of the elevator. He was shaking violently as if he were stuck out in a blizzard. Even though his head was down, Light could see tears tracking the older man's cheeks. Small whimpers and sobs left his body, racking his frame. His thumb was in his mouth. Not like his normal biting the nail or the tip, but also not like how he slept with his thumb all the way in his mouth. The digit was in his mouth to the first knuckle just enough to suck on. His other arm was wrapped around his stomach, and he was hunched over more than normal. Trying to protect his vital organs, Light recognized. His knees were bent, trying to make himself look small. L was rubbing his feet together. He did not answer Light's call or even react. So, he was in his own head.

L was obviously frightened and trying to comfort himself. Light, however, had only slight ideas of what could have caused his fear. Light thought about the last few minutes leading up to L's fear. Misa's shriek and whining, Aizawa's yelling, and the thunder then the chaos of voices. All had one thing in common- loud noise. It was also obvious that the older man was not neurotypical. To Light, it was obvious that he was somewhere on the autism spectrum. L was textbook autism with high intellect. Light knew, after weeks of researching the condition, that people with autism can be hypersensitive or hyposensitive to sensory input. L seemed to be hypersensitive when it came to noise. L hated loud noises, and the loud noises caused him to flinch and rub his outer ear subtlety on several occasions. Light did not think that the others have noticed.

Plus, there was the thunder. Unpredictable loud noises were probably the start of the fear and made the yelling more intolerable. 

Light was interrupted by his thoughts by the elevator bringing and a pull on the chain again. 

"Ryuzaki," Light said again, this time more gently, not wanting to upset him more.

L did not hear Light. He was still in his head, still, too caught up in his fear. His brain screaming at him to get away and get somewhere safe so that he could get away from the storm and be little. 

L then felt a tug on his wrist that forced him to stop. He tried to pull at the binding so that he could keep running, but whoever was holding onto chin would not let go. He was trapped.

L wept and pulled again, "no, no," he whined. He did not like it. He still did not feel safe. L let out a sob when he heard the thunder again. 

"Go," he whimpered, wanting to tell the person he needed to get away, but when regressed, words never came easy. 

"Ryuzaki," Light whispered, "I'm not going anywhere." 

L whined and looked up at Light with tear-filled eyes, that's not what he meant, and he did not want to be called that name. He was L. The baby cried and rubbed his eyes. He was so scared and did not know what to do now that Light was not letting him move.

"Ryuzaki, calm down," Light said, placing his hand on L's shoulder, "you need to calm down." L sobbed harder. He could not calm down, not without his paci and Pomme.

The baby then leaped forward and wrapped his arms around Light. He buried his face in Light's shoulder and cried. 

"Whoa," Light said in surprise. While this is not even close to their first hug. L never just threw himself at Light for a hug. He always asked before they hugged, but Light thought that it was because L was upset, so did not think much of it. 

Light hesitated only a second before wrapping his arms around L. One hand held L's head to his shoulder, fingers running through his hair, nails lightly grazing his scalp. 

"Shh," Light whispered, "everything's okay."

While it scared L to be so little around Light and nervous about what his reaction could be if he found out, a significant part of him liked it. It felt good being held while he was so scared. Light was warm, and his arms were strong, providing soothing pressure and warmth that L needed right now.

Light could feel a wet patch forming on his shirt, and he felt L shaking as he cried, but he seemed to be calming down even if it were a little bit. 

One second later, another powerful thunderbolt sounded overhead. L made a high pitched whining sound and burrowed closer into Light. Why wouldn't the thunder stop? If the stupid thunder stopped, he would quit being so sad and scared. 

Light held L tighter, "nothing's wrong, L," Light said in what he hoped was a comforting tone, "relax."

"S-scared," L complained, not quieting down due to Light's words, "scared." 

"I know, but the storm can't hurt you. There is nothing to be scared of," Light said, expecting L to say something to the extent that he logically knew that the storm could not hurt him and that Light telling him the obvious did not help. But L did not say anything, just continued to cry. 

Light was starting to feel at a loss. During his first panic attack, L calmed down relatively quickly. He did not cry, whine, and need to be held for going on fifteen minutes. Light supposed that L was taking longer to calm because the trigger was not gone. The man hoped that the storm would pass soon so that L's fear could stop, and he could settle. He hated seeing L cry. But Light did not mind waiting until then and cuddle L. They might have to move to a more comfortable place, however. 

Before Light could suggest that they move to the couch or bed, he felt another warm, wet spot soak into his thigh. Light gasped in confusion and pulled L away from him to confirm that, yes, he was peeing his pants. Like a toddler potty training. Diurnal enuresis was not unheard of during a panic attack, but it was extremely rare. Light now considered that what L was going through was something more or not a panic attack at all. Light thought about calling Watari. There was a possibility that L's handler would have seen L like this before and know how to handle it better than Light. Light did not like feeling this lost, but L had not asked for Watari, so... Light did not know what to do.

L fussed and sucked his thumb harder when Light pushed him away. Was Light angry with him? Was he going to leave L to deal with everything himself? The baby did not know who to deal with all this by himself. He was so upset and scared and could not settle and was now all wet without a diaper on. Was Light going to do something else? When people got angry, that always meant hurt, even with Light. He was going to hurt L.

"No, no," L cried, "'m sow-sorry!" he took a gasping breath, "no mean it!" he should not yell; it only made people angrier.

Light, not thinking or caring about the mess, pulled L back into his body. L was not going to be helped by Light hesitating and overthinking. 

L continued to cry that he was sorry and that he did not mean it. He begged Light not to hurt him. Light felt his heart break.

"C'mon, L, shh," Light said in a comforting tone, "I'm not going to hurt you, just take a deep breath for me," L tried to mimic Light's breathing pattern with minimal success, but Light ran his fingers through L's hair again and said, "good job."

Deep breath after deep breath, L found himself relaxing and no longer sobbing as much.

"The storm's gone, for now, L," Light informed him. L peeked over Light's shoulder to confirm that the storm was gone. Through blurry vision, L saw that there were still grey clouds in the sky, but they were no longer dropped rain. 

"Gone," L crocked with a sniffle. 

"Yeah," Light responded, "so, calm down so we can get cleaned up." L nodded, and after a few more cries and sniffles, he was finally out of tears. 

"C'mon, L," Light said in a quiet voice, not wanting to send L into another fit of hysteria by being too loud, "time to take a shower."

L whimpered and looked down at the wet spot on his jeans, "sow-sorry," the baby apologized, still scared that Light would get mad. Apologizing might make it hurt less.

"No need to be sorry, L," Light told him, placing his hand on L's shoulder. "Accidents happen," the phrase reminding Light of what his parents would say to Sayu when she had an accident as a toddler. 

No need to be sorry, L thought. If Light did not think that he should not be sorry, then Light was not mad at him. L relaxed at the knowledge that Light was not mad. L was thankful that Light was taking him to the bathroom. The wetness on his jeans was starting to get cold and sticking to his skin. It was uncomfortable. 

Once in the bathroom, L reached down and pulled off his jeans and boxers, relieved that he wore baggy clothes. When in little space, his already poor fine motor skills dropped off into oblivion. He would not have been able to undo his button if he wore tight pants like Light. He then pulled his shirt over his head and attempted to take it off, but was stopped by Light.

"You need to take off the cuff to take off your shirt," Light said with a small smile. L was disoriented last time, so Light was expecting him to do something silly. 

"What?" L asked, looking up at Light in confusion. How could L get the cuff off? L tugged on the chin that connected him to Light and gave a frustrated noise. 

"You need to get the key," Light said, cocking his head. Disoriented was one thing, but forgetting about something that he did every day was concerning. 

"Oh, w-right," L said, forcing his mouth and tongue to form the words like a big boy. It felt funny. L went over to the jeans that he threw and fished out the key. The baby held the key between his thumb and forefinger and tried to fit the tiny key into the hole. His hand was shaking too hard to put the key in the hole. 

L huffed as frustrated tears sprang in his eyes. He then looked at Light and asked, "help," while holding out the key. 

Light took the key and unlocked both sides of the cuff and put it on the counter while L took off his shirt. "Now," Light said, "get in the shower and clean yourself up. Then we can go lay down, and I'll read to you or something."

L gave a small smile and nodded. He got into the shower and took a second to remember how to shower. It was not the first time he took a bath when little, but it took always took a second to sequence everything. 

The first thing he needed to do was turn on the water, then wash his hair and rinse his hair. Then get body soap and wash himself. So, he started to do just that. 

After washing his leg, Light went to his closet to pick out a different outfit. Knowing that he will probably be in bed for the next couple of hours with L, Light picked out a red sweater and a pair of comfortable pants.

Light then picked up his and L's clothes to put in the wash. His thoughts went back to L. He was acting weird, not that L was not weird all the time, but he was not acting like himself. Light tried to blame it on his break down, but not everything he did make sense when analyzed under just that lens. The way he spoke in incomplete sentences and the way he needed instructions to do things that he should come easy to him. 

Light shook his head. He needed to stop overthinking. Everything would be fine, just like L always was. 

When Light got back to the bathroom, he heard that the shower was still on, so he went to L's closet to grab his outfit. 

"Why?" Light muttered under his breath when he saw nothing but large white shirts and baggy blue jeans. He should be used to L's refusal to wear anything else but the white shirts and blue jeans, but he still wondered the why. 

He draped a white shirt over his shoulder and was moving to retrieve a pair of jeans when he saw a door within the closet. Light looked back to the shower, the curtain was still closed. He was curious about what L could be hiding. L was not an open book by any means, but what could L hide that would surprise Light?

He looked around for a second time before moving toward the door and opened it. The light to the extension illuminated the room, and what he saw shocked him. 

"No, no!" Light heard L shout from behind him. 

Light turned to see the now alarmed and towel-clad detective rushing over to him. L tried to push Light away from his door and secrets. 

"Go, go!" L demanded, he never wanted to see Light again. 

Light now understood everything that was going on, now he needed to calm a baby once again.

"Hey, hey," Light took L's wrists in his hands, "come here. Everything's okay." 

"No!" L shouted, trying to squirm away from Light, "Light not! Light not know!"

"I know," Light whispered in L's ear, playing with his hair, "I'm not supposed to know, am I?"

"No," L moaned miserably. Light was not supposed to know about any of this. No one was.

"Hey, look at me," Light said, taking L by his shoulders and pulling him back and bending down so he could look at L's face. L blocked his face and eyes by looking down. "Look at me, Buddy," Light said, tucking his finger under L's chin and lifting so that their eyes met. L whined lowly and let his eyes drift from Light's face. 

"You're little, aren't you?" Light asked, already knowing the answer. 

L's shook his head rapidly in denial, his wet hair spraying water everywhere. He then looked into Light's unbelieving eyes then nodded, tears welling in his eyes. 

"Don't cry, Buddy" Light begged, pulling L back into a hug, "I hate seeing you cry."

L sniffled and rubbed his eyes, "sowwy."

"It's okay, Buddy," Light said, rocking L for a few moments so that he could calm fully. Then, he asked, "are you ready to get dressed?" 

"Wight help?" L asked in confusion, not believing that his dream could come true. 

"Of course," Light said with a comforting smile. 

L returned the smile and nodded. 

"Let's go then," Light told him, letting L lead him through the door. Light was taken back by the amount of color in the room. From the clothes to the toys, everything was bathed in blues and yellows and greens. It screamed child and was the total opposite of grown-up L. 

"What do you want to wear?" Light asked, looking at all of the baby's clothes.

"Space," L said, pulling out said sleeper and giving it to Light. The man took said sleeper and looked at it as if he would be tested on it later. It had a plain black backdrop with little red, blue, and green plants and astronauts all over. Light chuckled when he saw the sock part of the footie pajamas were cut off. Of course, L would. 

"Socks yucky," L explained when he realized what Light was laughing at.

Light smirked and asked, "what about shoes?" teasingly. 

L made a disgusted face and shook his head, "no, yucky," he declared. 

"Of course," Light chuckled at L's look, his normally inexpressive face seemed to have no trouble expressing what he was feeling now that he was in little space. 

"Wight," L called a few seconds later.. 

Light turned in the direction of L's voice, who was holding a diaper between thumb and forefinger to his chest. He was looking at the floor so that he did not have to look at Light, not knowing what to say.

Like everything else in the past few minutes, Light took it in stride with a smile on his face. "Do you wear diapers, Buddy?" in a gentle, nonjudgmental voice.

L nodded, with a pink blush appearing on his cheeks.

Light took the garment out of L's fingers, not saying anything about it. 

"Do we have everything we need?" Light asked, running a hand through L's still damp hair, smiling softy when L leaned into the touch. 

L shook his head, turning his back to Light to face his four-compartment shelving unit and taking out the baby powder and a pacifier. He handed the powder to Light and clutched his pacifier in his hand. 

"Okay, lay down, Buddy," Light told him when he was sure he had everything he would need. L lay down on the floor without hesitation. Light kneeled next to the baby and put down all of his supplies.

Light took the towel off of L's hips without a second thought, but he heard the baby whimper. When he looked at L's face, he was looking up at the ceiling with his face now red. He played with his fingers.

While it was not the first time that L has been nuked around Light, this felt intimate. Too intimate, and it made L feel vulnerable and exposed. 

"Hush, L," Light whispered, taking L's pacifier out of his hand and placing the nipple to his mouth. The baby took the pacifier in his mouth, and the suckling motion soothing him. Light reached over L to get a toy to distract him.

"Here, L," Light said, giving a rattle to L. The handle was made of wood and covered by a green cloth, but the ends were padded so he could not hurt himself if he shook it too hard.

"Whoo," L cooed, reaching up for his toy. Light shook the rattle and smiled when the baby grasped the handle and shook it. L giggled at the noise. 

Light smiled and patted L's tummy before turning his attention to dressing the baby again.

"Left up, Buddy," Light said. L lifted his hips so Light could slide the diaper under his bum. It took a second of Light to figure out the tapes as there were two sets of taps instead of one. Still, he was able to tape the diaper snugly, and in a way that (hopefully) prevented leaks. 

Light turned away from L to get the sleeper L wanted to wear. He then felt a tap on the back of his head, followed by a telltale rattle and giggle. Light, with clothes in hand, and gave the baby a questioning look. 

"I boops Wight," L giggled, pointing his rattle at Light. 

Light chuckled. The baby was trying to play, and it was adorable. 

"I don't think," Light started, taking the rattle in hand with L still griping the toy, "you're supposed to boop someone," the man brought the rattle down to L and gently tapped L's nose, "on the back of the head." L giggled and shook his rattle when Light let go. 

"Goofy baby," Light said affectionately. 

Light helped the baby into the sleeper, making sure that what was left of the cut off feet did not touch L's feet, and the zipper was open at the very top so that it did not choke the baby. 

"There you go, Buddy," Light said once the baby was dressed, "comfy?" 

L nodded with a smile. He then lifted his arms and made grabby hands at Light, "uppy, uppy," he asked, wanting Light to hold him. 

"Yeah, c'mere, Buddy," Light said, easy lifting the baby onto his hip. L rested his head on Light's chest and wrapped his arms around his shoulders. The baby snuggled into Light as he yawned passed his pacifier, his eyes were becoming heavy.

"Sleepy?" Light asked, rubbing the baby's back. 

"Yeah," L confirmed with a nod, "night-night time?" 

"I think so," Light said with a smile, laying the baby on the bed. L instantly curled up into his normal fetal position.

"Pomme?" L asked, reaching out but not able to find her. The baby whined in distress.

"Here, Baby," Light comforted the baby, handing him his stuffed bunny that was behind him. 

"Fank 'oo," L smiled and clenched his bunny to his chest. 

"Your welcome," Light got into the bed, helping L cover up with his comforter. 

L hummed, something was missing, "bwankie?" L asked Light.

"Oh, your blankie's downstairs, Buddy," Light told him. He did want to risk the possibility that the team was still down there. The questions that the rest of the team would have, Light would not be able to answer. 

"Awe," L pouted he wanted his blankie, but he could deal with just the comforter, especially when he had his paci, Pomme, and Light. L then felt Light cover him with his blankie.

"You can have mine for now," Light assured him, tucking his blanket snugly around the baby. 

L took part of the blankie in his hands and rubbed his face, smiling. He loved the feeling of fuzziness and warmth of Light's blankie. 

Once Light was settled in bed, L snuggled into the man's side with his head resting on Light's chest. 

"Do you want me to read Harry Potter?" Light asked, reaching toward the book on his bedside table. 

L nodded, eyes already closed and nearly dozing already. The baby fell asleep listening to Light's voice and feeling the rumble of Light chest under his cheek.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My friend asked how something so sad could turn so cute. IDK, I think I did my job.
> 
> I'm not sure if I want L to call Light "Daddy" or "Bubba" when he is little later.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> L wakes up and thinks

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry that this chapter is so short. I am back to college here in a week, so I have been preparing for that.

When L woke up, he did not want to open his eyes. Not like how he usually woke up, getting up and needing to wait for Light to wake or risking waking up the younger man if it was too late.

L squirmed over to his side and felt his head lean on a firm pillow. A very warm and firm pillow. He snuggled in deeper, but then realized that his pillow was breathing. But pillows do not breathe, L thought. The man blinked open his eyes, and maroon filled his vision. He felt soft cotton on his cheek and beneath his hand, and he could hear the thump-thump of a heartbeat under his ear. He looked up to confirm that he was snuggling into Light's chest and side.

A few weeks ago, L would have blushed and moved away from Light as quickly and quietly as possible, so he did not wake the younger man but got away from him. Now, however, L relaxed against Light, enjoying the warmth and comfort that came from him. L looked at the clock and read the numbers 2:27 in the morning. He could snuggle with Light for a little while longer. Maybe go back to sleep.

After a few minutes, L realized that he needed the bathroom. The man sighed, he did not want to get up, but he knew that he had to. L sat up, not missing the crinkle as he moved, he realized, in horror that he was wearing one of his diapers. And the diaper was soaked.

All memories from yesterday came flooding in from Light, comforting L while he was scared of the storm to Light changing his diaper. L was felt like he was about to throw up while his cheeks burned in humiliation. How could he let this happen? 

That did not matter right now, he could hate himself in his mind later. Right now, he needed to get changed before Light woke up and wanted to talk about what happened, which L had no doubt in his mind that he would, but he could not talk about it. Not now. 

L hoped out of the bed and ran into the bathroom and closed the door. L did not give himself time to catch his breath, nor did he let his heartbeat slow down. 

He pulled down the zipper and threw his sleeper somewhere, where he did not care. L did not care. He ripped off the diaper and threw it in the trash. L slowed down slightly to wipe himself down and clean his skin of any urine. L then went to his closet and put on his normal clothing on and sighed. He was back to normal, and he needed to think of a way out of this. A part of him wanted desperately to go back and wake Light up (no matter how mad Light will be) and talk to him and beg him to be his caregiver and give in to his little side again and snuggle all day.

L knew that was not going to happen. He could not let that happen. While Light was not Kira right now, there was no guarantee that he would not become Kira again. He did not need his judgment to be clouded by a caregiver type of relationship with Light. His judgment was already clouded due to the friendship that they had now. L did not want Light to be Kira, and, on a subconscious level, he was looking for evidence that Light was not Kira. He could not do that. That was not how one should investigate. Evidence should lead to the conclusion, not the other way around. That was the first thing he learned in his years of being a detective. If he was throwing that rule out that so important for some hugs and ridiculous thoughts, he had no business calling himself a detective. 

He should have stuck with his plan to push Light away. Maybe not in the way that he was doing at first with being annoying and making Light angry, but in more subtle ways. Not talking to Light unless he needed to and not engaging in physical affection every time they turned around. In other ways, go back to the beginning when they did not know each other before the first hug, the fight, or when L referenced his parents. 

It would be hard, L knew. He came to enjoy their late-night conversation about everything and nothing. He enjoyed the casual touch and hugs and snuggles. L thought that must be how friendship worked, and that Light might be his first ever friend. He could put their friendship on hold until Light was proven not to be Kira. Then everything could go back to the normal that they had created with talks and hugs. 

One night Light asked him what would happen between them if they prove Light was not Kira. Would their friendship suddenly end, and would they never see each other again (which sounded awful to L), or would L come to Japan to visit at times? 

"I would put Light on my permanent payroll," L said as if it was obvious.

"Really," Light was shocked. 

"Yes, Light is intelligent enough to help with other cases if he agrees," L explained, "Watari would just show up at Light's home or business with a plane ticket and say 'come with me,' so he would have to be okay with that."

Light chuckled, "at that point, you might as well let me travel with you all the time." 

"If that is what Light wants, but what about his family. I do not think that Mr. Yagami would like his son traveling all over the world and not able to come home often."

"You had me at traveling the world, Ryuzaki," Light admitted. At L's shocked face, Light continued, "I never wanted to stay in one place, I do love my family and will visit as often as possible, but traveling and solving cases with you sounds like a dream. Of course, without the handcuffs."

"Of course," L said with a small smile. 

What they discussed that night, also sounded like a dream to L. So, the faster they solved this case, the faster that could happen. The faster they could talk about the age regression stuff. The faster Light might become his caregiver. 

L walked into his and Light's room with a new determination. He crotched at his desk and opened his laptop. He needed to get to work.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I read this fanfiction where Soichiro was being fatherly toward L (not in an age regression way because that would be weird and there is not enough age regression fanfictions in the Death Note community) and now I am obsessed with the thought of Soichiro being fatherly toward L, but the fanfic that I read seems to be the only one like it out there. Now, I am thinking about writing a fic about fatherly Soichiro and I have half the plot worked out. I'm just interested to know if any of you would read that. It also involves mute L because that has always been an interesting head canon in my mind, and Watari is not nice.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Light and L talk.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A short one again. I am currently doing virtual band camp and I am organizing my dorm. Hopefully I can get a long chapter to you guys soon.

When Light woke up, he stretched the sleep from his muscles and yawned. Without opening his eyes, he rolled to his side and reached out, searching for L. When the man did not feel anything but cold sheets, he opened his eyes. L was not in bed, but his pacifier was on his pillow. Light picked up the pacifier. If L were sill little, he would need it. 

"L?" Light said, looking around the room. L was nowhere to be found. So, Light got out of the bed to check around the apartment and found L in the living room. 

He was sat in his normal position on the floor with his laptop on the coffee table. He had a sucker in his mouth that he was sucking on rhythmically as if it was his pacifier. L was too focused on what he was typing to notice that Light entered the room until he cleared his throat. 

L's eyes widened for a split second before forcing his eye libs down. He looked up at Light with a face of faux disinterest when in reality, he was very interested in what Light had to say but was also terrified. 

The fear is what made his speak first. 

"Good morning, Light. We should get the cuffs and meet with the other task force members. Light did sleep a long time."

As L passed to retrieve the cuff, Light touched his shoulder.

Light could not say that he was surprised that L was trying to pretend that nothing happened and go about the day like it was normal. Today was not normal, however. Yesterday he found out something huge about L, and they did things that could change their relationship on a fundamental level. Today they needed to talk about those things and talk about what this would mean for the future. Light wanted to help L when he was regressed, especially if the regression could explain the strange behaviors. It helped that L was so cute when he was little. 

L flinched back from the touch though there was a side of him that wanted to lean into the touch. 

Damn, L thought to himself, this was the reason that he needed to distance himself from Light. He did not even know what he wanted anymore. 

When Light ignored his flinch, L asked, "what is it, Yagami?" with a glare. 

'Great,' Light though, 'L is mad he's calling me by my last name.'

"We need to talk about yesterday," Light said bluntly.

"Yesterday was a mistake, Yagami," L said with a monotone voice, trying not to let emotions in his voice. 

'I hope Light does not hate me for this,' L thought.

"That is all he will regard it as," L pushed the lingering hand off his shoulder. 

"L it..." Light was cut off by L.

"It's Ryuzaki," L reminded. 

Light tried not to wince at the harsh reminder, L had not scolded him for that for nearly a month. He thought they were pasted that. 

"Ryuzaki," Light corrected, "you can't tell me how to feel, and I don't think it was a mistake. An accident, maybe, but not a mistake."

When L do not say anything, Light continued, "you were pushed into that headspace because of circumstances you could not control. You needed someone to take care of you." 

"Perceptive Light," L said, "but what Light said does not change that what occurred between him and me was a mistake. It should never have happened."

"Why not?" Light asked but did not give L the chance to answer, "I know that you liked what happened even if you don't want to admit it, and I enjoyed it too." 

"Then Light is a freak too," L snipped. 

'Don't focus on the insults,' Light reminded himself as he took a deep breath, 'get to the bottom of what he is saying."

"Is that how you feel, Ryuzaki?" 

"May I remind Light that he is not a therapist," L said, "and I do not need a therapist." 

'Yes, you do,' Light thought but did not say it aloud, knowing that it would only make L angrier. He did not need that. 

"You're trying to push me away again," Light said as if it were a basic fact which, in this case, it was. 

L's silence was an answer. 

"Well, stop trying," Light said in a gentle tone, "because you are not getting rid of me that easily, especially not after last time." 

L was not comforted by the tone or word. He was more agitated. 

"That is the problem," L said in a calm but tense voice.

"What do you mean, Ryuzaki? And please tell me the truth," Light practically begged. 

"The truth," L smiled as if the truth was a funny concept to him. "The truth is that I allowed myself to become too close to the first Kira," L held up his hand to stop Light from speaking, "and I do not want to hear Light say that he is not Kira. I know that Light is the first Kira, even if he is not now. I have let my judgment become clouded because of friendship with Light. As much I would like for us to continue as we were, I simply cannot allow that. As for yesterday, Light is correct I did slip because of uncontrollable circumstances, and I understand that Light enjoyed taking care of me (I enjoyed it too), but I also cannot allow for that to go any further. As of right now, Light is too big of a threat for me to be so vulnerable in front of. Perhaps in a different world, we could be friends or something more, but as of right now, we cannot. I do not want to continue with what we have now. I do not want to talk to Light unless it is case-related, and I do not want to engage with physical affection with Light. That is the truth."

'And I hope you do not hate me for it.'

"Ryuzaki," Light had no idea what to say. It felt like his heart was ripped out of his chest. 

L could see the hurt on Light's face, so he looked to the side, so he did not have to see it. 

"I am sorry, Light," and he was, "we must go now."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I broke my own heart writing this. My friend also does not like it, she told me to fix it ASAP. Sorry this will not be fixed for a while.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some what filler.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some scenes in this are taken directly from the anime with my own twist on them to fit the story.

"I know you don't want to talk to me right now, Ryuzaki," Light started, looking over at L, who was sitting backward in his chair. The older man just got done spinning in his chair and was resting now. Maybe he finally got dizzy. He had never got dizzy before, but there was a first for everything. 

L looked over his shoulder at Light with questioning eyes.

"But come take a close look at this. It can't be a coincidence." 

"What is it, Light?" he knew that tone of Light's, it was his 'he found a clue' voice. L hopped off his chair and walked over to Light and looked over his shoulder at Light's computer. L made a noise of inquiry when he saw the spreadsheet Light had made up. 

Light resisted the urge to place a hand on L's shoulder and explained, "all of them were prominent Japanese businessmen, CEOs who were leaders in their respective fields, and in just over a month they've all died of heart attacks," here Light put up a graph to show how Yotsuba was succeeding in the deaths, "As expected, there's been a general downturn in the market, with the exception of Yotsuba. In other words, their deaths have worked in Yotsuba's favor. Looking back, there have been thirteen simpler death in the past three months. Your thoughts?" When Light saw the look surprise on L's face, he continued, "based on this, I can only conclude that Kira is supporting Yotsuba."

L hummed, considering all of what Light told him, "could be, but if what Light is saying is true, we can assume that punishing criminals is not this Kira's real intent."

"Right," Light said, having already come to the same conclusion, "punishing criminals is a diversion for him, it obscures the fact that he's actually killing people for the benefit of his company."

Looking over at L with a small, kind smile, Light asked, "so, are you feeling better now, Ryuzaki?"

L stole a glance at Light and, resisting the urge to roll his eyes at Light's smile and responded, "very much, Light. Excellent work."

Kira was connected to Yotsuba somehow, L thought. That meant that they needed to put surveillance in the higher-ups' offices at Yotsuba. It would not be as easy as putting surveillance in the Yagami household, but he knew just the people who could do it. 

...

Two days could change a great deal, L thought. First, Light came up with the Yotsuba Theory (which looked to be true), then Mr. Yagami informed all of them that the NPA would not be supporting the Task Force anymore. Then Aizawa quit in a fit of anger, then Mr. Yagami discovered that most of the deaths were centered around the weekend. 

L still did not know if the Yotsuba group was doing the killings or if the new Kira was using them as a cover, but they were going to proceed as if Yotsuba was doing the killings themselves. That was what he explained to the group when Mogi delivered his a mound of Yotsuba's employment records. 

"Thank you very much, Mr. Mogi," L recognized the older man, peering at the top of the documents. A janitor named Himari Yamamoto, 22. She started working at Yotsuba when she was eighteen to put herself through medical school. More than likely, not Kira, while she was intelligent, she was unfortunately poor and working hard to achieve her own goals, and L silently wished her luck. 

"Yotsuba has over three-hundred thousand employees. How did you get all the records so fast? That's amazing, Mogi," Light questioned while complimenting the older man. 

"Mr. Mogi has been an invaluable asset in intelligence gathering from the beginning," L acknowledged, "excellent work," L praised.

Mogi bowed, lips tugging upward at the praise. It was not every day that their strengths were acknowledged by L.

"Ryuzaki!" Matsuda suddenly yelled, standing as L looked through about five of the employee records. Light did not miss the way L shifted away slightly from the loud noise and raised his shoulder. When would these idiots learn that L does not like shouting and loud noises? Even L running out of the room in near hysterics had not seemed to get through to them. Well, his father seemed to have noticed and was changing in small ways. Mogi did not talk much, so he could not tell with him. But with Matsuda, it seemed like nothing less than a punch to the face would get that point across. Light was tempted to do it. 

"Please tell me, is there anything that I can do to help with the investigation. Besides the manager thing." 

L regarded Matsuda by looking up at the older man with his eyes and asking, "so, Matsuda really wants to be useful?"

"Yes!" Matsuda responded enthusiastically.

"Then, could Matsuda get me another cup of coffee?" L demanded, looking back at his papers. While the demand was rude, Light could not keep the smirk off his face.

Matsuda made a noise of offense. That is not what he meant, and he had the suspicion that L knew what he meant. 

L was not taken aback by the gasp and said, "and for our guests over there as well," while pointing behind him at the couches. 

"Who are they?" Matsuda asked.

"Hold on a sec. Who let them in?" Light asked, looking back at L for an explanation. 

"Aiber and Wedy are the newest members of the Task Force," L explained.

Aiber and Wedy introduced themselves as a conman and a thief, respectively. 

"Aiber is a lifelong conman. His unparalleled social skills allow him to befriend and gain the trust of anyone. We will use him for infiltration," L began to explain, "as for Wedy, she is a thief who specializes in cracking high-end security systems. As proof of that, she was able to enter the building without setting off a single alarm."

Soichiro was angry that L expected them to work with lowlives like the two in front of them. What if Kira killed them. 

"Aiber and Wedy have never been caught," L said as if that would soothe Soichiro's anger. "So, it's unlikely that they'll be killed by Kira. Think of them as professionals of the underworld." 

"I understand," Light said. "To investigate Yotsuba, we're gonna need the help of people like this," Light could not say that he liked the idea of working with criminals, but L had a point. Plus, the government hired criminals all the time in exchange for lighter sentences or so they could walk free. The only difference here was the L was a civilian.

"Let's all do our part and make this happen, okay?" Light said with his arms outstretched. If L did not have adverse reactions to soft touch, Light would have brushed his fingertips along L's arm and say it was an accident. 

L had to bite the inside of his lip to keep from smiling. He would never admit it to anyone but himself, but he liked these little shows of positivity and conviction from Light. He was a natural leader in that way, he could round up the troops, so to say.

Wedy noticed the connection between L and the kid he was handcuffed (she had not caught his name yet, but she could assume that the kid was Light.) So, L had a little crush. It was kind of cute, but Light was L's prime suspect. Wedy rolled her eyes, L would fall for his number one suspect. If the shared look between the two for them was anything to go by, Light had a crush on the detective as well. 

This could be fun.

After L told them to get back to work and sent Matsuda and Misa out to Misa's movie shoot, Wedy went to sit next to L. She helped herself to a few of L's strawberries. Light raised an eyebrow at the behavior, and lack of reaction from L. L hated when someone stole his food. Sure, he offered his food to the member of the Task Force (mostly to the Yagami men), but he would glare at someone if he even thought that they were going to touch his food, including Light. 

Not only that, but she moaned, fucking moaned. Light's eyes narrowed at the bluntly sexual action. L did not seem to notice either of them. He was too busy looking at whatever was on his screen.

"You always have the best fruit, L," Wedy said as she shifted closer to L. 

Wedy looked back over at Light and saw the young man's left eye twitch. He definitely had a problem with her sitting so close to L, well he was going to hate what she was going to do next. 

Wedy ran her hand through L's hair, instead of leaning away or flinching back as Light would have expected, L leaned into the touch ever so slightly. Wedy seemed to notice the positive reaction to her touch as she smiled. Light wanted to punch the woman.

"You really need a haircut, Sweetheart," Wedy rebuked L in an almost loving sound in her voice. Light hated Wedy's tone, sure he did not want the women to yell at L about anything, especially not his hair (it was cute), but he hated anyone but him speaking to L like that. Not that he could talk to L in that tone anymore without being receiving end of one of L's glares. It was all business between the two of them for now. Seeing someone else acting that way to L was hard to watch when all Light wanted to do was give L a hug and talk to him about something that was not case related. 

"Remember the last time I cut your hair?" Wedy asked with a smirk. 

"I never forget anything," L as if it were common knowledge.

"Four hours of you whining and arguing with me, but Papa Watari says one thing and L complies," Wedy said in a teasing voice. 

"Yes, because I have at least some self-preservation skills," L said in his monotone, "and when Warari gets that voice, it is better to do what he says." 

Light cocked his head to the side and looked at the old man in the corner of the room. He had a knowing smile on his face, so what L and Wedy were talking about was true.

Wedy did not respond but did gently scratch L's scalp. L gave a small hum of satisfaction and indulged in it for a few seconds. He missed this type of affection from Light. L then jerked his head from Weddy.

"Business," L reminded the woman.

Wedy rolled her eyes, "it's always business with you, Love." 

L blushed a soft shade of pink as she walked away.

When the woman was no longer in sight, Light turned in his chair to look at L and said, "you and Wedy are quite cozy, aren't you," in almost an accusatory tone. 

L looked over at Light for a few seconds before responding, "Light did not think that I was a virgin, did he?"

If Light was drinking something when L said that, he would have chocked. That was not what Light was trying to imply. He really did not want to picture L having sex, especially with Wedy. Light shook his head to banish the thoughts.

"You've had relations with Wedy?" Light asked, he was going to bring up how that could possibly hinder the case, he did not get the chance when L said-

"Who I have sexual intercourse is none of Light's business," L said in his normal monotone. Still, there was a warning of danger if Light were to continue with the topic of conversation. 

Light did not mind shutting his mouth. He would rather just talk about the case than L's sex life. 

As the day dragged on, Light could not help but notice that L was beginning to cough and sniffle every few minutes. No matter how much tea or coffee the man drank, the cough would not go away. 

Light sighed and hoped that L was not getting sick.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let's hope that Light can handle in if L is getting sick.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> L is sick but still needs to work

"Ryuzaki, are you okay?" Light whispered to the older man. They were in the kitchen, getting Light a drink and L some cake. L's coughing had started out as small coughs and tiny sniffles, that no one but Light really noticed, but now they where hacking coughs that racked his frame and his nose was running. He had a collection of used tissues in his trashcan. L was paler than normal, almost sickly looking. He was shaking as if he were cold, but when Light had placed his hand near the back of L's neck, he could feel the heat radiating from the man. So, L had a fever. 

"I'm fine," L said, glaring at Light, but the glassy look in his eyes look the edge off. He looked like an angry kitten. 

"No, you are not," and L coughed as if trying to prove his point for him, "you are sick, you should rest." 

L rolled his eyes, "I am perfectly capable of working, Light," L said. 

"Ryuzaki, you need to take care of yourself," Light told him, looking him in the eyes, "the case will survive without you for a few days." 

"That might have been true a few weeks ago, Light, but may I remind him that we are trying to close in on Yotsuba. For the first time in months, we have a lead, and Light wants me to go rest because of a cough," L sounded angry, but at least he did not take Light's caring action and twist it to be something that Kira would do. 

"Yes," Light said, "because if you don't slow down now, you will just get sicker and be out for a week or two instead of a couple of days."

"I will take that chance." 

"Do I need to get Watari in here to convince you?" Light asked. The old man had not been around much that day, in his office or preparing snakes for L or doing whatever else Watari did. When Watari was in the room, however, L tried not to let his symptoms show at all. Clearly, Watari could make L go rest if that was what Watari wanted to do, and Light was willing to exploit that if it meant L taking some time off to get better. 

"Do not make idle threats at me, Light. I am not a child," L snapped, taking a bite of his cake. The sweetness calming his slightly. 

"Well, you are acting like one," Light told him, not even thinking that sometimes L very much was a child, "you are refusing to take care of yourself and getting all pouty when someone's asking you to take care of yourself."

"I thought you liked it when I was like that," L said lowly so that only Light could hear him. 

Light looked around the room to make sure that no one was coming, "I liked it when you were regressed, not when you act like a brat," Light hissed out the word 'brat.'

L flinched slightly at the word, but still glared at Light, "we must get back to work, Yagami," L stated in an angry tone, not wanting to admit it, but Light's words hurt his feelings. 

Light was right; he was sick. He knew a couple of days ago that he was getting sick. He woke up with a sore throat, and no matter what or how much he drank, but he ignored it. He could not get sick now, and he never got sick to begin with, why would he get sick not in the middle of a case. It was not fair! 

L took a deep breath to calm down from his childish thoughts and blinked away his tears. That was another thing; it was so hard to be an adult. He wanted to regress so badly, but he could not. It was so hard. It did not help that he was not allowing himself to be little recently. More so, he had not had the chance to be little recently, once again, because of the case progresses. He was in the same place he was in about a month ago. Having Light around all the time was not helping, just like the last time this happened, but this time it was worse. His little side remembered the safe and warm feeling that Light provided when he was regressed with him and so sad. So, logically, that side of his thought that Light could make him feel better now. 

No! Light has not been proven innocent yet. Maybe in a few weeks, he would be, but not know. L bit back a groan of frustration. Why couldn't things be simple in his life?

...

"At this point, it's safe to assume that Kira and the Yotsuba Group are connected in some way," L announced to the team, in full 'work' mode, thoughts of being little and Light banished for now. "We're going to investigate Yotsuba to determine who holds Kira's power and if there is more than one person who possesses the ability. We need a clear understanding, quickly," so that this stupid case could get over with, and L could finally resume his friendship with Light.

"I assume you are already aware, but I will say it anyway. We cannot let anyone from Yotsuba figure out that we are investigating them. Please realize that if they do notice, it means we won't be able to catch Kira," here, L coughed into his shirt and took a sip of his tea. At least his tea soothed his throat. 

"Be sure not to act impulsively out of panic or haste," L ordered, "and don't take matters into your own hands."

Two little beeps and the Old English "W" on L's laptop alerted the team that Watari connected. L looked behind his shoulder. 

"Ryuzaki," Watari said in an almost alarmed tone. 

Picking up on his handler's worried tone, L sat up a little straighter, "Yes, what is it," L said in a neutral tone.

"I have just received an emergency signal from Matsuda's belt," Watari informed. 

L sighed, "where is he," he asked with an unimpressed look on his face. What trouble did the idiot manage to get himself into? 

"It seems that it's coming from within the head office of the Yotsuba Group."

"Disregard everything I just said," L directed, "we'll need to rethink our strategy." 

"Matsuda, you idiot," L bit out the word idiot in anger. They had just thought out a strategy that L knew was going to work, and now because of Matsuda, they might not be able to get Yotsuba. L wanted to scream in frustration, but he knew that would only hurt his throat further, so he started stacking his coffee creamers into a vertical tower and knocking them down before starting the process over again.

Light noticed the behavior and knew instantly that L was frustrated and possibly anxious about the new development. There were only three reasons that L stacked things. Either he was bored, thinking, or frustrated/anxious. When L was bored or thinking, he stacked with more intricate designs like a pyramid or once he built an entire Coffee Creamer City with marshmallow people because he was thinking. When L was trying to process an emotion, he did what he was doing now stack a row and knockdown over and over again until he could join the rest of the world. Light hoped that this episode of stimming would not last too long, that needed to help Matsuda, but also knew that L needed to do it, so did not say anything. 

"We must call him to see the amount of danger he is in," L said after five minutes of stacking, "and if he can slip away, I will inform him of a plan." 

"What's your plan, Ryuzaki?" Light asked. 

...

"Hello," a very nervous sounding Matsuda answered the phone. 

"Yo, Matsui!" L greeted in a higher-pitched and more normal tone of voice, "it's me, Asahi. It's been a while, buddy." 

"Asahi! Yeah, it's been a long time," an obviously relieved Matsuda said. At least he did not sound injured, L thought. There plan would not work if he were hurt. 

L gave a fake chuckle, ignoring how this "Cool Guy Voice" as he liked to call it was making his throat hurt worse. Worry about Matsuda, then the state of your throat, L thought to himself. 

"Doesn't sound like you're out right now. Don't tell me you're home already?" L said, making sure to add a level of teasing into his tone, no doubt in his mind whoever had Matsuda was listening in. 

"Yeah," Matsuda responded.

"So, you by yourself?" L asked the obvious question that even Matsuda should be able to pick up on. 

"Yeah. I'm by myself. What's up," Matsuda said, his voice indicating that he was lying. Still, wording suggested that he was not with Misa Misa, which was a relief. They could use Misa Misa to aide in their rescue attempt. 

"He's not with Misa Amane right now. Matsuda must be on his own," L whispered in his normal voice to the rest of the team, covering his phone speakers. 

L left the phone to his ear and said in the Cool Guy Voice, "So, do you wanna, like, go out drinking tonight?" 

"Huh? Right now? Oh, sorry. I'll have to pass tonight," Matsuda said. 

"What's the matter?" L said as if disappointed, "Don't tell me your wallet is in trouble again?" L put emphasis on 'in trouble.' Are you in trouble? 

"Yeah, that's right. Big troubles with money. You know me way too well." 

L pulled the phone away from his ear, "Matsuda's saying he's in big trouble," L coughed and winced into his elbow again before pulling the phone back to his ear, struggling to get his voice back but said, "oh, that's too bad. Guess I'll drag you out some other time, all right? See ya, buddy," L hoped that Matsuda got the message that they were coming for him before he hung up. 

...

L's plan was working out perfectly so far, maybe L was right; he was capable of working right now. Still, Light did not like the strain he heard in L's voice, or the heat radiating off his hand when L tugged at his sleeve earlier or the redness of his cheeks, both indicating that his fever was rising. Plus, the glassy look in his eyes was starting to become off-putting. Light knew that after this whole Matsuda thing was over, he was getting Watari and forcing L to lay down. L should not be working with a fever and feeling as badly as he must be feeling. 

Then there was a ring on L's phone, "Ryuzaki, are you watching this?" Matsuda asked in a rush. 

"Yes," L confirmed. 

"Look, I'm really sorry that-" Matsuda apology was interrupted by L.

"That not important right now," L reminded. Matsuda could apologize as much as he wanted once he was safe, as far as L was concerned. 

"Okay. Listen, the eight men who came here were having a meeting to determine who they'd get Kira to kill for them, " Matsuda informed, "I heard them say it clearly. There's no doubt they're behind this."

Okay, maybe Matsuda's mistake was not all bad, L thought to himself. 

"Yea, that is probably true," L nodded but stopped when his head hurt at the movement. "But if you did overhear them and they caught you, then they'll almost certainly be trying to kill you right now," L said, wanting to make sure that Matsuda knew the gravity of the situation. 

Matsuda sighed and said, "I know." 

"Do you think there's anything I can do to save myself," Matsuda asked desperation in his tone. 

"Well, luckily, you're still alive, so we may be able to save you," L said, "but for that to happen... you will have to die before they can kill you."

"What," Matsuda gasped. Not understanding what L was trying to tell him. 

"I want you to listen to me very carefully," L slowed down his speaking as if talking to a child and explained his plan. 

...

It worked! It fucking worked, Light thought to himself as he pushed a gurney with L into a fake ambulance. L was obviously hurting with the fact that he was trailing slightly behind Light. His fever was causing him to sweat now. He looked like he could fall over at any second, so once they were in the ambulance, Light moved into a position that he could easily catch L if such a thing were to happen. He was definitely getting Watari as soon as possible. 

"While I'm aware of the fact that we're short-handed right now, I'm not very pleased about having to do this sort of thing myself," L complained, lifting his finger to his mouth, "Matsuda, you idiot." 

L then coughed and wheezed, "Ryuzaki, please sit down," Light asked, moving to hold onto L's shoulder to steady him when the man stumbled. Aiber looked about as concerned as Light felt. 

L nodded slightly, already thinking the same thing. He felt exhausted. L just wanted to go home and sleep forever, Kira case be damned. L slumped against the wall of the ambulance and closed his eyes, leaning his head against the cool wall. It felt amazing on his too hot skin. L felt a presence beside him but could bring himself to care. He felt comfy on the floor. L flinched back when he felt a hand on his forehead. 

"Calm down, L," Light whispered, "I'm checking for a fever." 

"Wata'i does that on the back of my neck," L said, dropping his head in an invitation. 

Light sighed and placed his hand on the back of L's neck. Light flinched at the heat there, "You're burning up, L!" Light exclaimed. 

L looked around, confused, "notta fire." 

Light sighed and caught the look in L's eyes. They had a childish gleam that was dulled due to sickness, but it was there. L was regressed. Light sighed internally, why did L have to regress at the worst possible time. 

"Are you little?" Light whispered in L's ear so that Aiber could not hear him. 

L whimpered and shook his head, pressing his thumb to his mouth and nibbled on it, trying not to suck on it, "I'mma big boy." 

That was the answer that Light needed, he placed his hand on L's too hot back and rubbed it to try and soothe him. 

"'s loud," L whined, covering his ears. 

"I know," Light said, wishing he could turn off the siren, "it'll turn off soon, I promise." 

L nodded, leaning into Light's touch. While L was not sure when he slipped down, he knew he was mostly little, and tried his best not to slip completely. If he did that, there was no coming back. So, L squirmed away from Light and forced himself to stop thinking about anything little. 

By the time they were back to the tower, he was big again, but Light made good on his promise and called Watari. 

L could not help but be angry at Light.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter will include fully little L, I promise.


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> L has a tantrum then regresses.

"L, what were you thinking?" Watari asked with his arms crossed, trying his best to use a calm but firm voice, knowing how L reacted to yelling and would rather L not get upset or ignore what he said. 

"I was thinking about solving the case and rescuing Matsuda," L said, his head bowed in embarrassment. 

Watari, L, and Light were in Watari's office. Watari forced L to take Tylenol for his fever and pain and made him lay down. He said that he was not moving until his fever of 103 was down to at least 101. 

They had him in his blanket, and a cool washcloth of his forehead with water and tea next to him, even though he protested that it was too much, but Watari and Light were not having it. 

Watari sighed. He knew that L would put the case above himself; he always did. Honestly, there was not much that L did not put above himself. While Watari was happy that L was not as selfish as people sometimes thought him to be, he wished that L would realize his self-worth. L's health was worth more than a case; his life is worth more than catching the criminal and not simply a "small sacrifice." He was worth more than the criminals and prostitutes that he late-night activities with. L was worth having friends and actual relationships outside of work. He is worth having a caregiver. 

However, looking back, Watari could not be mad at where L is now in comparison to where he used to be where he would let other children beat him because he thought he deserved to be hurt. L would let children call him horrible things because he thought it was okay and normal to be called those things. L would cut into his skin because he thought he deserved more pain. 

Yes, L does not feel like he deserves to get beaten and punished every day, but that was not enough for Watari. He needed L to understand, in the very least, that his physical health is worth more than work. 

Now, it was not the time nor the place to bring up such issues. Not when L was already miserable as it was and not with Light in the room. L had already heard all of Watari's rantings for the night and now needed some TLC. Perhaps the TLC would help L understand his worth in some way. He was worth being taken care of. 

"My boy," Watari sighed as he sat by L's feet, he put a hand on L's knee, "what am I going to do with you?" 

"I don't know," L responded with a hoarse voice.

"Nor do I," Watari patted L's knee and reached over to get the thermometer, "let's take your temperature again." 

L opened his mouth without complaint and held the thermometer under his tongue. No one said anything until the device beeped. 

"101," Watari said, and L sighed in relief. Then, Watari explained his terms to let him out of his office, and L agreed with a-

"Yes, Mr. Watari." 

...

Honestly, L wanted to listen to Watari, he really did. But there were two big factors as to why he could not listen. One, his little and big spaces were at battle. He was between headspaces, with each of them wanting to be on top. His big side yelling that he needed to be an adult and deal with this illness by himself. All he needed was for Watari to bring his medician and food every so often, and he would be fine. His little side, however, was crying that he needed his paci and blankie and Pomme. Little L wanted so bad for someone to hold him and tell him that everything was going to be okay. That it was just the flu, and he was going to get over it in no time. He wanted someone else to take care of him because if he was being completely honest with himself, he could not and did not want to take care of himself. He wanted Light to, but he could not let Light. 

There was his second reason, Light himself. Now, if L was being honest, he knew he was not mad at Light, made upset that he called Watari, and got him in trouble, but not mad. It was more that Light brought up so many emotions in L that he could not comprehend at the moment. He felt safe and scared around Light, happy and sad, content and frustrated. L was not used to feeling all of these emotions at once, let alone about the same person. It was confusing and complicated, and L hated to feel confused and could not deal with complicated right now because he still felt like shit because of his illness. Sure his fever was to a manageable degree now, but his head felt like it was full of cotton, his nose was runny, he felt too cold, and he hurt everywhere. His throat and chest hurt the worst, and his little side just wanted to cry about it. 

All of this made L angry at himself. Angry that he could not pick a headspace to be in, that he could not figure out his emotions about Light, that he was feeling all of this while he was ill. It was not fair. He should be able to just fall asleep and get better like everyone else, but no. He had to deal with his brain being mean to him. 

That was why when Light asked him in a gentle tone to get into bed, L said, "no," with a huff. 

"What," Light looked at L like he grew a second head. He just agreed with Watari to lay down and get the rest he so desperately needed. Now, he was saying no, like a lightswitch. While Light wanted to pretend that he did not know the reason why that could happen, he did. 

"No, I don't wanna get in bed," L crossed his arms like an angry child, which when Light took in his words and actions, he knew that he was very close to being said child. L just needed a little push. Unfortunately, Light did not know what that push could be without further upsetting L.

"You just agreed to come lay down," Light pointed out, "I don't think Watari would like to be called a second time because you aren't listening."

"No," L nearly shouted, trying, and nearly failing, to not stomp his foot. He needed to be big, "Light's not calling Watari."

"I will if you don't get into bed and try and take a nap," Light said, purposefully using more childish wording.

"No!" L cried, his big side losing, and he stomped his foot, tears burning his eyes, "no."

"Hey, hey," Light said, taking in a more gentle tone to try and appeal to L's little side, "there's no need to cry. Take a deep breath."

L whimpered, Light was using that voice. The voice that his little side loved and made him want to regress. He did not want to regress right now, he couldn't. L angrily whipped his tears away.

Light then placed a firm hand on L's shoulder, trying to comfort. It was the wrong move, Light knew when L pushed his hand away and shouted, "no, no! Go away! Go 'way!"

"No need to shout, L," Light said, still in his kind voice.

"Stop it!" L yelled, tears streaming down his face, "Wight go 'way!" 

"I can't go away," Light said, lifting the chain, "even if I could, I'm not." 

L sobbed at that. He was fully regressed now, but still sad and angry, and it was starting to become too much. He was starting to fell out of control. So, he was starting to cry and stomping his foot, rocking on his feet to try and soothe himself. 

"L, please c' mere, Buddy," Light said, opening his arms, hoping that L would accept the hug. 

But L could not accept it, "n-no, no, no, sh-shut up! Go 'w-w-way!" L did not want Light anymore. He was making L sad. 

"L," Light said in a scolding tone, crossing his arms. 

L felt a shiver go through him, and his breath hitched in fear. Light sounded mad, L sobbed and sank to the floor and screamed, covering his ears. L did not want a punishment. 

Light saw L collapse to the floor, and he was concerned that it was because of L's illness for a second before he screamed. L then kicked his feet on the floor and sobbed louder, crying incoherently that he wanted Light to go away and other things that Light could not understand. 

It reminded Light of the tantrums that Sayu would have when she was about two and three years old. He once asked if Sayu was hurt because he was concerned about his little sister. His father said no that she was very angry or sad, and they had to ignore her until she calmed down. 

So, Light did just that, he ignored L. He knew that he could not do anything to help L calm down until he was done with this tantrum. 

So, Light sat down on L's desk chair and pulled out his phone, so he had something to do. Listening to L's crying and screams were hard. It was absolutely heartbreaking, Light wished that he could gather L up in his arms and hold him as he cried, but knew that was not what L wanted or needed. He was worried about L's fever raising because of all of his thrashing, but he could check later. Watari had told him what to do if L's temperature raised back up to 103 or higher and when to call him. 

Eventually, L tired himself out, he was absolutely exhausted and felt like he could not move. L sniffled and wiped his sore eyes, but more tears replaced the ones that he wiped away, so he dropped his hand. He could not stop the tears. 

The baby curled up into a ball and looked up at Light. The man was on his phone, with his legs crossed. Light had a crease in his brow. One part of him wanted to ask for the hug that Light was offering earlier. Now that he was not angry, the yucky feeling of being sick caught up to him, and he just wanted someone to hold him. Another side of him, however, was reminded about a more horrific time. How Light was sitting, playing on his phone, reminded L of how his father would sit before punishing him. 

L sobbed at the memory but quickly pressed his lips together to quiet himself. He already put up enough of a fuss for a severe punishment. But he did not want a punishment, he did not want to be hurt. He felt yucky. He needed to hide, even though they always found him, it let L mentally prepare for what was about to happen. So, trying his best not to move the chain, he hid under his and Light's bed. 

Light heard as L finally calmed down, but did not try and talk to the baby for a few seconds. He wanted to make sure that L was mostly calm and that his intervention would not start him up again. After a couple seconds, Light looked down, thinking that he knew where L would be, but he was not there. 

Luckily, the handcuffs were still a thing, and Light was easily able to find him under the bed. 

"Hey, what's going on down here?" Light asked with a soothing voice, "why are you hiding, L?" 

L sobbed quietly and curled up into a tighter ball, pulling back from the voice as if he thought Light was going to pull him out from him hiding spot. 

Light took a beat to look at L. He was curled up into a tight ball with his head in between his knees, covering his butt... oh. Light understood why L decided to hide, he was scared that Light was going to hit him, probably thought that he was going to spank him, judging by the position of his hands. 

"L, Buddy, please listen," Light said, after a moment of quiet Light continued, "are you listening." 

L whimpered, but nodded, not moving so that he was looking at Light. Light was not bothered by it; however, L hardly looked at people he was listening to or talking to, to begin with, so Light did not expect anything else from his little side. 

"I'm not gonna hurt you," Light said, extending a hand to the baby, "please come out." 

L lifted his head to look at Light, his eyes were red and glassy with tears still streaming down his face, his face was red with his nose running, "Pw- pwomise?" L croaked, wincing at the pain in his throat. 

"Of course, Baby. I promise I'm not going to hurt you," Light said, hating that he had to promise. He wanted to kill whoever hurt L so much in the past.

L hesitated a second before taking Light's hand and allowing the man to help him out from under the bed. Light then pulled L into his lap and hugged the baby securely to his chest, taking L's blankie that fell to the floor during his fit and covered the baby. L squeezed Light back and buried his face into Light's chest. Light rocked back and forth tenderly to help L calm his leftover crying and sniffles. 

"I-I sowwy," L rasped into Light's chest. 

"It's okay," Light whispered, running his fingers through L's hair, subtly checking for a raising fever, but L did not feel any hotter, "you were just angry, weren't you?"

L sniffled and nodded, "I sowwy." 

"It's okay, Bubby," Light said, "I understand." While he did not want L to throw a tantrum every time he got angry, it was now not the time to bring it up. L wanted comfort, and he was obviously tired.

After a few minutes, Light shifted to reached to grab some tissues from L's desk, "let me see your face," Light asked kindly. L turned his head so that Light could see his face, Light brought a tissue to L's nose and said, "blow." Light then whipped L's face of his tears and threw the used tissues into the trash.

"Feel a little better?" Light asked, returning his hand to L's head, knowing that L loved his hair played with.

L shook his head, "no, feel yucky. Huwt." 

"What hurts, Buddy," Light asked, concerned that L accidentally hurt himself during his fit. 

L pointed to his throat then chest. 

"Your throat and chest hurt?" Light asked, not surprised by either. L's coughing was bound to start hurting, Light was thankful that the tantrum had not caused a coughing fit. Plus, all the yelling did not do his throat any good. 

L nodded in confirmation.

"I think we have some throat spray," Light said, picking the baby up, as he was unable and unwilling to let L go, and going to the bathroom. Light got the spray from the cabinet and helped the baby take the medicine. 

"Yucky," L made a disgusted face. 

"I know it doesn't taste very good, but you can't drink anything for a few minutes," Light explained. 

L nodded in understanding.

"You wanna go get changed," Light asked, wanting to get the baby into more comfortable clothes. 

"Pwea'," L begged, "no mowe big boy clo'es." 

"Okay, Baby," Light smiled, walking him and L into the back of L's closet.

Light did not think that L would care too much about what he was wearing, the baby was practically asleep on his shoulder. Light picked out a short sleeve dark blue onesie with stars and constellations (Light did not know that L liked space as much as his little clothes pointed to) and thin sweatpants with a diaper. Light picked up a pacifier as L was already sucking his thumb. Light quickly replaced L's thumb with his pacifier, the baby did not even seem to notice. 

Light laid the baby down on the floor and moved his blanket aside. L did not like that and whined and reached out for Light, "up." 

"Shh, I can't hold you and change you at the same time. The sooner we get this over with, the sooner I can hold you again." L pouted but dropped his arms. 

Light then fished the key to the handcuffs out of L's pocket. There was no way that Light could change L with the handcuffs on, plus Light was not going anywhere until L was better. With the cuffs off, Light was able to undress the baby.

"Lift up, Baby," Light asked.

L whined but complied, "sweepy," L complained, rubbing his hand clumsily. 

"Night-night soon, I promise," Light said, taping up the baby's diaper. L closed his eyes and suckled on his pacifier, hearing Light move around. 

Light helped the baby into his clothes as quickly as he possibly could, knowing that L would not last too much longer.

"Up we go, Buddy," Light told him, picking L up onto his hip. L instinctually rested his head on Light's shoulder and hummed in contentment. He loved Light holding him and knew that Light liked it too. 

L felt himself be laid down on their bed and being covered with his blankie. The baby wanted to be content. He had his paci and blankie, but he also wanted Pomme, and more importantly, he wanted Light. 

"Wight?" L asked, opening up his eyes.

"Shh," Light comforted, "I was getting into more comfy clothes," he explained.

L reached out, knowing that Light was done changing, "snuggle, pwea'." 

Light did not say anything, he got into bed and got under the covers, grabbing Pomme and handing her to L before pulling L into his arms with one hand playing with his hair. 

Not even a minute later, Light heard soft snoring coming from L. Light sighed, happy that L was finally resting. Light was also exhausted from the day and was not far behind L.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I almost made myself cry at the Watari part, but I fixed it by writing baby L at the end.   
> Next chapter will have little L the whole time.


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Little L needs Light to take care of him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This has been my favorite chapter to write.

L groaned as he woke up. He was still very regressed and still did not feel good. L felt like he could fall back asleep, but he was so uncomfortable. His diaper was soaked, he was thirsty, and he was hurting, his nose was running, his chest felt like it was full of something gross, and his head felt like it was full of cotton and his tummy hurt. 

The baby whimpered and squirmed, reaching out to where Light should be, needing the comfort that only Light could provide, but the baby could only feel cold sheets.

L made a confused noise and forced his eyes to open his eyes, the room was dimly lit because of the closed curtains, but L could still see. He could not see Light anywhere. The baby whined and felt tears burn his eyes as he sat up. He looked around the room, hoping that there would be a sign of Light anywhere, but he was not in the room. 

L felt panic set in. He did not want to be all alone. He was just a baby, and he was wet, thirsty, and sick. L did not know how to deal with all of this, and even if he did, L did not want to. But Light left him, so now he had to.

The baby sniffled and felt tears fall down his cheeks. He curled up as tight as possible and held Pomme and held her close as he buried his face in her faux fur and suckled on his pacifier even though it made breathing harder because his nose was runny. All he wanted was Light. He wanted Light to hold him and make him feel better and safe, just like he did last night. He wanted Light, but Light went bye-bye. A small sob left L's throat at that last thought. Light went bye-bye, and he was not coming back. 

No! L's mind yelled. Light would not do that. He would not go bye-bye. Not now, not when L was feeling so bad. Not after last night when Light dealt with L's fit and held him even holding him when he fell asleep. Just because Light was not in the bedroom, does not mean that he left the apartment. He could be anywhere in their apartment. L should go find Light so that he could get what he wanted. 

There was still a tiny voice in the back of his head that told him the Light did go bye-bye. That all of the baby's clinginess and neediness annoyed Light just like it did when Misa Misa did it and Light left because of that. That he was a bad boy, and Light did not want to be around such a bad boy. 

Those thoughts, however, only made L more determined to find Light. So, with his bunny held securely under his arm, blankie over his shoulders, and paci in his mouth, he marched out of his and Light's room and went to search for Light. 

Luckily, it was not hard for L to find Light, as he was in the kitchen, near the phone with his back turned to L. 

The baby promptly burst into relieved tears. Light did not go bye-bye. He was still here, L was right. 

Light turned as soon as he heard L's cries, and felt the baby collide with him, and the wind was knocked out of him with an "oof." 

After the second that Light needed to recover, Light hugged the baby back. The man could feel little quivers in the baby's body and hear his cries. He could still feel the heat on L, but he was cooler than he was yesterday. 

"Hey, what's wrong? What happened?" Light whispered in the baby's ear, rubbing his back and running his hand through L's hair. 

"Th-though Wight g-go-gone," L stuttered, holding onto Light tighter as if to assure himself that Light was not going anywhere, "woked u-up an-and no thew."

"I've told you, Baby," Light started, picking L up with ease, "I'm not going anywhere. I'm so sorry I wasn't there when you woke up," especially now since he saw L's reaction, "Watari came up with some medicine for you and food." 

L perked up when he heard the name of his handler, "Wawa?" L asked, looking around the room.

Light could not help but smile and both the way L said 'Watari,' and Light thought that L could not get any cuter, and the way that L was looking around the room, as if he wanted to see Watari.

"Watari went back to work, Buddy," Light explained and nearly melted when L gave a disappointed 'aw.'

"Then I called my dad and explained that you were sick, and we wouldn't be at work today. I was about to go back to the room when you came in here," Light finished his explanation. 

"No, wo'k aday?" L asked, looking up at Light, the only evidence of tears the wet marks on his face. 

"Nope," Light said, "and you're not going to work until you are all better." 

L nodded, "tay. No feew good," L buried his face in Light's neck.

"I know, Buddy," and Light hated it for L, "let's get some medicine in you, then we can eat something." 

L did not like that plan. He hated taking medicine, and he was not hungry, plus "wet and fiw'ty," L coughed. His throat felt like a desert, and his diaper was heavy and cold against his skin. 

"Okay, let's take medicine and get something to drink with that, then we'll get you changed," Light suggested.

L nodded as Light placed him on the counter, raising his knees to his chest automatically. Light got a bottle of water from the fridge, and the medicine Watari brought for him. The older man also brought L oatmeal and orange juice for breakfast. 

"Here you go," Light said, taking the pacifier out of L's mouth and handing L the medicine and helping him wash down the meds with a hand on the bottle. 

L made a disgusted face and drank most of the water to quench his thirst. 

"Let's get you changed," Light said.

"Uppy," L raised his arms.

Light smiled and picked the baby from the counter and carried him the back of L's closet. They really needed to move some stuff out of the closet like diapers, wipes, clothes, bottles, and toys. Light would do that later if L said he could. 

Light laid L down and quickly changed the baby, who hid his face in his bunny's tummy out of embarrassment. Light wished L would get over his embarrassment, but knew it would take a while for L to be fully comfortable with Light taking care of him entirely. 

"Let's get some food," Light said, helping L to his feet. 

"Baf," L argued, pointing toward the tub while Light picked up one of the baby's sippy cups for a drink. 

Light sighed; he knew that L liked to take showers and baths. He liked being clean. But the baby needed to eat something first, so Light said, "let's eat first, then you can take a bath." 

"No hun'gy," L whined, "baf, pwea'."

"C'mon, L. You gotta eat something," Ligh said, L pouted. He just wanted a bath. 

"For me?" Light asked, hoping that he would not have to use Watari as a threat again. 

"Tay," L pouted, looking at the floor. 

"Oh, c'mere," Light said, bringing the baby to his chest, "don't act like I'm being mean." 

"Is mean," L said, covering his cough with his elbow as Light lifted him up again, "no baf." 

"I don't say 'no bath,' drama king," Light teased, "I said bath after breakfast." 

"Stiw mean," L said.

"Yeah, I'm so mean," Light said, rolling him eyes, placing L at a kitchen chair, "I'm feeding you and everything." 

Light retrieved the bowl of oatmeal from the cart and warmed it up in the microwave. 

"No hun'gy," L whined.

"You gotta eat something, Baby," Light said. Silence fell over the pair for a minute until the microwave beeped. 

"Here we go," Light said, placing the oatmeal in front of L. Light went to the fridge and got a yogurt and fruit for himself and poured orange juice into L's sippy cup. 

When Light turned back to the baby, he was slightly disappointed when he saw that L had not touched his food. 

"L," Light said in a firm tone, the baby jumped at the tone, "please eat."

L reached for the orange juice in Light's hand, but Light did not give it to him, "no juice until you take a few bites," Light said firmly. 

L whined as he pushed the bowl away from him. He just wanted a bath and juice, and Light was being mean and not letting him. So, he was not going to do what Light wanted him to do. 

Light sighed, L could be so stubborn, but, unfortunately for L, Light was also incredibly stubborn when he wanted to be. So, Light sat the juice away from L so he could not reach it and ate his breakfast while L sat (crouched) on the chair. 

L sniffled and pouted, tears entering his eyes, he started to rock gently back and forth. He did not want to eat, and Light was ignoring him. It was starting to hurt his feelings. He did not like it. Soon, tears were streaming down his face for the second time that day. The baby was not feeling good, and Light was trying to make him do things that he did not want to do. It was not fair. 

"C'mere, L," Light said when he noticed the tears, taking the last bite of his breakfast, and opening his arms, "there's no need to cry, Baby," L climbed onto Light's lap and coughed and stifled, his thumb going in his mouth. 

"W-Wight," L sobbed, "wanna wa-wanna," L tried to talk, but he was too upset to form words.

"Shh, shh," Light bounced L on his knee to calm him down, "everything's okay, Baby. I'm right here." 

After a second, L was able to calm enough to talk about why he was upset, "want da juice 'nd want baf."

"I know, Buddy," Light said, holding L tight, "how about juice, then oatmeal, and then a bath."

"No hun'gy," L said, looking at his sippy cup.

"Just a few bites after the juice," Light said. He never thought that he would ever have to bargain with a sick toddler over eating (he never wanted kids), but it seemed with L that is what he would have to do. "Then we can have a bath." 

L nodded, "otay, Wight," reaching for his juice, that is all he cared about right now. He would worry about the food later. 

"There you go," Light said, handing L the cup. L put the soft spout in his mouth and suckled. He leaned his head against Light as he drank. 

Soon, L was done, and he put his cup on the table. 

"Okay," Light said, pulling the oatmeal toward him and L, "let's eat now." Light stirred the oatmeal and brought a spoonful of food to L's mouth, not giving the baby a chance to argue. 

Thankfully, L opened his mouth to let Light spoon the food into his mouth, "thanks, L," Light said when the baby took the bite and kissed the side of L's head. 

After six bites, L refused to eat anymore. 

"Just a couple more," Light suggested.

"No," L whined, popping his thumb in his mouth and turning his head into Light's shoulder. 

"Okay," Light said, putting the spoon in the half-full bowl, enjoying the feeling of holding L for a few seconds.

"Baf time," L reminded Light, "pwea'." 

"Of course, Little Guy," Light responded with a smile, he patted L's bottom and asked him to stand so that he could as well. 

"Yay," L clapped. 

Light smiled again and led the baby to the bathroom.

"Let's get these clothes off," Light said after he started the bathwater. 

After taking the baby's clothes and diaper off, Light asked, "do you wanna take the bracelet off too?" pointing at L's left wrist. Light had never seen L with it off, even in the shower, but thought the baby might want it off. 

"No!" the baby shouted, backing up from Light. L's eyes were wide in fear, and he held his wrist to his chest like it was hurt. 

Light held his hands up and said, "okay, you don't have too." 

Light then helped the baby into the bath. L smiled and splashed lightly. Light smiled back. He loved seeing the baby so happy, and this was worth the little bit of arguing. 

"Do you have any toys?" Light asked.

L nodded, "up," L said, pointing to a box at the top of his closet. 

Light retrieved the box and pulled out a few toys so that the baby could play. Light also saw that L had a bottle of baby shampoo and soap and pulled that out.

L was dunking his rubber ducks under the water and giggling when the duck popped back up. Light smiled as he watched the baby played. 

After five minutes of playing, L handed Light his cup for the bath, "Wight do it pwea'," L asked with puppy eyes. 

L was asking Light to give him a bath, and Light smiled bigger, "of course."

Light used the water in the tub to fill the cup and poured it over L's head, making the baby's hair fall into his face, Light pushed the hair back so that L could see what Light was doing. 

"Dis," L said, handing Light his shampoo. 

"Thanks, L," Light gave a small chuckle and squeezed the shampoo into his hand and rubbed them together. He then ran his fingers through the baby's hair, gently scratching L's scalp, causing him to melt. 

L leaned his head forward and hummed in pleasure. Light frowned as he felt a rough patch of skin on the back of L's neck. Light had seen those scars before when they showered together, but feeling them and seeing them are two different things, and Light felt sick. He knew what the circle scars were from, and wonder how someone could do that to another human. 

Light shook his head. He should not be thinking about that right now. He was supposed to take care of L right now, not thinking of the past. So, with a deep breath, Light turned his attention back to L. 

"What are you doing to that poor duck, L?" Light asked, noticing that L had the duck under the water again.

"Fiwwin' wif wawa," L explained as he squeezed the duck underwater. The baby then lifted the duck out of the water and squeezed it as hard as he could at the wall, causing water to spray everywhere, including on Light. 

Light chuckled and said, "okay, hold still for a sec so I can get the soap out of your hair." 

"Tay," L responded, dropping the duck and closing his eyes. 

Light rinsed out L's hair a few times until all of the shampoo was out. 

"Dis one," L announced, handing Light his baby soap with a loofah.

"Thank you again," Light said again with a smile. 

Light poured the soap onto the loofah and scrubbed it in, smiling as L cooed at the bubbles appearing. 

Light washed the baby quickly, wanting to have time to watch the baby play some more. The man started with L's chest, went down his arms and tummy, went to his feet and legs then rinsed the baby off. 

"C-cowd," L complained after a few minutes of playing. 

"Let's get out then, Buddy," Light said, laid a dry towel down on the floor. He helped the baby out of the tub and drained it. 

"Let's get you nice and dry, Baby," Light said, drying the baby off with a different towel. 

"Are you feeling any better, L?" Light asked, feeling the baby's forehead for a sign of a fever. L still felt warm but not overly so.

"Yeah," L nodded, "witt'e bit." 

"That's good," Light smiled, helping the baby up and leading him to the closet (yep, they needed stuff out of here) and asked, "what do you want to wear." 

"Dis," L picked a white long sleeve onesie that said, 'I have you raptor round my finger' with a cute green dinosaur at the end. 

Light sighed and looked at the baby, who had a smirk on his face. It kind of reminded him of the games that big L would play just much cuter and a lot less aggravating. 

"You're lucky you're cute," Light said in a matter of fact tone, making the baby giggle and nod. 

"Lay down, you goof," Light said, picking up a diaper on his way to the baby, "do you want pants?" 

L shook his head. The pants made him hot sometimes, and the baby did not like that. 

"What do you wanna do?" Light asked when he was done changing L, "you wanna just chill?"

L nodded, "movie?" 

"Yeah, we can watch a movie," Light said with a smile as they walked into the living room where they left L's comfort items, which L walked towards and picked up right away. "What do you want to watch?" 

L shrugged, popping his pacifier in his mouth. He did not care what they watched. He was starting to feel sleepy again and wanted to snuggle with Light again. 

"I'll pick something out then," Light said, choosing a kids movie and playing it. 

"Snuggle?" L asked when Light sat down.

"Yeah, Buddy, c'mere," Light said, opening an arm and letting the baby snuggle into his side, "there you go." 

L yawned past his pacifier but tried to stay awake for the movie. That did not last long when Light started to run his fingers through his hair and rub his back. 

It was like the man put a spell on him, and the baby was asleep only thirty minutes into the movie.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You cannot convince me that Little L would not pull the "I have you raptor round my finger" thing with Light. We all know it's the truth.


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> L feels worse than he did in the morning. Thankfully he still had Light.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Honestly, the chapter was supposed to be longer, but I think I ended it pretty good.

Light looked down at L in his arms, concerned. During his nap, Light could feel L's body temperature rise steadily until the baby was almost as warm as he was yesterday. L was now sweating, shivering, and he was flushed and whimpering in his sleep. 

"Shh," Light whispered to L, holding on to the baby tighter. L was obviously uncomfortable from the fever, even in his sleep. Light hated it; L should not be in pain.

"I'll be right back, Baby," Light told L. He knew that L could not hear him, but it would feel wrong to leave L when he was so vulnerable and clingy without saying anything. "I promise," Light kissed the top of L's head. 

L whimpered as Light moved him to lay down on the couch. "Shh," Light hushed the baby, rubbing the baby's back until he settled down and relaxed into his pillow. Light covered the baby with his blankie and tucked the blankie around him to make sure that it would not go anywhere. Before Light went to get a thermometer, he made sure L had his rabbit and paci. 

Thankfully when Light got back into the living room, L was still comfortable and asleep. Light gently removed L's pacifier from his mouth and stuck the thermometer into his mouth, and maneuvered it under L's tongue. As the device took his temperature, Light rubbed his thumb against L's cheek and ran his fingers through the baby's hair. When the thermometer beeped, Light almost did not what to look at it. 

102.8 the screen read. That was close to 103 again; Light needed to get it down before he had to call Watari. 

"Let's get some more medicine in you, Baby," Light said to the still sleeping baby. Light was surprised that L was still asleep; he was normally incredibly easy to wake up, and taking out L's pacifier should have woken him. The baby really was feeling horrible if he could not be easily woken up. 

"Hey, Baby," Light shook the baby, "wake up."

The baby groaned and rolled away from Light, not fully awake yet. 

"C'mon, L," Light shook L again, "wake up, you need some medicine." 

"Uh-uh," L squirmed and cracked open his eyes. He did not want to wake up. He was so sleepy, and he was hurting. 

"I know, Baby," Light said in a comforting tone, causing L to relax slightly, "but we need to get you medicine." 

"Fiw'ty," L groaned miserably. It felt like he could not get enough to drink. His throat felt dry to the point of being painful. 

"I have a cup of water," Light said, grabbing the sippy cup from the coffee table. L cooed and made grabby hands to the cup. 

Light helped the baby sit up, sitting behind L to support him. Light put the pills in L's mouth and helped L hold his sippy cup. A bottle might be easier, Light thought when the baby did not want to hold onto the cup. Not that Light could blame him, L was exhausted, in pain, and was literally a sick baby at this point.

"Fank 'oo, Wight," L thanked then man when he was done, rolling onto his side and snuggling into Light's chest so that he could hear the man's heartbeat. L's thumb was in his mouth in an instant. Light pulled the thumb out of L's mouth; L's nose was too congested to have anything in his mouth as it would make breathing too difficult. 

The baby did not like this and whimpered and tried to pull his hand out of Light's grasp, "Wight," L whined, looking up with puppy eyes, begging Light to let him suck his thumb without words. 

"You can't breathe with your thumb or paci in your mouth," Light told him gently, knowing how much sucking on his thumb or pacifier soothed L. Might be why he bites his nails so much in big space.

The baby whimpered, he knew that it was true, but he did not like it. 

"Shh, Baby," Light comforted, rocking the baby slowly and playing with L's hair, "it's okay, I got you, Buddy. Go back to sleep. Everything's okay."

Under Light, gentle ministrations, and words, L was able to fall back asleep without his thumb or paci. 

"There you go, Baby Boy," Light whispered when L fell back asleep. Light continued to hold the baby for a few minutes, just needing to hug him. Maybe he was also becoming clingy. Unfortunately, Light needed to do things not related to cuddling L. 

Once again, Light needed to help the baby settle before going about his way. First, he stopped by the back of L's closet. He could not effectively take care of the baby if he had to keep traveling to the other side of the apartment from the living room. Not only was it a waste of time, but Light did not want the baby to cry again if Light was not there when he woke up. The man picked out a few of his diapers and clothes before taking them back to the living room and placing them on the bottom shelf of the coffee table. He would organize them later. 

Light went back to get a few more fuzzy blankets and stuffed animals for comfort. Honestly, he might make L a pillow and blanket nest for L when he got back to the living room. Maybe that would help the baby stay comfortable and calm in his sleep without needing Light to hold him. As much as Light would love to hold and cuddle L until he few better, Light still needed to do things like work and getting things for L. 

Then, Light filled a bowl with lukewarm water and got a washcloth. He went back to the living room and felt the baby's forehead; while not as warm as it was a half-hour ago, he was still warm. 

Light wrung the water out of the washcloth and pressed it to the baby's forehead. L hummed in his sleep and leaned into the cool touch. 

"Bet that does feel good doesn't it, Baby," Light said with a smile at the baby's reaction. He hoped that he was doing the right thing and that the meds and cool washcloth would help break L's fever. 

An hour after L took medicine, Light check L's temperature again and breathed a sigh of relief when the was 101. 

Hopefully, L's temperature would not rise that high again. Light set an alarm on his phone for four that afternoon when L's next dose was due. 

...

When L woke up next, he was in both a comfortable and uncomfortable state. Comfortable because of the warmth surrounding him. He felt his blankie covering him and felt fuzziness below him. The baby rubbed the fuzzy below him with his hand humming at the sensation. He was also holding his rabbit to his chest. Everything was soft and fuzzy and warm, and he felt secure and safe like he was in a cocoon. The uncomfortable feeling came from the soreness in his muscles and just being sick. The baby was also thirsty. L groaned, he did not want to get out or be taken out of his safe cocoon, but he needed someone to fix what made him feel so yucky.

"Hey, Buddy," L heard Light's voice, "are you awake?"

"Uh-huh," L baby mumbled, struggling to open his eyes, and when he did, he saw Light by his side, kneeling on the floor and smiling kindly at them. L smiled back slightly. 

"How do you feel, Baby?" Light asked. 

"Some yucky," L responded. 

"What feels yucky?" Light asked, concerned. 

"Sowe 'nd fiw'ty," L complained, "bu' dis comfy," L said, looking around his cocoon that was made of pillows and his fuzzy blankies. He also had more of his stuffed animals. L grabbed a teddy bear and held it close, just like with Pomme. 

"I'm sorry your sore, Buddy," Light said, running his fingers through the baby's hair to comfort him, "Watari brought you some soup, and we can get you something to drink with your soup."

"What soup Wawa bwing?" L asked. 

"Chicken noddle."

"Has baba wif?" L asked with puppy eyes.

God, why did L have to be so cute with those big puppy dog eyes? How could Light deny the baby anything when he was looking at him like that? 

"What do you want in your bottle?" Light asked, going to the kitchen, knowing that L was comfortable where he was. 

"Milk?" L asked, looking back at Light to watch what he was doing. 

Light thought about that for a second. He knew that the myth of milk making more phlegm was false but that it could make it thinker. One bottle of milk would not kill L or make his symptoms worse, so Light said, "sure, Buddy." 

"Fank, 'oo," L thanked, watching as Light heated up his soup and pour the milk in his bottle.

"Wawms id up, pwea'?" L asked, pointing to his bottle. He liked his milk warm.

Light did just that after the soup was done and decided to let the bottle cool down while L ate his soup by keeping the lid off. 

"Need the soup fiwst," sounding disappointed, but he did not have the energy to argue with Light.

"Yeah," Light said, "let's eat first, Baby." 

L nodded, "Wight do it," the baby asked, wanting Light to feed him as he did that morning. It was nice.

"Sure, Baby," Light said, sitting next to the baby, spooning the soup into L's mouth. L hummed as the warm soup soothed his throat. 

L eagerly opened his mouth for another bite. Light smiled, glad that it was not hard to get the baby to eat as in was that morning, although Light thought that it had something to do with L feeling worse than he did that morning. 

"Good job, L," Light said when the baby was done eating, ruffling L's hair, causing the baby to giggle. Light smiled at L's giggle. 

"Baba, pwea," L asked, making grabby hands toward his bottle. 

"Do you want me to help?" Light asked, knowing what the answer would be. 

L nodded, "pwea'."

Light once again sat behind L in his cocoon, and L snuggled into Light, opening his mouth for his bottle. The baby suckled and hummed. 

Light looked down at L. They made eye contact for a second before L broke it by looking down and resting his head against Light's chest. Light stroked the baby's cheek lovingly as he drank. Light kissed the side of L's head, and the baby smiled, causing some milk dribble down the side of L's mouth. Light whipped the milk off L's chin. 

"Cute, Baby," Light cooed. L responded by gripping Light's shirt and snuggling closer while taking a break to breathe through his mouth. 

Once finished with his bottle, L yawned, saying, "sweepy." 

"I know, Baby," Light said, rocking the baby gently, "sleep as much as you need." 

"Wight stay," L asked, forcing his eyes to remain open. 

"I'll be right here when you wake up," Light promised, covering the baby with his blankie up to his shoulders.

L nodded at the promise. Closing his eyes and falling asleep fast. Light, not caring about the dirty dishes, held the baby close to his chest as he slept. Light wished that if he held L long enough or gave him enough kisses that he would take L's illness away. That maybe if Light held the baby through his sleep, L would wake up feeling better and good enough to go to work. But Light knew that was not how this worked. L would have to fight off this sickness, and all Light would do is help by giving L meds and making sure that the baby was comfortable and feed and had enough to drink. Light needed to be someone that L could trust right now to take care of him and love him, and Light could not think of anything he would rather do at this moment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning, L does get worse before he gets better. Next chapter will feature Light getting slightly panicky and Watari stepping in to help the situation.


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Light has to call Watari even though he does not want to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ADHD was acting up while writing this. IDK how much since this makes.

Light was about to have a god damned panic attack.

L woke up in the middle of the night, and he instantly started crying and whimpering quietly. Light was by his side in an instant (having not fallen asleep yet, too worried for L), pulling the baby into his arms. His shirt was soaked. 

"Hey, hey," Light cooed, rocking the baby soothingly and running his hand through L's hair, "what's wrong, Baby?" 

"No feew good, Wight," L whined, sniffling and trying to calm down, but he felt so yucky.

"Aw, I know, you poor baby," Light said, heart breaking for the baby in his arms. Light felt L's forehead. He was burning up! 

Light reached over and grabbed the thermometer and tried to place it in L's mouth. The baby was not having it. He shook his head and turned away from Light. 

"I know," Light said sympathetically, "you're tired of it, but I gotta know, Baby." 

L whined, shaking his head again. He felt yucky, and he did not want Light to stick that thing in his mouth again. It was obvious that he had a fever. 

"For me, Baby?" Light asked, knowing that saying something was for him would make the baby more likely to do it. It was not a tactic that Light liked to do, but if it were the only way to make L do something, he would do it. 

L whimpered but turned his head and opened his mouth so that Light could stick the device in his mouth.

"Such a good boy," Light praised, kissing the side of L's head and rocking him. L snuggled closer to Light in response. He wanted to be a good boy for Light. 

The thermometer beeped, and Light cursed under his breath. 103.

"Bad wowd," L scalded sleepily, booping Light's nose. 

Light snorted, "I know, Baby, that wasn't very good of me, was it."

"Nuh-uh."

"Let's get you cooled down, okay," Light said, changing the subject from his 'bad behavior.' 

L nodded. He did not like the medicine, but he knew it made him feel better. So, he would take it. L opened his mouth for the medicine and suckled on his bottle when Light put the nipple in his mouth. 

"Fank 'oo," L said when he was finished. 

"Your welcome," Light responded with a smile, "Let's get you a new diaper and shirt, okay."

"Wet," L said, pulling his onesie away from his skin, making a disgusting face, "yucky." 

"I bet," Light said with a smile, happy that he was lucid despite having such a high fever. Light pulled out a plain blue t-shirt and a diaper.

Light pulled the onesie off of L's skin causing L to shiver, "cowd," L whimpered, crossing his arms. 

"I know," Light said, the fever must be making him feel cold despite the sweating, pulling the head hole over L's head.

"Give me your arms," Light helped put L's arms through sleave holes. "There you go."

After changing the baby's diaper, Light said, "I'm going to get a cool washcloth, okay." 

"Come back?" L begged.

"Of course, Baby Boy," Light said, running his hand through L's hair. 

"'tay." 

Like earlier that day, he filled a bowl with lukewarm water and got a washcloth. He went back into the living room and kneeled next to L. After wringing out the washcloth, he pushed L's hair out of his forehead, and he placed it on the baby's forehead. 

"Cowd," L complained, pulling away from the washcloth. 

"It's supposed to be, Baby," Light told him, "it'll cool you down." 

"I hot," L said, "'nd cowd." 

"I guess that is one way to describe it," Light responded as the baby yawned. 

"Ni-ni 'gain," L said, closing his eyes. 

"Yeah, go night-night, Baby Boy," Light smiled, running his hands through L's hair. 

"Ni-ni." 

"If only this fever would break," Light muttered to himself with a sigh, submerging the washcloth back into the water. He really did not want to call Watari. Light did not know what the older man knew of L's regression and did not want to call him if he knew nothing of it. That would be essentially outing L to his handler, and Light had no idea how Watari would react. He doubted that Watari would react violently or abandon L or anything like that, but he might treat L differently, which would break L's heart in a similar way. On the other hand, Light knew that if L's fever kept fluctuating like this or if it stayed high, he would have to call. 

Light prayed that it would not come to that point. 

...

Light had passed out, holding L at around four in the morning. Only an hour later, he was woken up by a very upset and squirmy baby. 

"No, no," L whimpered, a flailing arm catching Light in the chest.

"Oh," Light gasped in surprise, holding the baby's arms- more reactionary than anything else. 

"L?" Light questioned, now fully awake, holding the baby tighter to his chest when the squirming did not cease. He leaned over to look at L's face. He was still sleeping, but his face was pinched in pain and fear. Light recognized that L was having a nightmare.

"No!" L screamed, trying to pull away, but Light held him tighter, rocking back and forth slowly.

"L, wake up," Light said, "you gotta wake up."

The baby whined, "help," L whimpered in his sleep. 

"I'm trying to help, Baby," Light said, sad at the little whimper, "wake up." 

After a few more seconds of rocking and telling L to wake up, the baby finally opened his eyes. 

L looked around the room for a second before looking up at Light and bursting into tears. The baby hugged Light tightly, burying his face in Light's shoulder. 

"Shh, Baby," Light whispered, patting the baby's back lightly when L started coughing, "I got you." 

"N-ni'mawe," L sobbed, "huwt." 

"Shh, nothing can hurt you, Sweety," Light assured, "I won't let anyone hurt you." 

L whimpered, too exhausted to keep crying loudly, but silent tears trailed down his face. 

Light reached over to pull out a tissue to wipe the baby's face with. L did not even seem to notice, which concerned Light. 

"You're still burning up, Baby," Light whispered, more to himself, though he expected L to say something like 'notta fire' again. L did not say anything. 

He's just tired, Light told himself; he has a high fever that keeps waking him up and just made him have a nightmare. Of course, he would not be talkative.

103.5 the thermometer, which L also did not react to, said. 

"Crap," Light muttered to himself. Watari told him that if he could not get L's fever to go down from 103 for a few minutes or if it got higher than 103 to give him a lukewarm bath after medicine and call him. But Light did not want to call Watari, so if he could not get the fever to go down, then he would call Watari. Light nodded at his own plan. 

After getting L to take more medicine, Light carried the baby to the bathroom with a diaper and shirt in hand. Once he was in the bathroom, he turned the bathwater on so that lukewarm water came out. 

"You're probably gonna hate me for this, especially since I have no idea how much of this you are understanding right now because your fever is so high, but just know that this is for your own good," Light rambled, taking the baby's shirt and diaper off it the process.

L did not react until he was put in the tub. It was freezing! The baby already felt like he was tundra surrounded by penguins (L liked penguins. Maybe Watari or Light would let him have one). Now, there was ice quickly crawling up his leg to his tummy and chest. It was chocking him. It hurt! Like knives stabbing his skin over and over. L whimpered. He was going to freeze to death. Where was Light? Light had to save him. Please. 

L started to thrash the second that he was in the water, whimpering and crying out. Light held him to keep him as still as possible, knowing that L did not understand what was going on. 

"Wight," L chocked out, going limp, "Wight." 

"I'm right here, Baby," Light whispered in L's ear, "I know you don't like it, but you'll feel better soon, I promise." 

L whimpered at Light's words. Luckily, Light was right. The ice slowly started retreating. What replaced it was an almost comforting cool compress. 

L looked over the side of the tub and look at Light, who was looking at him with concerned eyes. 

"Hey, Baby Boy," Light said, running a hand through L's hair and felt his forehead; he was much cooler. 

The baby sighed and closed his eyes. He was Light's baby boy. He loved being Light's baby boy.

"Do you understand me, Sweety?" Light asked. 

L nodded. Why was Light asking a question like that? Of course, he could understand. 

Light sighed in relief, "there was a minute that you didn't." 

L's eyebrows knotted in confusion.

"Everythings okay, Baby," Light said, "let's get you out now. Get you all nice and dry." 

"'tay," L nodded.

"Good boy," Light said with a smile, helping the baby out of the bath. Light had L dried, diapered, and dressed in record time. 

"Uppy," L asked, making grabby hands toward Light. The man smiled and easily lifted the baby onto his hip. Light ran a hand through L's hair and kissed his forehead, celebrating in his head when the baby felt much cooler. 

L smiled at the affection and hugged the man and kissing Light's cheek and resting his head on Light's shoulder. 

"Such a good baby," Light whispered as he walked back into the living room. 

L sighed once they were back on the couch, snuggling into Light a deeply as possible. 

Light smiled down at the baby. He reached over to get L's blankie and cover him with it. Once again, L was asleep within minutes. 

Light closed his eyes, but he could not fall asleep, too worried that if he fell asleep, L's fever would rise again. Even though logically, Light knew that L's fever could rise if he were awake and that he needed sleep, he could not bring himself to fall asleep again. 

...

Now, back to why Light was about to have a god damned panic attack. 

The bath had not worked in the long run. As soon as the baby was out of the bath, his temperature started rising again, and Light could not get it to go back down. Light tried a cool washcloth, medicine, he even removed the baby's blankie off him. The baby did not like that, fussing at Light until he gave the blanket back. 

"Mine," the baby had said with tear-filled eyes and a horse voice. 

Now, L's temperature was back up to 103.5 and was being as stubborn as the person it was afflicting and was not going down. 

L was once again whimpering and shaking in his sleep, "shh," Light hushed, patting the baby's back, not know what else he could do.

He needed to call Watari.

Light breathed in and out slowly, trying to calm himself before he pressed number 4 on his speed dial. 

"Yes?" Watari answered after one ring. 

"Ryuzaki's fever is not going down," Light responded, trying to keep the panic out of his voice, not entirely sure if he succeeded, "I've tried everything you said, medicine, cool washcloth, even the lukewarm bath, but nothing is working. Please help." 

"I will be up in about ten minutes. I must get some supplies," Watari assured, hanging up the phone.

L, who was seemed to be asleep peacefully finally, rolled over in his sleep, revealing his shirt that said, 'ohh so cute.'

Light sighed, pulling up L's blankie up to cover the shirt. He knew that he could not hide the obvious from the older man (he was much smarter than most of the other task force members), but Light hoped that he could hide what L was wearing. Maybe hide everything else.

"I had to call Watari, Sweety" Light told the sleeping baby, "he should be up here soon." 

In those ten minutes, Light rushed to get the baby changed into more 'big boy' clothes as L called them, one of L's white shirts and a pair of black sweats. There was no way that he was going to put the baby into a pair of jeans. That would be just plain mean. He also changed the baby's diaper and hoped that the one he put him in would hold up until Watari left. 

Light removed all of L's stuffed animals (throwing them into his and L's room), except Pomme, who was in the baby's arms. He kept L's cocoon intact, however, knowing that the baby would hate it if Light removed it. 

He was about to remove L's diapers and baby clothes from the coffee table, but the elevator dinged, revealing Watari on the other side. Light walked over to the older man who had an IV pole with a bag of something. 

"What's that?" Light asked, pointing at the bag. 

"Acetaminophen," Watari answered, "it is a pain and fever reducer. L has always been sensitive to fevers, and this medication has always worked when it will not go down."

Light breathed a sigh of relief. At least Watari knew what to do, now if only he could keep L's secret. 

"He is asleep," Watari said, and Light nodded. 

"L's been kinda in and out of it," Light explained, "he's had a few nightmares, but falls back asleep pretty easily." 

Watari nodded, "I would rather him be asleep when I put in the IV," he walked next to L and sat on the edge of the couch, facing the coffee table, but, thankfully looking at L, "but if he wakes up, you might need to hold him down, Light."

"Uh, o-okay," Light responded, not liking the sound of that, but thinking it might be similar to the bath. 

"He has always had an adverse reaction to needles," Watari said. So, in other words, L was scared of needles. 

Light easily settled behind L on the couch, and Watari rolled up L's sleeve to find the vain in the crook of his elbow. As Watari tapped L's skin to make the vain rise, Watari looked over to the coffee and smiled at what he saw. 

Light followed Watari's eye line and nearly stopped breathing at what Watari was looking at. Fuck, Light thought, why didn't he at least think to cover it up with something. Maybe it had something to do with running on an hour of sleep after 26 hours, but Light was supposed to be smarter than that.

Watari saw the panicked look on Light face and reassured, "I know much more about L than he thinks." 

Light's eye widened when what Watari said sunk in, but did not- could not- reply. 

"Let's get this IV in," Watari said to get Light's mind back on track, he could explain more later.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter will feature Little L and Watari spending time together.  
> Also proud that I've been posting at reasonable times (not 2 in the morning), but I know that will change this week because Labor Day weekend is over.
> 
> Also also my friend told me that Light should call L nicknames such as Sweety and Sweetheart because of how much candy he eats. I did it some in this chapter to test it out and I like it what do you guys think.  
> Okay this note is long enough, no more editing it.


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Watari takes care of L while Light sleeps

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I honestly finished this during the kids' nap time on my phone. I will check more better later.

Light breathed a sigh of relief when all L did was flinch in his sleep as the needle was inserted into his arm. Light slumped back, letting his head hang off the armrest for a few seconds. Exhaustion hit him like a tidal wave. He closed his eyes, tempted to fall asleep right there, holding L, but he wanted answers. 

"When did you find out about L's regression?" Light asked as he lifted his head. 

"I suspected that he was doing something when coloring books started disappearing from the playroom at the orphanage," Watari started, "he admitted to stealing them, and I bought him some of his own and did not think of it after," Light nodded in understanding. There was a time that Light did not think much about the childish things that L did too. 

"This is not the first case L has used security in," Watari continued, "the second or third case he used intense security in, I saw him during Little Time, I believe he calls it. I admit that I was concerned at first, but after reading about it, I learned that L's not hurting himself in any way. I do not care how L copes with life as long as he's not hurting himself," Watari shook his head at the end.

Light knew what Watari was talking about. He had seen the scars in groups of parallel lines on L's forearms and thighs. 

"Did you ever want to help?" Light asked out of pure curiosity. 

"Yes, I did," Watari said with a smile, "but it never seemed my place. So, I made sure he was safe, deleted footage so no one would find out, and did not say anything about it."

Light could also understand that. He doubted that if he saw L’s play on the cameras that he would have confronted L about it. That conversation would be too awkward, and he could almost guarantee that the conversation would not have gone down well. Light was just lucky enough that L regressed in front of him. 

After a moment of silence, Watari asked, “how long have you been awake, Light?” 

“Uhh,” Light responded, trying to count the hours in his head, but he was too exhausted to do the simple math, “I’ve been up since six yesterday morning, got an hour of sleep, but L had a nightmare.” 

“You have been up for almost 27 hours with one hour of sleep. Not to mention you and L left my office at two in the morning yesterday, and I highly doubt you went to bed before three. In other words, you have gone nearly 51 hours with four hours of sleep.” 

Light felt like his grandfather was scolding him, “L needed me,” Light said in defiance. 

“And I do understand that, but as I have been told in the past, in order to take care of others, you must also take care of yourself. Do not worry. I have L. You can go take a shower and get some rest.” 

Watari phrased it like a choice, but Light knew that it was not. If Light said ‘no,’ Watari would use ‘that voice’ as L called it, and force Light to. It was not that Light did not trust Watari, the man had known and taken care of L for over half his life, but Light did not want to leave L. What if something happened and Light was busy showering or sleeping? 

Recognizing the look on Light’s face and said, “I shall call you if anything were to happen to L.” 

“Okay,” Light agreed with a nod. He carefully got up from behind L and stood, going to his bathroom. 

“At least he is not as stubborn as you, My Boy,” Watari said with a smile, patting L’s head. 

…

After his shower, Light came back into the living room and crashed on the couch that L was not on. That was three hours ago. 

Watari was sitting on L’s couch, by L’s feet, reading a book. Currently, L’s fever was down to 101 and was, thankfully, staying there. He might do one more IV treatment in a few more hours, but then they should be able to keep L's fever down with pills. L had been sleeping peacefully for about two and a half hours until he started groaning and stretching. Watari put down his book and looked over at the baby, waiting for him to wake fully. 

L rolled over to his side, facing the television, and opened his eyes. “Wight?” L asked, looking around the room until his eyes settled on Watari. 

“Wawa?” L asked, confusion coloring his tone. The baby rubbed his eyes, blinking, then looking back at Watari, as if he thought that Watari would disappear. 

Watari smiled at the confused little boy and said, “Hello, Little One.” 

L cocked his head, brain running a mile a minute, trying to make sense of Watari's words, “Wawa know?” the baby concluded.

“Yes,” Watari nodded. 

L pulled himself up to the sitting position, “talk watew,” he told Watari, not having the capability of talking about this right now.

“Yes, I think that would be best,” Watari agreed. 

“Wight?” the baby asked again, looking around until he saw Light. The man was sprawled out on the other couch, snoring, and covered with Light’s blanket. 

“Wight ni-ni,” L observed, looking back at Watari. 

“Light was very tired,” Watari explained.

“Shh,” L hushed no one, in particular, putting a finger to his lips.

“Yes, we need to be quiet so that Light can sleep,” Watari agreed, smiling as the baby's cute antics. 

“You have been sleeping a while, L. Are you hungry or thirsty?” Watari asked when it was apparent that L would not fall back asleep for a while. Plus, L was getting that look in his eyes that told Watari that he needed to be occupied or else he would get bored and do things he was not supposed to do. He had seen that look in L’s eyes so many times when he was younger. 

“I fiw'ty,” L complained, “I gets apa juice, pwea?” 

“Yes, you can, Little One,” Watari responded, “sippy cup or bottle?”

“Sippy, pwea.” 

“Good manners,” Watari praised even though L normally used his manners with him (from it being drilled into him when he first came to Wammy’s House.)

L giggled, when Watari ruffled his hair as he passed on his way to the kitchen. 

“What do you want to eat with your apple juice?” Watari said knowing (and seeing) how stubborn L could be about eating while sick. 

“No hun'gy,” L said, with a pout. He was not hungry. Why couldn’t anyone understand that?

“I did not ask if you were hungry, L,” Watari scolded, “I asked what you want to eat.”

L whined and pouted harder, not answering. 

Watari sighed, looking back at L, “I understand that you are sick and do not feel like eating, but you need to in order to feel better.” 

“I know, Wawa,” L said, and he did, but he did not want to. 

“Do you want soup or rice?” Watari asked.

“Wice,” L responded reluctantly.

“Good choice.”

“Fank ‘oo, Wawa,” L’s eyes brightened when he saw the apple justice in Watari’s hand, ignoring the bowl of rice for now. 

“You are welcome, Little One,” Watari smiled. 

“Mowe,” the baby asked when he was done with his apple juice, handing Watari his sippy cup.

“Eat some rice first,” Watari prompted. 

L nodded, not happy about the trade, but he wanted more juice, and he knew Watari would not give him anymore until he ate. 

“Mowe,” L said once he was done with his rice, pointing at his sippy cup, “pwea’.”

With L’s end of the deal settled, Watari got back up and got the baby more juice. 

“Watch a movie?” L asked once he was half done with his second juice. Looking at Light, L modified his statement, “a quiet movie.”

“Which movie do you want to watch?” Watari questioned, walking over to where he knew L kept his childish movies. 

“Awaddin, pwea’,” L answered after he thought about it for a second. 

Watari nodded, setting up the movie for L to watch. He sat back down next to L. 

L looked over at Watari for a second before looking back at his movie. He wanted a snuggle. While he felt better than he did now that his fever was down, L still felt yucky and sick and wanted someone to hold him. But he did not do that with Watari, not randomly like with Light. Sure, Watari held him when he was a child and hugged him when something bad happened. The last time Watari hugged L was when the reality of what happened to A and BB settled in, and he could not help but cry. But not like this, when he was sick, he helped L take medicine and made sure he ate and drank enough. That was it. Yes, L was thankful for that and what Watari was doing now, but he wanted more. The baby was scared that Watari would say no. He knew that if Watari said no, there was no way that L would be able to hold back the tears and possible sobs. Then he would wake Light up and be in trouble because Watari said they needed to be quiet and Light does not like being woken up.

No, he was not going to ask Watari. He could wait until Light woke up to get his snuggles. Now, he could watch the movie. 

Unfortunately, or perhaps, fortunately, for L Watari knew what the look on L's face meant. He was thinking about asking for something, but the way he pressed his lips together meant that he was too scared to ask. It was not a face he wore often, but when he first came to Wammy's, it was an almost permanent expression on his face. 

What could he be thinking about, Watari thought to himself, well only one way to find out. 

"What is it, Little One?" Watari asked.

"Nofen," L lied.

"Don't lie to me," Watari demanded with a gentle tone, causing L to bite his lip, "tell me the truth."

L rubbed his hands together in an effort to self soothe without his thumb or pack, "I-I wants a snuggle," L amitted with a voice barely above a whisper. 

Watari smiled; he understood L's hesitance in asking. He had not snuggled L since he was a small child, and even then, he did not snuggle for long. He was too afraid of grown-ups at the time, scared that any friendly touch could turn into a hit. Watari supposed that L was still scared of that. 

"Come here, Little One," Watari said, patting his lap, "there is no reason to be scared."

L hesitated a second more before crawling over to Watari and resting his head on Watari's lap. The baby knew that he had to be more gentle with Watari than Light. Watari put his arm over L and squeezed firmly, causing L to melt at the deep pressure. 

"There we are, Little One."

"Woves Wawa," L announced, snuggling deeper, his thumb coming to his mouth. 

"I love you too."

The rest of the movie was spent with L saying "wook Wawa," when something interesting happened. Watari responded with "I see, Little One" or "that genie is just silly, isn't he?" 

…

An hour later, Light woke up and stretched. He looked around the living room, trying to get his bearings back when he saw the cutest sight. Watari and L were on the other couch, snuggling, fast asleep. 

"Aww," Light cooed out loud, walking over to the pair. He decided to let them sleep; L needed as much sleep as he could get, and he was not going to wake Watari when there was no sense in it. 

Light simply took L's blankie and covered the baby with it. He bent over and kissed the baby's forehead. 

"Sweets dreams, Baby Boy."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter IDK, what will happen.
> 
> Also, I had a dream last night where Matsuda was Kira and acted stupid to draw suspension away from him. He slowly started going insane, and that was when L catch him. Very interesting dream and all I could do when I woke up was think what the hell.


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> One more chapter of Little L

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahhh, my first born, how I have neglected you so. JK but I do need to work on this one a little more.

"Wight wake," L said joyfully when he saw that Light was awake when he woke up.

"That I am, Baby," Light said with a smile as the baby attacked him with snuggles. He wrapped his arms around the baby.

"Whewe Wawa?" L asked without a pout, thinking that Watari left. 

"He is in the kitchen, Baby," Light said, pointing toward the kitchen, "he wanted to cook a nice lunch." 

"Hi, Wawa!" L waved to the man when he saw him. 

"Hello, Little One," Watari called back, turning back to the stove. 

"What Wawa cookin'?" the baby asked, resting his head on Light's shoulder.

"He won't tell me," Light said, "he says it's a secret. 

"Secwet'," L repeated with a smirk, trying to pull out of Light's arms to see what his handler was cooking. 

"Don't harass Watari," Light scolded, holding onto the baby tighter.

"Wants ta see," the baby pouted.

Light resisted the urge to roll his eyes. At least L was feeling better, even if that did mean arguing. 

"It's a secret for a reason," Light told L. Watari said that he was making L's favorite meal that did not involve too much sweets. Light was not aware that there was such a thing for L and was also curious to see. 

"No faiw," L said, looking up at Light. 

Light had to laugh at L's pout. It was too cute, and he looked like an angry kitten. Which, now that Light thought about it, was a good animal comparison to L in general. He prefers to be alone, only wants snuggles on his terms, practically nocturnal, eats all the time. Yeah, the kitten comparison was accurate. He has even hidden under the bed before, and no, not just after his tantrum. Apparently, being under the bed helps him think at night. Light thinks it's a place where L feels safe, no matter how odd that statement is. 

L pouted harder at Light's laughter, "no funny, Wight," L said, crossing his arms. 

"Aww, I'm not laughing at you, Baby," Light said with a smile, pulling the baby to his chest. He did not want L to get upset because he thought Light was making fun of him. 

"You're just too cute, and I can't handle it sometimes," Light kissed the top of L's head, hoping he avoided hurting L's feelings. He looked over at Watari, whose eyes told him 'nice save.' 

L, for his part, huffed into Light's shoulder but snuggled into the man. He accepted Light's explanation. 

"So, how are you feeling, Baby Boy?" Light said, hoping to change the subject from Watari's cooking and Light's laughter. 

"Wots bettw. Wawa gives med'cine in awm," L explained, pulling away for Light so that he could pull up his shirt sleeve to show Light the band-aide on the crook of his elbow. "Huwted wittw bit," L pouted. 

"Oh, it's okay," Light declared with an exaggerated wave of his hand, "you're tough, ain'tcha?"

L giggled and nodded, "I's tough boy," L proclaimed with a big smile, a sparkle of pure happiness in his eyes. 

Light felt his throat close at the happiness L was displaying. L looked so beautiful when he was happy, and Light wished that he could see it more often when L was big. 

"Not too tough for hugs, are you?" Light asked in a teasing tone. 

L shook his head and accepted Light's hug, unaware that Light was using the hug to hide his tears and blink them away. 

Watari watched the interaction between his charge and Light and smiled sadly. Like L, he knew that this Light Yagami was not Kira, and his behavior these past few days only confirmed it in Watari's mind. 

Light had the potential to be so good for L. His first friend, his caretaker, and possibly more. He was old, but not stupid; he had seen the looks exchanged between the two, and the touching was more than just simple friendship. Light could teach L things that he had never been open to -how to interact with other humans, for example. 

Light also had the potential to destroy L. If he turned back into Kira, there was not a doubt in Watari's mind that Light would be out to kill L. That made Watari's heart clench painfully, and, in a way, he hoped that if Kira did kill L, he would kill him alongside L. A parent should never outlive his child. 

So, as they left the room so Light could change L, Watari prayed that Light would not turn back into Kira. For L's sake, he wished that Light would remain good. 

…

"You wanna get out a toy?" Light asked once he was done changing the baby's clothes and diaper. Now he wore a shirt with a puppy on the front. It did not have sayings like so many of his other shirts, but L loved the 'cute puppy.' On the bottom, he wore plain black sweets to cover his diaper. "No want Wawa a see," L had told him with a blush on his cheeks. Light, remembering when the baby was embarrassed to admit that he wore diapers, did not say anything about it though he knew Watari would not have a problem with the diapers. 

"Yeah," L smiled, "we does puzzle agethw?" the baby asked, already bragging out his puzzle box. 

"Sure, Baby,' Light nodded, kneeling next to L so he could see into the box too. It was obvious that little L was just as intelligent as he was in big space, and if he was anything like Light as a child, he could solve a 1,000 piece puzzle in less than an hour by himself. So, they picked out four puzzles between the two of them that would hopefully keep L entertained until Watari was done with lunch.

"Space one, fiwst, pwea'," L asked. 

"Yeah, we can do the space one first," Light said with a nod. 

"Music?" L asked.

Light pulled his phone to see if he could find any child-appropriate songs. He landed on Disney songs, then asked, "English or Japanese, Baby?" knowing that L listened to music in various languages. 

"Eng' ish," L answered, having already dumped the puzzle pieces on the coffee table and started. 

Light found a playlist of English Disney songs and put his phone down to join the baby in solving the puzzle. 

"We did it!" L exclaimed thirty minutes later when they finished the puzzle. He clapped happily," 'nothw one, Wight!"

"Of course, Baby Boy," Light smiled, choosing a slightly harder looking one with three kittens. 

L and Light sat side by side, Light wrapped his free arm around the baby's shoulders. As they solved their second puzzle, L began singing past his thumb. Light had heard L sing a few times, mainly when he was not thinking of it. He had a surprisingly amazing voice, even when it was rough by sickness. 

"You have a very pretty voice, L," Light said as he finished one of the kitten's ears. 

"Fank' oo," the baby thanked, a slight blush burning his cheeks. 

Light could not help but smile.

About ten minutes later, Watari announced that he was finished with lunch. 

"What is it, Wawa?" L asked, rushing into the kitchen, curious what Watari made because of the big secret. Plus, he was hungry for the first time in days. When he did see what was in the bowls, he shot Watari a megawatt smile and engulfed the man in a hug, "fank 'oo, Wawa."

Light smiled, and the baby's reaction, "what did Watari cook, Baby?" 

"Honey ch'chen," L said, sitting down by a bowl he claimed as his own and dug in. 

"Honey Garlic Chicken Stir Fry," Watari clarified.

"Wow, slow down, Sweetheart," Light said, as rice began to fly, "you're making a mess." 

L swallowed the food in his mouth and looked around him. He did make a mess, "I sowwy," Light sat next to the baby as L handed him his spoon, "Wight do it?" 

"Sure, Buddy," Light nodded, spooning up rice and veggies and helping L eat. 

…

"Wawa go?" L asked with a pout, tears burning the back of his eyes. He did not want Watari to go bye-bye. 

"Unfortunately, I must go, Little One," Watari said, accepting the hug from his charge. Watari needed to get some work done today, though he wished he could spend more time with his little charge. 

"Comes back?" L asked, a tear already escaping his eye. 

"Perhaps another day," Watari promised, wiping L's tears away, "so no tears."

L sniffled and rubbed his eyes, "tay, Wawa. Bye-bye," he waved as Watari left. 

"Wight," L whined, close to tears enough he promised Watari he would not cry. He could not help it. He was sad now. 

"Come here, Baby Boy," Light, who had been standing to the side to allow L and Watari to say goodbye, opened his arms. L rushed into Light's arms and hugged the man tightly. Sniffling and trying not to cry.

"Don't cry, Baby Boy," Light told him, as he felt a few tears hit his neck, "Watari said he would be back." 

"'Nothw day," L finished the sentence, relaxing into Light when the man ran his fingers through his hair. 

"Yeah," Light agreed, picking the baby up and retrieving a pacifier. L's noise was finally starting to clear so he could have his pacifier. 

The baby took his pacifier and suckled gratefully. L buried his face in Light's shoulder and took a deep breath so that he could calm down. 

"There you go, Sweetheart," Light praised as L began to calm down. 

"What do you wanna do?" Light asked, searching for something to take L's mind off of Watari leaving. 

"Wants cookie," L said with his big puppy dog eyes. 

Light knew that a cookie was probably not the best thing for L when he was recovering from an illness, but L was giving him those eyes that Light could never resist. One could not hurt that much. Could it? 

"Sure, Baby," Light said, cracking under the puppy dog eyes. 

"Fank 'oo, Wight," L thanked with a smile.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter, L will be big and it will be all aboard the angst train (choo choo)


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> L and Light talk a couple of times. The second talk does not go well.

Daja Vu was the first thing that Light thought when he woke up. L had wanted to go "ni-ni in bed" the previous night, and Light was not going to argue with him. His back was starting to hurt from sleeping on the couch. Now, he was awake in an empty bed, and L's pacifier on the pillow.

"L?" Light called out in a way, hoping that L was back to his usual self. He loved taking care of the baby, don't get him wrong, but he wanted to talk to L. Somehow, convince L that he was sincere in his actions and that he just wanted to help him. Perhaps he could persuade L to trust him again.

He then realized that the shower was on. Okay, L was definitely big. He would never take a shower while little, and Light did not think he would leave the comfort of the bed without Light if he were still little. 

Hopefully, this talk goes better than the last; Light thought to himself as he waited for the older man to get done in the shower. 

L's stomach was in knots. He remembered almost everything that happened while he was sick and regressed. The events surrounding when he had a high fever was mostly a blur; he just remembered being held and carried a lot. He was held and carried by Light. Who, may he remind himself, is a mass murderer. Well, he was a mass murderer and could turn back into said mass murderer at any point if he did not figure out how he killed. 

L took a deep breath, trying to calm his racing thoughts. It was not like it was his fault. He was sick, and his emotions were all over the place when he first regressed, and he could not come out of little space even if he wanted to. Light then stepped into the caregiver role to help him. At least, that is what L hoped. 

"Woves' oo, Wight," L had said the previous night, half-asleep and snuggling with Light in the bed. 

"Love you too, Sweetie," Light had said, kissing L's forehead and holding him tighter. 

Now, L flushed bright red. He told Light that he loved him. Which, he had to admit, was true, at least for his little side. And maybe his adult side, in a way. 

L let out a sigh and took a few deep breaths to calm himself down. What was even weirder was that Light said it back. It could have been a way to trick him and make him feel more at ease around Light. No, L thought, if this was all a trick and an elaborate scheme, then Light deserved a metal. Light was an excellent liar; at least he was as Kira. L did not think he ever heard Light Yagami tell a lie. Light also said that he enjoyed taking care of him and, when L was feeling a bit better, Light seemed to genuinely enjoy himself. No one, no matter how good of an actor or lair, could fake all of that. 

So, Light was being genuine, and that was both a relief and a concern. A relief because he was not getting manipulated by a psychopath and had a chance to have a caretaker (something he did not even realize he wanted until Light). It was concerning because L was now so much closer to Light, especially his little side. L was not sure if he could prosecute Light if he turned back into being Kira. Plus, if Light did regain Kira's powers, then Kira would not hesitate to use his little side against him in some way. As much as L hated to admit, he was scared. He did not want Light to turn back into Kira, but there was no stopping that unless he knew how Kira's powers transferred. It would also be so much easier to prevent Light from becoming Kira if Light would admit that he was once Kira. That would never happen, L knew. Light got so angry and defensive when that topic of him being Kira got brought up. Not that L could blame him, but still, if Light could accept that he was once Kira, it would make it so much easier to prevent him from getting back under Kira's hold. 

How could L convince Light that he was once Kira? L had no idea. Light was one hundred percent sure of his innocence, and L has no evidence of the contrary. It was nearly impossible to convince someone that they did such horrendous things that they have no memories of unless L wanted to put Light in danger of regaining Kira's powers, which he did not. L wanted to protect Light from that and not only because he was trying to save the friendship that they had. Light has such a bright future ahead of him that would be wasted if Kira took control of Light once again. 

Everything would be wasted. 

And thinking of what could become a reality terrified L because he did not want another one of his friends to become a murderer. He wanted a friend. 

…

"Hey, L," Light said when L shuffled out of the bathroom. He was wearing his regular white shirt and jeans; his hunch was back. He had the chain in his hands.

"Hello, Light," L said, rubbing his foot on his pant leg awkwardly. 

"So," Light said, rubbing the back of his head, "do to want to talk about… what happened."

"I suppose we should," L said.

'He does not seem angry like last time,' Light thought, 'which is good, but he looks upset.' Light did not want L to be upset with regressing in front of him and Light taking care of him. Light enjoyed it and knew L did too. 

L walked over and sat on the bed as far away from Light as possible. 

They did end up actually talking about what happened and what they would do for now. They agreed that, as much as they did not want to, they would wait until the end of the Kira Case to have any more little time together. That way, it did not interfere with the case. 

"But, L, please promise me that you will regress if you need to," Light asked, placing a hand on L's shoulder. 

L nodded, "I promise Light that I will be little when I need to," though he knew his little side would get terribly sad and upset without Light. 

"We should get back to work, Light," L said, putting the cuff on his wrist. 

…

The rest of the day had gone smoothly enough. Wedy had been able to put surveillance in the Yotsuba head office and get evidence against Yotsuda though L did not want to go after them yet. They did not know which one was Kira, and if they jumped the gun, then they might never figure out how Kira kills or which one of them was Kira. 

It was now the end of the day, and Light and L were sitting at the computers after the rest of the Task Force retired for the night. 

"It feels like we are finally making progress in this case," Light said with a smile on his face, hoping this would all end soon.

L looked over toward Light, hoping that this was not one of the last times that he would see Light's innocent smile. 

"Aren't you glad I didn't let you mope around, L," Light said with a teasing edge to his voice. 

"Yes," L simply said with a small nod. He then looked back at his computer. There was no doubt in his mind that Kira's power would return to Light soon, and that Light set that trap for himself. L sighed. He had no idea how to protect Light from himself. 

"You don't seem too happy," Light responded. L seemed down all day, and Light had no idea why. Was it because of everything that happened when he was sick and regressed? They talked about that, and L seemed fine about it when the conversation was done. Was he not happy with what they decided to do? Light did not think so. L seemed fine with it when they came up with the compromise. Then, Light remembered that L was upset from the time he came out of the shower before the conversation even happened. 

What was he so sad about?

"It is about time to retire for the night," L said, ignoring Light's statement. How could he be happy when he knew the closer they got to Yotsuba, the closer he came to losing Light?

"That doesn't sound like you, L," Light said, concern in his voice, "are you sure you're feeling better?" because if L was not better and was pretending not to be sick, then he was in so much trouble. 

L stood on his chair and hopped down, jerking the chain slightly, "I really wish you'd warn me before you do that," Light grumbled, watching as L began to walk away with his hand stuffed in his pockets. 

Light stood and followed L. 

"I assure Light that I am fine," L said.

"Yeah, okay, but you seem upset," Light said, deciding to bring up his concern. 

Light knew that L was upset when he did not answer him and kept walking.

"Hey, L, what's wrong?" Light asked. 

L did not answer.

Light tried not to get angry with L not answering him, but he did tug on the chain to make L stop and said, "c'mon, L, after everything we just went through, you should know that you can talk to me."

"Oh," L said, "I am sorry, Light, I was lost in thought."

"What are you thinking about?" Light asked as they climbed the stairs. 

"Nothing," L lied. 

"C'mon, L," Light said, placing a hand on L's shoulder, "I hate seeing you this upset, please tell me what's wrong." 

"I don't want to lose you," L said, deciding to tell the trust, voice barely above a whisper. 

"L," Light's voice softened, "how many times do I need to tell you. I'm not going anywhere. Believe it or not, I enjoy spending time with you. Hell, we have talked about me traveling the world with you and solving cases. I promise, L, I'm not leaving."

"Thank you are the assurances, Light," L said as they reached their floor, "but I cannot believe that." 

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" Light said, offense in his tone, "are you accusing me of being Kira again? I thought we were past that!" 

L opened the door to their apartment, still not looking at Light, "we cannot get past that," L said, "because it is the truth."

"L!" Light shouted, stopping L once again with the chain, turning L by the shoulders to face him, "I don't know how many times I have to say this, but I'm not Kira!" 

"I wish that you were not Kira, Light. I also enjoy spending time with Light. I like working with Light. I want to trust that Light will not leave, but I cannot fight this alone. Light needs to accept that you were once Kira. If Light does not accept this, then we will not be able to put an end to this."

There was a moment of silence, Light trying to process what L was saying. 

"I-I'm sorry, L," Light said, "but I cannot admit to crimes that I did not commit. There is nothing to accept. If I was Kira, I don't want to be him again, that's all that needs to be said. And- no, no I can't be Kira, and I don't want to believe that I could. I won't ever admit to being Kira, because it's not true." 

"I see, Light," L said, hanging his head, "then there is nothing left to say." 

He walked away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IDK what will happen new chapter. In a way I want to skip to them capturing Higuchi, but IDK. We'll see. 
> 
> My friend said she did not like that I took away cute baby L, but I promise, cute baby L will come back.


	19. Chapter 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> L gets proof that Light was Kira.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was supposed to be longer, but the first part of this chapter was boring to me so I did not add it. This does skip to Higuchi's arrest.
> 
> I hope the Light does not seem too OOC.

"L-Light?" L stammered when he realied that Light took the Death Note from his fingertips. He turned his head to Light with wide, horrified eyes. If he was Kira-

Light then let out an ear-piercing scream. L lifted his hands to cover his ears against the sound. After a second of that gut-wrenching noise, Light slumped forward and, for a terrifying second, did not move.

"Light, are you okay?" L asked, reaching over, although he did not know if his hand's destination would be on Light's shoulder or the Death Note. 

"Yeah, I'm fine," Light said, pushing L's hand away, something that Light never did. 

Light looked over at L, and that is when L saw it. If the scream was not evidence enough, the look in his eyes was. That look was pure evil, murderous. It sent a shiver down L's spine. He knew. Light was Kira again. 

"Give me the notebook, Light," L demanded. He did not want that book in Light's hands, though he was Kira, and L might not be able to save him, L did not want Light touching the notebook. He did not want Light to have the opportunity to kill. 

"I'm gonna look at these names, see if they match up with people who died," Light said, avoiding L's demand, looking between the notebook and his laptop. 

"Light, give me the book," L said, firmer this time. He was not going to take no for an answer. He was going to get the notebook for Light. 

Light looked over at L for a second, face pinched in annoyance, "calm down, Ryuzaki. I'm just checking names."

That's not how Light should respond. Light should have picked up on the stress in L's tone. He should be concerned, asking what was wrong. Instead, he looked annoyed and angry at him. His little side felt hurt by Light's actions, but he had to remind himself that this was not Light, this was Kira. 

"Light, give me the book," L demanded for the third time, this time deciding that if Light was not going to get him the book back willing, he was going to take it. L reached over to grab at the notebook, but Light slapped his hand away. Like a parent would do to a child, but this was much harsher and stung badly. The look that Light sent him made him freeze for a second before he told himself, no. He was not going to make the same mistake twice in a row.  
L tackled Light, pushing them both out of the helicopter. L heard something hit the ground behind him, possibly the laptop, but he did not care. L landed on top of Light. Light was on the move in an instant. He elbowed L in the ribs, but L did not feel anything because of adrenaline and high pain tolerance. 

"What the Hell you are doing, Ryuzaki?" Light shouted, keeping his grip on the Death Note. He could not let the little freak take it away from him. Higuchi has not died yet. If L got the Death Note out of his grasp, he would lose his memories all over again. 

"I'm trying to save you," L said as he managed to get Light pinned on his back.

"You've gone crazy!" Light shouted, knowing that it would hurt L, but L did not have a reaction to his words. Instead, he grabbed the Death Note with both of his hands and pulled. Unfortunately, Light's grip was ironclad even with all his squirming and trying to kick L. He was not letting go of the Death Note under any circumstances. 

L knew that he would not win this terrifying game of tug of war if he played nice. So, he let go of the notebook with one hand and balled it up in a fist. He wanted until Light was about to shout something (probably for "help") and punched him hard right where his diaphragm was. It was nowhere near hard enough to leave any lasting damage. He did not want to hurt Light. The punch had just enough force behind it to make Light's diaphragm spasm and tighten up, making it useless for a few minutes. Scary for Light, L was sure, but in the seconds that Light's body and mind were more focused on getting air into his lungs, Light was not focused on the Death Note. Light's grip on the notebook loosened just enough for L to pull the notebook out of Light's hands. 

L stood up with the Death Note in his hands, and he turned to Watari, who was a few feet away from L and Light, watching the fight. 

"Take this Watari, and please, lock it up somewhere safe. I don't even want to know where it is," L said, handing the notebook to his handler. 

"And you, this," Watari said, handing L a small slip of paper. L took the paper and looked at it. It had the first three letters of Higuchi's name written down in blood. Light's blood, L could only assume. 

L turned back to Light, who was still struggling to breathe, and helped him sit up, "sit up, Light and breath slowly through your mouth. It'll help you get your breath back," L explained. 

Light nodded, his hand coming up to clinch at L's shoulder. That was Light, L thought. 

"Wh-what happened. Why are we on the ground?" Light asked, looking at L with wide, confused eyes. Light's eyes held a sparkle of innocence. They were no longer dark and murderous. He was back to his normal self. L breathed a sigh of relief but looked down at the piece of paper in his hand. 

"What's that?" Light asked in a confused tone, wondering what was going on. One second he was sitting in the helicopter with L watching as Higuchi was arrested. The next, he was on the ground, struggling to breathe. 

"Proof that you were Kira," L said, but he did not sound cocky as Light would have expected. He sounded so damned sad.

"What the hell are you talking about?" Light asked, fear coating his tone. L was not simply insisting that he was Kira, but saying he had proof. Of course, Light did not think that he was Kira, but if L had "proof," he could use that to convict him. 

"Let me see your hands," L ordered, needing to see if Light was bleeding. If he pricked himself, then he would probably still be bleeding because of all the physical activity he just went through. 

Light hesitated a second before lifting his hands for L to see and looked at his right index finger, which was bleeding. That happened there? 

L noticed the bleeding finger right away as well, then showed Light the bloody writing on the paper, "if we ran this, I can guarantee that it is your blood on this paper."

Light looked between his finger and the paper, shock in his eyes, "L, I don't remember…"

"Hey, what's going on over here?" they heard Soichiro shout. 

"I need this run for DNA," L said, standing and holding the slip of paper up.

"Against what?" Soichiro asked, opening an evidence bag and holding it open for L to place the paper in it. 

"Light," L responded. He sounded slightly regretful. 

Soichiro and Aizawa made a shocked noise. "What do you mean?" 

"That paper has the first three letters of Higuchi's name written in blood, and Light's finger is bleeding," L pointed at Light, who still had not moved, "I believe he was trying to kill Higuchi somehow with a piece of the notebook."

"Light?" Soichiro looked down at his son, not wanting to believe a word of what L was saying, but Light's finger was bleeding. 

"Dad, I don't- I don't know," Light said because he did not. He did not know why his finger was bleeding. He did not know where that piece of paper came from. Hell, he did not know why or how he was out of the helicopter. That all was horrifying.

"Are we going to arrest him?" Aizawa asked.

L looked over to his left. If it were anyone else, if this was any other case, L would have said yes. This was not anyone else; however, this was Light, and L could not allow Light to get arrested without knowing how he was switching from being Kira to being Light. He had to know what was going on so that he could prevent Kira from ever controlling Light again. Until that happened, Light was going to remain with L. 

"No, not yet," L said, "I do want to talk with the Shinigami. Perhaps it had answers." 

Soichiro and Aizawa nodded, and although they did not want to, they walked off to complete their work. 

L turned back to Light, "Come, Light," L said, "let's get you cleaned up."

Light stood, feeling numb.

"L," Light said, following him back to the helicopter. L pulled out the first aid kit and turned back to Light, making a noise of inquiry. 

"I don't know what's going on," Light muttered, holding out his hand.

L looked up at Light. The younger man looked like he was about to cry, and L took pity on him. After he applied a band aid, L wrapped his arms around Light in a hug. Light returned the hug, holding onto L tightly. 

"We will figure it out, Light. I promise."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My friend and I had a two hour rant session on why L did not do something like this in cannon. Like, seriously, L knew that Light was Kira again after he took the Death Note away from him, and all L did was look like a scared panda bear for a couple of seconds. That's it! Why, L? Why? 
> 
> Next chapter, L will talk to Rem and Light is scared AF at the realization that he was once Kira.


	20. Chapter 20

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I plan on learning how to prevent Kira from taking control of Light again. We are dealing with supernatural forces, Mr. Yagami. If I can confidently believe that Kira will not control Light ever again, and therefore, Light will never kill again, I could not in good conscience recommend that Light be punished," L explained.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy the sadness.

L had insisted upon keeping them chained together, not that Light could blame him. He apparently turned into Kira as soon as he touched the Death Note. He has no idea what happened, and that was the most terrifying part. It was like his whole world came crashing down around him as soon as he realized that his finger was bleeding. His sense of self was all over the place. After months of declaring with confidence that he was not Kira and getting angry at L for insisting that he was, they had evidence that he was Kira. There was not any other explanation. If he was not Kira, there would not be a bloody piece of the Death Note, and his finger would not have been bleeding. His watch would not have been open.

Light felt the sickly feeling of panic rising in his chest, squeezing his lungs until he could barely breathe. The same questions thoughts were going through his mind at the speed of sound. What was L going to do with him? Was he going to have him executed? Would his relationship with L save him? He did not want to die. He did not want to be Kira ever again. Could he convince L of that? They could burn the Death Note so that Light could never touch it again. What if it was not just touching the notebook that could bring Kira back? What if he could take him over again at any time? If L decided to let him go, could he turn back when he least expected it? He could hurt L if that were the case. He did not want to hurt L. He loved L. He could not look at anyone in the Task Force. He did not want to see their faces. What would they look like? Would they be angry, disgusted? Would they have that pitying face? Light was not sure which would be worse. He could imagine his father's disappointed look. He would not blame his father. After all, Light, his perfect son, was Kira.

Oh, God, he was Kira.

He knew that not everything had hit him, yet what it meant that he was Kira.

He felt both numb and anxious when they entered the task force building. He looked down at the ground with his shoulders slumped. He had the fleeting thought that he must look like L and nothing like his usual self. How could he look like his normal self? He did not know how he could. He did not have the energy nor care to put up the mask of calm perfection. All he could do was follow L as he led him by the chain to their chairs.

"Sit down, please, Light," L said, and Light sat down unthinkingly.

"He is in shock," L said when he saw the look of alarm on the other's faces. Light was not the type of man to unthinkingly follow an order. He was too stubborn for that. Now, it was like Light was a walking corpse.

'He is in emotional shock,' L thought to himself, 'he does not know how to react or process all the new information, so he froze until he could. Once he comes out of this frozen state, I can expect Light to be emotional. He might be angry or may cry or even want to run away. Patience would be key for the next few days. Unfortunately, I cannot comfort him yet. I must get information from the Shinigami. I need to find out how the Death Note works and how to make sure that Light will not become Kira again, or at least how to prevent it.'

"Should we get him a blanket?" Matsuda asked.

"Light is in more of an emotional shock, but yes, that should be helpful," L said, "he has a blanket in our room that he prefers. It is red."

"I'll get it," Matsuda offered.

"Thank you, Matsuda," L said, handing him the key to his and Light's room.

Matsuda left on his mission to get Light his blanket.

"Ryuzaki," Soichiro called the detective.

"Yes, Mr. Yagami? What is it?" L asked, having a suspension as to what Soichiro was about to ask.

"What are you planning on doing with my son?" Soichiro asked, looking over at Light, who was still sitting on his chair, who still had not made any attempt to re-enter reality.

"I plan on learning how to prevent Kira from taking control of Light again. We are dealing with supernatural forces, Mr. Yagami. If I can confidently believe that Kira will not control Light ever again, and therefore, Light will never kill again, I could not in good conscience recommend that Light be punished," L explained.

"How are you planning on getting that information?" Aizawa asked as Matsuda entered the room with Light's blanket.

"Thank you, Matsuda," L said, taking the blanket from Matsuda's hands and placing it over Light's shoulders. Light lifted a hand to clinch the blanket but then froze once more.

"To answer your question, Aizawa, I will talk to the Shinigami. It must have the answers that we need. Watari should already have it and the Death Note in his office.'

"How are you going to get it to talk?"

"I will think of that when I get to it," L said, rubbing his feet together. A telltale sign that he was nervous.

…

"Hello, Shinigami," L said politely, pushing over a cup of tea. He was not sure if Shinigami could eat or drink, but Watari always said it was polite, and he was trying to get on the Shinigami's good side.

"Hello, Elliot Lawliet," the Shinigami said calmly.

If L were not a master of controlling his reactions, he would have startled at the use of his real name.

"Nobody has called me that in many years," L said, and he would have preferred if the Shinigami did not.

'Play nice, L,' he reminded himself, 'this is for Light.'

"I prefer L," L took a sip of his tea, "do you have a preferred name?" L asked, forcing his speech patterns to be more normal.

"Rem."

“I will get straight to the point, Rem. I need information on the Death Note,” L said.

“I will tell you what you need to know under one condition,” Rem said, getting uncomfortably close to L.

L met her eyes, “and what would that be?”

“You will protect Misa Amane,” Rem said. She knew that Light would not be of any use of that front for her anymore. She would not mind using this human. She had seen his interactions with Light Yagami the past few months. While she could not claim to understand what was going on when the human in front of her acted like a child, she knew that the way L felt toward Light was much like how she felt toward Misa. L wanted information about the Death Note to protect Light, and she wanted to be sure that Misa would not die until her predetermined death day. This could be mutually beneficial.

L nibbled on his thumb nail, “and what do you mean?”

“I do not want Misa to suffer or die because of all this,” Rem said, “if you agree to protect her, I will give you all the information you want on the Death Note.”

“Just like with Light, if she does become the second Kira again, I cannot in good conscience recommend that Misa Amane be executed,” L said, “so I can promise Misa Amane’s protection.”

“What questions do you have then, Lawliet,” Rem asked.

“First, I want to know how the Death Note works,” L said.

“There are rules in the front of the notebook that explains how it works,” Rem said.

L opened the notebook, and saw the rule related to how it works-

“The human whose name is written in this note shall die.

  
This note will not take effect unless the writer has the person's face in their mind when writing his/her name. Therefore, people sharing the same name will not be affected.

If the cause of death is written within 40 seconds of writing the person's name, it will happen.

If the cause of death is not specified, the person will simply die of a Heart attack.”

So, L was right about most things, although he never figured out the 40 seconds thing.

“There are rules on the back,” Rem said. L flipped to that back and saw the rules Rem was talking about.

“If the owner of a Death Note does not use the notebook after 13 days time, he or she will die.

If the Death Note is burned, torn up, or otherwise rendered useless, any people who have touched the Death Note will die.”

“Neither of these rules make sense,” L said. It would be impossible for Light to be Kira if the first rule was true as he was in confinement for fifty days and Light had been chained to L for months and in that time, he was not Kira. If the pages could not be torn out, Light and Misa would already be dead.

“They are fake,” L said.

“Yes,” Rem responded, “Light Yagami wrote them in to mislead you.”

They talked for a while longer, L asking questions and Rem answering honestly without hesitation. It was better to deal with the human’s questions than dealing with Light Yagami.

“I have one last question,” L said, “how do I make sure that Light never regains his memories,” and therefore would never become Kira again.

“The only way that Light Yagami will regain his memories is if he touches the Death Note that he once owned which is the one in front of you.”

L could not keep the smile from his face, “so if Light does not touch the notebook, he will not be Kira again.”

“Yes.”

“I think Rem for her time tonight,” L said as hopped up from his chair, “I have more questions, but I have the information I need for tonight.”

L walked out of the room to the main task force room. Matsuda, Mogi, Aizawa, and Soichiro were sitting in their usual spots, looking over papers although every few seconds someone would look over at Light.

Within his forty five minute conversation with Rem, Light still had not moved, so chaining Light to the desk seemed pointless. Not that Light would be chained for much long.

L walked over to Light, taking the key out of his pocket, “Light,” L crouched down in front of Light, looking into Light eyes a few seconds until the younger man forced on him, “Rem told me that the only way that Kira will control Light again is if Light touches the notebook.”

“I don’t wanna touch it,” Light said, looking into L’s eye, pleading with L to believe him, “I don’t- I don’t wanna be… _that_ again.”

“I know,” L said, “that is why the cuffs are coming off permanently.” L undid the cuff around Light’s wrist and laid it on top of the desk to put in storage later.

“Light is allowed to go anywhere he would like, but I would like it if he would stay with me tonight. We have much to discuss in the morning, but Light is not in a good emotional place to be left alone.”

Light nodded, he was not going to argue with L on any of that. He was not sure what he would do if left to his own devices, and if he was being honest with himself, he did not want to be alone. He wanted to stay with L.

“‘m very tired,” Light said, voice barely above a whisper.

“Let’s go then, Light,” L instructed, holding out his hand.

…

“We should probably change…” L hand his back turned to Light when he heard a choked sob. L turned to see that Light’s face was crumpled, his hand covered his mouth. His eyes were squeezed shut and tears were steadily making their way down his face Light’s entire body shook with the effort of holding back sods.

“Light,” L breathed, he had been expecting Light to have an emotional response to everything going on eventually, but did not know that it would be this heartbreaking.

After only a second of hesitation L walked over to Light to gather him in his arms. Light did not fight him, the opposite in fact. He nearly collapsed in L’s arms, his arms coming around to hold L back. His hands clenching L’s shirt.

“I’m sorry,” Light sodded into L’s shoulder, “I’m so sorry.”

“Shh, Light,” L whispered, remembering the amounts of times Light said similar things to him, “everything will be okay. I promise.”

L’s words did little to comfort Light as he continued to cry. L was not used at the whole comforting thing, and he knew that he was nowhere near as good as Light was in the reverse, but he knew he had to try. This was Light, L was not going to let him suffer alone. So, he stood there, holding Light as tightly as he could without hurting him, whispering all the sweet nothings that he could think of into his ear.

Eventually, Light’s sods turned into whimpers and whimpers into sniffles, and he ran out of tears to cry. Light shifted so that his head rested on the dry side of L’s shirt to be more comfortable.

L tried to pull away from Light slightly so that he could look at Light’s face, but he did not allow it, holding onto L tighter. “Please don’t leave me, L.”

“I’m not going anywhere. We are going to figure this all out together. We have come too far for me to abandon Light now,” L assured, “but that can all wait until the morning. I would recommend that we get in bed.”

“Okay,” Light nodded. He was so tired.

They climbed into bed. The instant that they laid down, Light snuggled up to L, holding onto the older man like his life depended on it. L did not complain, simply holding Light to his chest and burying his nose in Light’s hair.

L listened to Light’s breathing, it took much longer than normal, but eventually it did slow and the death grip on his shirt loosened although it did not go away. L looked down, he could see Light’s face due to the light of the city bleeding in through their windows. Dry tear stains smudged his cheeks and his nose was running, but it was relaxed due to sleep.

L knew that this would be a sleepless night for him, his mind running too fast with all the new information he received that day, but L did not dare move. He knew that Light needed him right now, Light needed to be held, Light needed to be protected.

L was more than happy to provide all that for him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I honestly nearly made myself cry writing this, and my friend could not stop saying "poor Light" while reading this.  
> Next chapter Light will have a nightmare.
> 
> Also, IDK why but This Is The Way It Ends Now from the musical was stuck in my head while writing this, and it kind of fits though it sounds like the saddest break up song ever.


	21. Chapter 21

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Light and L are up on the roof. It's raining. L hears the bells. Light hears the bells.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would recommend tissues.

The rain was wicked. That was the only way that Light knew how to describe it. There was no thunder or lightning, thankfully. L hated thunder and lighting. Light hated seeing L so scared. 

Where was L, anyway? He looked around the Task Force room and saw that it was empty; no L was there. 

'Go check the roof,' a voice in the back of his mind whispered. The roof, why should he check the roof? 

Suddenly, like someone transported him there, he was on the roof. He was under the stairs, so the rain was not getting him. 

L was standing out in the middle of the roof. The rain poured down on him as he looked up at the sky. He looked so… sad. Light hated that look on L. 

"L, what are you doing standing out there all by yourself!" Light shouted over the rain so that L would be able to hear him. If L made himself sick by standing in the rain, Light nor Watari would never let him off the hook. 

L turned his head toward him to look at Light. He put a hand to his ear if the universal 'can't hear you' signal. 

Light resisted the urge to roll his eyes. L had the ears of an elephant. There was no way that he did not hear Light. Still, Light repeated himself, this time louder, "what are you doing standing out there all by yourself!"

L smiled and leaned in closer. Little shit, wanted him out in the rain with him for whatever reason. Why did L want him out in the rain? Oh, well, might as well get this over with and get the man inside. Light stepped out into the rain, walking until he was across from L. 

"What are you doing, L?" Light asked once he was closer. 

L looked up to the sky again, "oh, nothing in particular. It's just… I hear the bells, Light." 

Light listened for a second. He could not hear any bells. 

"The bells?" Light echoed, confusion coloring his tone.

"Yes," L sounded exhausted and sad, "the sound of the bells has been unusually loud today," L looked at Light right in the eyes (something L never did), "doesn't Light hear it?" 

And, as if by magic, Light did hear a bell. It was as if Big Ben went off two inches away from him. It was deafening. For a second, Light could not even hear the rain. L remained there, as if he was not hypersensitive to loud noises, and stared at him. It was the look he wore when he expected an answer and was not getting one. 

"Yes," Light tried to say, "I hear the bells." 

But that is not what came out. 

"No, I don't hear the bells," Light heard himself say. He felt his lips turn upward into a smirk, "Do you?" 

The bells sounded again, impossibly louder. Light could not help it, his hands came to cover his ears, and his eyes screwed shut. The noise was unbearable. If this was what all loud noises sounded like to L, Light could not blame him for not liking it. 

Suddenly, everything was quiet again. Light slowly lowered his hands as if he were scared that the bells would sound again, and he opened his eyes. 

Light was now back inside, sitting down at the top of the stairs that led to the Task Force room with his soaked shoes next to him. It was like he was transported again. The logical side of his mind yelled at him that transportation did not exist, that something bad was happening. 

Light, however, did not get too much time to think on that when he heard, "I'm sorry," from above him. Light looked up at L. He had a towel on his head and was dripping from the rain. He was still in his adult headspace, as far as Light could tell. His voice, however, was so quiet and small that if it were not for the correctly pronounced 'R' sound, Light would have thought it came from little L. 

Before Light could ask what L was sorry about (though he assumed it was about standing out in the rain), L kneeled down next to his feet. 

"What are you doing?" Light asked as L took hold of his foot. If he was not so used to L's bizarre behaviors and touch, Light knew he would have pulled back. 

"I figured I'd help since Light was busy drying himself. I could throw in a message if he wants," L offered, not looking at Light. 

Light raised an eyebrow, "you do have to do that, L." 

"It's the least I can do to atone for my sins," L said casually as he started to rub his feet. 

Sins, what the hell was L talking about? Light was fully aware that L was far from a saint, but why did he feel the need to "atone for his sins" to Light. Did he think the Light was that angry or upset about the rain? No, this was deeper than that. If L wanted to apologize for the rain by giving him a foot massage, then that is what he would have said that. The use of the words "atone" and "sin" implied that L wanted to apologize for something much bigger than the rain. 

"I have no idea what you are talking about, Hon. What do you mean sin?" Light asked. 

L ignored his question and said, "It's okay. I'm actually pretty good at this.

"Okay. Do what you want," Light said. It was obvious that he would not get any answers out of L quite yet. A break in conversation might help. 

After a couple of seconds, Light felt a few drops of water hit his leg. It was not as cold as he was expecting them to be. They were warm. That was when Light noticed the slight tremble of L's chin. L was crying. 

"L," Light said softly, deciding to speak in the same tone he used on little L, as it would help comfort him, "why are you helping me when you're still soaking wet?" Light would not bring up the tears yet. He grabbed his towel and gently wiped L's hair, "here, let me help you," Light capped L's cheek in his free hand, "you're freezing, Baby," and L hated being cold. Once they were dried off, they would go up to their room and get changed, then Light would give L his blanket and Pomme and try to decipher why L was so upset. 

"I-I'm sorry," L apologized again. 

"You keep apologizing, but what for?" Light asked. When L did not answer, Light continued, "I'm not upset or angry that we got caught out in the rain, okay, but I also know that's not the real issue here, is it." 

L shook his head. Okay, at least that was something, "C'mon, L, talk to me. Tell me what's wrong." 

L did not say anything for a long moment, so long that Light thought he would not get an answer. Then he whispered, "I'm sad, Light." 

Light felt his heart break at the words. Of course, he knew L was sad. He was crying for heaven's sake. Still, hearing L admit it (when he so rarely talked about his emotions) was so concerning and upsetting at the same time.

"Why are you so sad?" Light asked, running a hand through L's mostly dry hair. L leaned into the touch.

"It'll be lonely, won't it?" L said, to anyone else, it would have sounded like L was trying to change the subject, but Light knew better. L had a hard time talking about these types of things and was trying to express himself the best he could. So, he was so sad about being lonely. Light needed a bit more information. 

"Lonely?" Light echoed. 

"We will be parting ways soon," L said as if it were fact, looking up at Light, "that'll be lonely." 

This was why L was upset? He was sad because he thought Light was going to leave him. They have had this conversation what felt like a thousand times, but Light was willing to have it as many times they needed to until L believed him. 

"I've said it before, and I'll say it again," Light said gently, pulling L into his arms. L collapsed into the hold, "I'm not going anywhere. I know you're scared of abandonment, but I promise I'm not going anywhere. I will stay as long as you want me. So, stop crying. You have nothing to be sad or scared about." 

They stayed like that for a long moment, but the stairs were not the best place to hold someone, and were starting to become uncomfortable. Just as Light was about to suggest that they go up to their room, a high pitch beep sounded. 

All Data Deletion. 

L was out of Light's arms in an instant and ran to his chair and sat down. Light followed him just as quick. 

"Watari?" L said, looking up at the screens, horror in his eyes. Light saw the moment L regressed, his face crumpled, and a small sob left his lips. If Light was not already in caregiver mode, he was now. 

"Wawa," L whimpered, and Light saw the tears that now freely streamed down his cheeks. 

"Hey, Baby," Light said in a calm voice, though he was terrified. He had no idea what was going on, but if L's reaction was anything to go by, he knew it was something horrendous. "Tell Light what's going on."

"Wight," L looked up at Light with huge, tear-filled eyes, "Wawa gone." 

Light wanted to ask what L mean. Gone? Did Watari leave, or was he…

"Owie," L whimpered, clenching his chest and curling up tighter. His pupils contracted into pinpoints so that Light could see more grey than ever. Light felt himself stop breathing as L fell from his chair. It was like slow motion until Light could get his body to listen to him, and he rushed to catch his baby. 

"Wight huwts," L whined, looking up at Light, "stay, pwea'." 

"I'm right here, Baby, I'm right here," Light said as felt L grab the back of his shoulder. It was tight. Light held L close to his chest, burying his hand in L's hair. This can't be happening. This can't be happening. No, he could not lose L. 

"No, no, L," Light felt tears burn the back of his eyes and did not attempt to stop them, "don't close your eyes, Sweet Boy. Please, please don't close your eyes."

Light's words had no effect on L. L's eyes closed slowly, his breath grew quiet and shallow, and the grip on his shoulder loosened.

L was dying. 

"C'mon, Baby, stay with me," Light begged, "this can't be happening. No, L, please open your eyes. Open your eyes for Light, Baby."

Tears streamed down Light's face and his chest burned in sadness. He could not hold back the sob if he wanted to. 

"Baby?" Light said. L was now limp in his arms. His head fell, revealing a peaceful face. It looked like L was sleeping, and if Light wanted to, he could convince himself that L was sleeping. But he was not breathing, and there was no heartbeat. There was no denying it. L was dead. Kira killed him. 

"No," Light cried, bringing L close to his chest, "L. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I always thought that you would be okay. I should have protected you. I should have saved you. Baby, I'm so sorry." 

"Hahahaha," Light heard from somewhere behind him. He felt a pit in his stomach and turned. He saw… himself standing above him and L. But it was not him; it could not be him. His eyes were full of hatred. They were evil. It was Kira. 

"Everything went according to plan," Kira smirked, looking at L. 

"What have you done," Light whispered, barely able to get the word out of his tight throat. 

Kira continued to laugh. 

Light felt anger course through him. Kira was laughing. He just killed L, his baby. L was dead, and that monster was laughing about it. 

"What have you done!" Light screamed as loud as he could. 

"Oh, yes. What have you done," Kira smirk grew wider, and even though Kira had his face, he wanted to punch it. 

"None of this would have been possible without you. You got L to let his guard down, and because of that, he allowed his feelings to cloud his emotions. He allowed himself to reveal a vulnerable part of himself to you," here, Kira started to mock L's 'little voice,' "Wight, snuggles, pwea.' 'Wight, baba, pwea,'" Light clenched his teeth but did not get the chance to say anything as Kira continued, "I don't know how you handled the brat. Still, it certainly did help you get closer to him, so I'm not going to complain. L believed you, even though everything you said was a lie." 

"No! That's not true," Light shouted, tears still streaming down his cheeks. L was not a brat, and he never lied to L.

"Lies from you are always convincing. Especially when you believe them. It is a value. A gift, really. This world is full of rotten, cruel people. People get away with their crimes again and again. Is that the world you want? No, it's not. Someone has to make a stand for justice, and sacrifices must be made. L was on the wrong side and did not understand. He was completely unwilling to change the world."

"I didn't want this!" Light sobbed, "I didn't want L to die." 

"I know. It's been hard on you," Kira said as he knelt down in front of him, and L. Light tightened his hold on L. Even though L was dead, he had to protect him from this monster. Kira was a monster with his face. 

"Look how far you come and how much you've accomplished already. Did you really want to throw that all away for L?" 

"Yes! I would do anything for L," L screamed, "you're a fucking monster. You killed L. L's life was just as precious as anyone else's. If you can't see that, how long until you don't see the value in anyone's life." 

Kira smirked, "look in the mirror. We are one and the same. If I'm a monster, then you are also a monster. If I killed L, then you killed L. You say I don't value life. What about those 12 FBI agents? What about those businessmen? What about all those people that could have been falsely accused? All those innocent lives are gone because of you. You are a monster." 

"No," Light buried his face in L's hair, "I'm not a monster." 

"I am Kira. I am Light Yagami. We are one and the same. You are Light Yagami. You are Kira."

"No, no." 

"No!" Light woke with a start. His cheeks were wet, and his chest was burning. He was shaking. It was a dream, a horrifying dream.

"I'm a monster."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ... Sorry. I'll make it all better next chapter.


	22. Chapter 22

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> L and Light talk... a lot.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is so much dialogue in this one, and honestly I feel like dialogue is a weak point in my writing, so I hope it's not too bad.

"Light?" L asked when he noticed that the younger man started to become upset in his sleep. It started out minor, scrunching his nose and shifting slightly. At first, L thought that it was simply movements that happen during sleep and did not think much of it. A few moments later, Light started groaning slightly. The groans sounded pained. Was Light having a nightmare? It certainly would not have been a surprise to L if Light was having a nightmare. 

"Shh, Light," L whispered gently. He ran a hand through Light's hair in an attempt to soothe him. Thankfully, it seemed to work, and he relaxed into L's hold. He did not stay that way, sadly.

"No," Light groaned lowly, twitching, "L, please." 

L's concern grew when he heard Light mumble out his name. What was Light dreaming of? L thought about if he should wake Light up but thought better of it. There was a possibility that he could help Light calm down so that he could sleep peacefully. 

"I'm here, Light," L whispered, holding Light a little tighter to his chest, "he needs to relax." 

Light remained tense in his arms, and he let out a pitiful whimper, "I'm sorry," Light gasped. He sounded like he was crying. 

L brushed a hand through the younger man's hair in the way that seemed to calm him a few minutes ago. For about a second, Light calmed, but it did not last long.

"I didn't want this!" Light suddenly cried out. L felt his shirt start to grow wet with tears. Light started to shake. Okay, that's it; L was not going to let Light suffer with whatever nightmare he was suffering from. 

"Okay, Light, it is time to wake up," L said, louder than his previous whispers, and he shook Light.

Light made a noise of distress and squirmed away from L. "No, no, monster," Light groaned as if pained. Light started fighting, legs swinging, and squirming and thrashing around violently. 

"Light," L called out again, concern growing for his friend. If L allowed him to continue to thrash around like that, he could end up hurting himself. L shook him once again, harder this time. 

"No, no," Light said, pushing L's hand away. 

"C'mon, Light," L said, sighing at the man's stubbornness, "he needs to wake up now," one final shake woke him up. 

"No!" Light sat up so fast and sudden that if L did not move back, he would have head-butted. Light sat there a second, trying to catch his breath, tears still streaming down his face. L was about to ask if Light was okay (which was a stupid question; he knew that Light was not okay), but Light said, "I'm a monster."

"Now, why would Light say that?" L questioned, causing Light to startle. 

After a second, Light tackled L in a hug, holding onto him tightly, burying his face in L's chest. L was not surprised that Light was seeking physical affection, but he was not expecting to be tackled. He took it in stride, however, and wrapped his arms around the younger man. Light would not be helped if he hesitated. 

"You're alive," Light choked out with a small sob, "Oh, thank god."

"Of course I am alive," L said, looking down at Light, who was now resting his head on L's chest. He rubbed up and down Light's back, feeling slight trembles as he did. So, he must have died in Light's nightmare. 

"I'm sorry," Light sniffled after a few seconds so that he could calm himself, "I'm so sorry." 

"Why is Light apologizing?" L asked. 

"I'm a monster," Light said, a small sob escaping his mouth. He fisted L's shirt terrified that L was going to leave him now that he said it. L must know by now that he was a monster. He was right all along. 

L leaned back slightly and looked down so that he could see Light's tear-stained face. He wiped Light's tears away with his forefinger. "Well, you do not have red eyes or fangs or unnaturally colored fur." 

Light snored at what he assumed was L's attempt at a joke, "you know what I mean." 

"Yes, I presume Light is talking about Kira then," L said, deciding to rip it off like a bandaid. It would do them no good to beat around the bush. 

Light did not answer his question, but his silence and tension were more than enough to answer. 

"While Light was once Kira, that does not make him a monster," L assured. Light was not a monster. He was controlled by one, but that did not make him one. Light did not deserve to think of himself as a monster. L would do anything to make Light believe otherwise. 

"How could you say that. I was Kira," Light looked at L like he was insane. He had killed thousands of people. Of course he is a monster. 

"Was being the defining word, Light," L said, "you are no longer Kira, and as long as you never touch the notebook again, you will never be Kira."

"I know that," Light said, and he never wanted to touch the Death Note. They already talked about that, but that did not ease his fears. 

"What is Light afraid of?" L asked. 

"I'm afraid that I'll turn back into Kira without the notebook. I mean, I've already proven that I have the capability to kill people. What if I just snap and do it again?" Light said in a rush. He did not want to admit his greatest fear out loud, not even to L. L, however, trusted him with some of his greatest fears and the most vulnerable part of himself. So, he could show L that same trust.

"Light has proven himself capable of killing," L said, "which is not too remarkable when one thinks of it. Every human is capable of killing under the right circumstances. And I believe your circumstances are excusable; you were manipulated by a supernatural force. Said supernatural force altered your darkest thoughts and made them darker and murderous." 

"But they were still my thoughts, L," Light said and was going to say more, but L beat him to it. 

"May I ask Light a few questions?" L asked. He had something up his sleeve that might get Light to see the situation how L saw it. 

"Uhh, sure," Light said, thrown off by the sudden change in conversation, though from experience, he knew it was better to go along with it. 

"Light believes that Kira was a monster, correct?" L asked. 

"Yeah," Light responded slowly. 

"And because Light was once Kira, he believes himself to be a monster, correct?"

"L, where the hell are you going with this?" Light asked. Was L trying to make him feel worse about himself? He already knew he was a monster; he did not need L applying logic to his beliefs. 

"I promise my questions will make sense by the end," L promised, rubbing Light's back when he noticed Light was getting angry. "So, please humor me."

"Fine," Light muttered, then nodded presumably to answer L's second question. 

"Why was Kira a monster?" L asked. 

Light pulled away from L's chest to look at the older man. It was apparent why Kira was a monster. Did Light need to answer that? Well, L did ask him to go along with it, and Light's curious nature made him want to know what point L could be trying to make. 

"He killed people, L. That's pretty obvious," Light answered. 

"I suppose Light is correct on that one," L said before asking, "why did he kill?"

"We know this already," Light snapped. 

"Yes, but tell me anyway," L told him. 

"He thought that some criminals deserved to die because of the crimes that they committed."

"And?" L asked; there was more than that to Kira's belief system. 

"He thought he was a god. He thought he could kill criminals to make the world a better place," Light said. 

"And what does Light believe, about criminals, I mean." 

Light did not want to say it out loud. His beliefs and Kira's were too similar. "Some criminals deserve to die because of the crimes that they committed."

"And that is all?" 

"Yes."

"So, Light does not believe himself to be a god?"

"No."

"And Light does not want to take justice into his own hands and kill these criminals."

"No!"

"So, what Light has just told me is that while some of his beliefs are the same as Kira's, most of them are so vastly different," L concluded. 

"I guess," Light nodded.

"Which confirms our theory that a supernatural force controlled Light," L responded, hoping that Light was catching on. 

"And that supernatural force was Kira," Light concluded. 

"Yes, in a way," L smiled, "we know that the Death Note can control and manipulate the actions of people before they die as long as it is humanly possible, yes."

"Yeah."

"So, taking that logic, couldn't the Death Note control and manipulate the one using it and make them do things that, while humanly possible, is not something that would normally do?" L asked. 

"I guess," Light said, "so what you are saying is that the Death Note controlled me and manipulated me until I was not me anymore?" God, he hoped that is what L was saying. 

"Until Light was Kira, yes," L said, "as soon as Light touched the Death Note, he was Kira because the Death Note took control over Light and made him Kira once more. Once he was not touching the Death Note, Light became Light Yagami once again." 

"So, you think that Kira and I are the same person without the same intentions?" Light said. Well, that made sense. 

"Yes," L nodded, "I believe that Kira is a path that Light could have chosen to go down, but that choice was once taken away from Light. Now, Light has that choice again. Light can choose to be good, or he could choose to be bad. And he can choose the million other choices that surround both." 

"I wanna be good," Light said. 

"Then Light is not a monster," L declared.

Light made a noise of confusion, looking up at L with knitted eyebrows. 

"If Light wants to be good, then he cannot be a monster," L said with a small smile. 

"I guess you're right," Light said then sighed, "you're the only person I know that would try and comfort me with logic." 

"Should I not have?" L asked, hoping that logic was not the wrong road to go down. It was the only way that he knew how to get Light to stop thinking that he was a monster. 

"No, it's fine," Light said, pulling himself away from L, "I feel better now, thanks." 

"What're friends for," L said. 

"You're only quoting one of your movies," Light teased as he laid back down on his side, facing L. He might as well try and get some more sleep though he did not know how effective that would be. 

"This might be true," L smiled, happy that he was able to comfort Light. 

After a second of comfortable silence, Light spoke up, "L, can I hold you?" 

"Uhh, sure, I suppose," L said. It was not rare for Light to hold L because L was the smaller of the two, and the position fit into Light's natural urge to protect and L's little side. Light had never before asked to hold him, he asked for a hug, and that was kind of what ended up happening every time.

He wants normalcy, L thought to himself, and this is a part of their normalcy. So, L laid down next to Light without hesitation and allowed the younger man to pull him close. Light sighed and relaxed with L in his arms. Yes, this is how it was supposed to be. 

"Have you slept tonight?" Light asked, knowing the answer, and he did not sleep the night before either. 

"I have not," L said, wrapping an arm around Light, knowing that Light was going to fuss at him. He might as well get comfortable. L was not going to complain about the fussing this one time (possibly). 

"You need sleep, L," Light scolded him, "it's not healthy to stay up for days at a time." 

"I am aware of that, Light," L said, a hint of sarcasm in his tone. Light snorted at the tone and simply held L close to his chest.

"Can you regress?" Light asked after a few minutes of silence. 

"Not right now, no," L told him, looking up at Light's face. 

"Why not?" 

"Well, first off, I do not feel little or the need to," though he could regress if he really wanted to, especially if he was in Light's arms, "and we need to focus on Higuchi and the case. We are almost finished, Light. I promise, after, I'll regress." 

"You say that like it's a gift to me," Light snorted. 

"Is it not?" L asked with a small smile, "I do remember most of what happened when I was sick. Light does enjoy taking care of me." 

"Of course I do, you dork," Light teased, rolling his eyes, "it makes me feel like I'm doing something good." 

"And that is what Light needs to feel right now, correct. He needs to feel like he is doing something good?" L asked. 

"Yeah, I guess," Light nodded. He really did need that feeling. He knew that he could not make up for all the horrible things that he did, but maybe this could be the first step back to being "good." 

"It is alright," L said, closing his eyes, "I can share my coping mechanism with Light," as long as it was a coping mechanism, not a way for Light to hide from his past. 

Light snorted at that, "thanks, L," he asked, resting his head on top of L's

"Light is welcome."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, as you all know, one of my friends reads these chapters before they are posted (most of the time). She told me that she thought that having a story with Little Light and Caregiver L would be cute now that I wrote Light slightly more vulnerable these past few chapters and wrote L giving comfort. At first, I was like "no, not going to happen," but now that I think about it, I could. I would need to think more about it but I could write Little Light with Caregiver L. I feel like it would be interesting if Light had childish things that he did but did not know that it was age regression. Maybe stuff like, when he is really tired he starts getting cranky, or he has an attachment to a stuffed animal or blanket. When L starts noticing these things, he could start to take a more gentle approach towards Light (perhaps Light starts reminding him of the Wammy's Boys) and it slowly turns into age regression. 
> 
> Sorry, Y'all just got a mini brainstorming session from me. I am fully away that I could delete it, but until someone says that my end notes are annoying, I will still do them like this. I like doing them like this, please don't call them annoying. 
> 
> Next chapter, they will talk about what to do with Higuchi (your first assumption is probably correct) and there might be some Little L. Or I'll make this story one chapter longer than I am planning, who knows at this point.


	23. Chapter 23

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Kira case is over.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Posting at 2 in the morning. I don't trust myself. Haha

"You have a choice, Higuchi," L said through a microphone, "you can forfeit ownership of the Death Note, which will cause you to lose all memories of the Death Note, and you can walk free. Or you can refuse, and you will be executed for your crimes as Kira."

"Never. The Death Note is power. I'd rather die powerful than live weak," Higuchi hissed in his prison cell. 

'He doesn't look all that powerful,' Light thought to himself as he looked at Higuchi in a cell with his hands tied behind his back. Much like he had been a few months ago. 'Is that how I would have thought all those months ago? Probably. The only reason I forfeited ownership of the notebook is because I wanted to kill L.'

Light looked over at L, who was sitting in his usual position, also looking at Higuchi. He looked disappointed, Light thought, and he knew why. L never liked ordering someone's death. 

"They are still people, Light," L had said to him once, "even though they have done horrible things, it's not easy ordering them to death or using them. If doing so somehow helps the case or humanity, however, I don't hesitate to do it."

'How could I have ever wanted to kill him?' Light thought, suddenly very guilty, 'no, that wasn't me. I would never want L to die,' just the thought of L dying made his heart ache, 'that was Kira.'

Light closed his eyes. Soon, he would never have to think about Kira ever again, and, if he were lucky, he would be able to stay with L. Light had to fight the urge to smile at that thought (this was not the appropriate time to smile). He would need to break the news to his family that he was planning on working for L for the time being. His father already gave him grief about not going home the past previous couple of nights. He had no idea how he would react to Light's plan to move out and travel the world with L to solve the most difficult and dangerous cases in the world. 

'Hopefully, he is not a jerk about it,' Light thought as he looked over at his father. He was sitting with Aizawa and Mogi, watching as L talked with Higuchi.

"So, what're you going to do with Higuchi?" that question was from Aizawa. 

"Interpol will want an explanation for all the Kiras," L said. 

"So, you're going to pin all the killings on Higuchi?" Light asked. 

"Yes," L nodded, no more explanation leaving his mouth. In L's opinion, there did not need to be any more explanation. It was pretty obvious he was trying to protect Light and Misa by extension. 

"You're going to lie," Aizawa said, already angry at the younger man. 

"Yes, but that should hardly be a surprise," L responded. Before anyone could say anything else, L said, "the Kira case is closed. The team should turn in their reports as soon as possible to Interpol."

"And if we have conflicting statements," Aizawa challenged.

"Interpol is much more likely to believe L over an NPA detective," L said, looking at Aizawa and daring him to put Light's name in his report that would make Light sound like he was involved. L had been working too hard (especially in the last four days) to have Light taken away because of Aizawa. He could make Aizawa's life a living Hell if he desired, and he hoped Aizawa understood that. 

"I will make sure all of our statements follow in line," Sorichrio stepped in, sending Aizawa a warning glare. 

"You are all excused. Thank you for all your hard work," L said.

"Light, aren't you coming home?" his father asked when Light made no move to get up. 

Light hesitated, looking over at L.

"Light should go with his father," L said, "I have some business to take care of, and I believe Light does as well."

"Um, yeah," Light said, standing to leave. Light wanted to ask what business L had to take care of, but he would get that chance later. 

…

Little known fact was that L did like outside. When he was younger, he loved going camping and exploring. Still, as he got older and more and more involved in cases, the more dangerous outside became. Just like right now, outside was dangerous, but this was necessary to finally put an end to the Kira case. 

"Rem said it was buried here," L said to the trees, "let's hope it didn't rot the ground," L took his shovel and started to dig. Luckily it did not take much time for L to reveal the second Death Note. L picked it up. 

"Time to burn the Death Note," L said out loud, "and let's hope that on one comes this way." 

Just as L got the fire going, he heard, "you're L." 

If L did not have his guard up, he would have jumped. He looked up to see a Shinigami, not even two feet away from him. 

"Ryuk, I presume," L said in a cool tone. 

For the first time in centuries, Ryuk was thrown off by a human. He not only had no reaction to Ryuk, but he knew his name. 

"Rem told me," L said after a second of silence. He then picked up the Death Note and was about to put the notebook in the fire. He wanted to get back to the tower as soon as possible so that he could wait for Light. He wanted to regress, and he wanted his paci and blankie and Pomme. He wanted Light to hold him, and he wanted to take a nap. He was sleepy. 

"Wait, wait, L, don't you want to use it? Surely there are a few names that you want to write down," Ryku broke him out of his thoughts. 

"I would rather die," L said, throwing the Death Note into the fire. 

"Thought you would be interesting," Ryuk grumbled, then flew away.

L tried not to think too much on that line. The Kira case was over. He did not need to think of the motivations of a Death God. He was still trying to wrap his mind around the fact that Death Gods and killer notebook existed. He could drive himself mad. 

…

After what felt like forever, which was only about four hours, Light returned to the Task Force Tower. Which he supposed was now 'home' at least for a little while. He entered the Task Force room to see L sitting in front of his computer as always.  
"Hey, L," Light said casually as he stood beside the older man. 

L looked up at Light, "hello, Light," he greeted with a slight enthusiasm in his tone and a small smile. 

"What'cha working on?" Light asked, placing his hand on the back of L's chair. 

"Interpol's report," L grumbled. He hated writing reports, and he would much rather be doing something else. L saved his work and shut down his computer. 

"I wanna hug," L said, looking up at Light with his big puppy eyes and opening his arm wide. 

Light smiled and chuckled at L's straightforwardness, "then get over here, Buddy," he said, pulling L into a tight hug once he stood. L relaxed into the hold easily. His little side wanted to burst through, but he pushed it down for a little while longer. He wanted to ask Light a question. 

"What did Mr. Yagami say?" L asked, lifting his head from Light's shoulder but did not remove his arms from around Light's waist. He did not want to let Light go, and he did not want Light to let him go.

"He wasn't happy," Light said with a sigh, "he tried to get me to stay, but my mother said that I should be allowed to make my own decisions, and that was pretty much it." 

"That's good," L said, resting his head on Light's shoulder again. Snuggling deeper into Light, his need to regress making itself known again. 'Papa's here. Papa's here' L's little side thought, practically jumping up and down in excitement. L was not exactly sure when his little side started to think of Light as 'Papa' and knew he should probably say something about it. Still, the more adult and rational side was slowly giving in to the baby side of him. There was no way to stop it, not that L wanted to. 

"Is my baby here?" Light cooed, noticing the way the L was relaxing and snuggling into him. It was the way L did it when he was regressed.

"Almost," L answered in a quiet voice, sticking his thumb in his mouth to suck on. He was so close to being fully in little space. He just needed one small push. 

He ran his fingers through L's hair, scratching his scalp gently, knowing that L liked that. L hummed as he felt himself drop into little space at the affection. The baby then felt exhaustion hit him like a tidal wave. Stupid big boy him did not know when to go night-night. If he would go night-night when he was supposed to (when Papa or Wawa told him to), then he would not feel this awful when he was in little space. 

"What's wrong, Baby Boy?" Light asked when he noticed L started to squirm and whine and rub his eyes. 

"I sweepies," L sniffled, rubbing his eyes.

"I wonder why," Light said with a smile and slightly teasing tone, "you haven't slept in four days." 

L whimpered, he knew that, but he didn't need Light's teasing. He was just a baby. "Wants baby. Wants ni-ni."

L looked up at Light, and Light saw the tears in his eyes. Poor baby was so tired, he was about to cry. 

"Aww, poor baby," Light kissed the top of L's head, "let's go get you changed, then you can take a nap, okay?" 

L nodded, "I gets baba, pwea?" the baby asked with a smile. 

"Of course you can have a bottle, Baby Boy," Light told L with a smile. 

Light easily picked the baby up as he did not think that it would be a good idea for L to walk and carried him to the elevator. L sighed and wrapped his arms around Light's neck. He loved it when Papa held him like this. It made him feel so safe. 

"What do wanna wear, Baby Boy?" Light asked.

"Panda," L said, reaching out for the pajamas he wanted, making grabby hands. 

"Ya' know, they kind of look like you," Light smiled as he looked at the pajamas. The shirt and pants set were white with little pandas all over them. 

"Naw-uh," L argued, shaking his head. He did not look like a panda! "I wooks wike L."

Light chuckled at that. Why was L so damn cute? "I guess I can't argue with that, Sweet Boy," Light said, kissing L's forehead. 

L giggled and shook his head. Papa could not!

Light then turned to the cabinet with L's diapers and pacifiers. He picked up a diaper and pacifier. 

"Paci, pwea'," L said with a smile, opening his mouth to accept his pacifier. The baby happily suckled on his pacifier as Light helped the baby undress, and he laid him down on the floor. The baby did not like that Light put him down. He wanted Papa to hold him, but he knew that Light could not hold him and change him at the same time. So, he did not complain when he placed him on the floor. 

"Lift up, Sweetheart," Light said so that he could slide the diaper under his bum, "good boy." 

"I gets a baba?" L asked when he was fully dressed, pointing at his bottle, "pwea." 

"Yeah," Light said, picking up both L and his bottle, "do you want milk?"

"Pwea'," L smiled happily with an enthusiastic nod. 

"Sure, Baby," Light responded. 

Light quickly made L his bottle and went to their bed. 

Light placed the baby down on the bed, covered him with his blankie, and gave him his stuffed bunny before lying down with the baby. L was by Light's side in an instant, resting his head on Light's chest. 

"Here you go, Baby Boy," Light said, taking L's pacifier out and replacing it with the bottle. L hummed and closed his eyes, suckling. Light looked down at L and smiled. He could not believe it. After months of hard work, he finally had what he wanted, and he could not be happier. 

"Night night, Baby Boy," Light whispered after the baby was done with his bottle as he ran a hand through L's hair. 

"Ni-ni, Papa," L whispered past his pacifier as he snuggled closer. 

Light smiled. Papa, it worked. 

"Love you, Sweet Boy," Light whispered as he closed his eyes and joined his baby in sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter there will he moments from the next two years.


	24. Chapter 24

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The next two years with L and Light.

After the Kira investigation, Light and L settled into their new lives. The next two years were full of firsts that they will remember until the day that they die, and full of things so common but beautiful. 

…

They had not moved out of the tower yet, Light convincing L to take a break from cases for a few days after the Kira case was officially closed. Within those few days, they mostly caught up on sleep and enjoyed being around each other. It was nice to have the place to themselves with Watari. 

After a few days off, L started getting restless so went back to solving cases, but they had not had to travel for a case yet. Currently, L was in their room at his desk and on his laptop. It was nearing ten o’clock in the evening, and Light was about to ask L if he wanted to stop for the night (and by ask, he means bride the older man with sweets and cuddles) when L suddenly said “Elliot.” 

Thinking that ‘Elliot’ was the name of someone involved in the case, Light asked, “who’s that?” 

“Me,” L said, almost too casually for a guy that is so scared to tell anyone his real name, “Elliot Lawliet, that is my real name.” 

“Elliot Lawliet,” Light whispered, mostly to himself. The name felt foreign on his tongue, but nice at the same time. A strange feeling grew in his chest. Light identified it as gratitude and disbelief. L was showing that he trusted him in the most significant way that he could. L’s true name was potentially dangerous if it got into the wrong hands. Light was aware of the amount of criminals and family of those he helped put away that wanted his head. It was a terrifying revelation and made Light all the more protective of the detective. 

“I still prefer L though,” L said, looking at Light.

“Why do you go by L?” Light asked. 

L hesitated a second, not sure if he wanted to talk about why he went by L. It was not that he did not trust Light, he had just shown that he trusted the younger man with his life, but the memories were painful. 

“I had a little brother and when he was very young he could not pronounce Elliot so he called me L or Elli,” L explained. 

Light felt his heart break at the word “had.” L had a little brother, which meant that his brother was more than likely dead. Light thought about Sayu and could not imagine needing to say “I had a little sister” because Sayu died. Light then remembered Tee, the person that L had a nightmare about when they were first starting to get close. Light had assumed that Tee was either a close friend or a family member, and now Light was damn sure that Tee was L’s little brother. 

Light knew that L’s little brother would be a hard topic for L to talk about. If he wanted to talk about it then Light would listen, but he doubted that L started this conversation with the intent to talk about his little brother. With that in mind, Light decided to change the subject and said, “Elli, that’s a pretty cute nickname,” with a smile that he knew would be comforting the older man.

“Yes,” L nodded with a small smile, “Tee was very cute.”

…

They were in Venice on a case. It was absolutely beautiful and in a way Light wished that they were not on a case so that they could enjoy the city. The case was reaching a slow point as the murderer had not killed in days and they had been over the evidence at least a dozen times. So, mid afternoon Light suggested that they go out. 

“C’mon, L,” Light said, wrapping an arm around the older man, “I’ll be fun, we could walk down the beach and get something to eat.” 

“Can Light buy me gelato?” L asked with his big puppy dog eyes. 

“Yes, I will buy you a gelato if we go out,” Light said and then teasingly pushed L’s head, “and quit looking at me like that.”

“Why?” L asked with the same amount of teasing. 

“Because you know when you give me those eyes I can’t say no to you,” Light said. 

“That is why I do them,” L smiled. 

“C’mon, you nerd.” 

This feels like a date, Light thought to himself as he walked down the shore with L who was enjoying his strawberry gelato. Light had stopped trying to deny that he liked L as more than a friend a long time ago. He basically dropped his entire life to stay with L and solve cases with him, so there was no doubting that he loved the man. The past six months with L had been some of the best in his life. He was doing a job that he loved with his first friend. Sure, he had been popular in high school and college, but he never considered any of those people his friends. Even the women he dated were a cover, he never loved them. L was his equal on so many levels, not just intellect, and he loved L. Light just had no idea how to tell him that. Sure, they shared plenty of “I love you’s” or in L’s case “woves ‘oo” when L was regressed, but that was a different type of love. 

“What is Light thinking about?” L asked as he finished his gelato.

About how beautiful you are, Light thought but said, “about how beautiful the sunset is,” and it was a partial truth, the sunset was very pretty. 

L cocked his head at the word choices, “yes, the sunset is very pretty, Light.” 

They fell into comfortable silence as they kept walking, “I wanna sit down on the rocks and watch the sunset, Light.” 

“Okay, L,” Light said as L took his hand and led him to the rocks. Light blushed. 

“I like this, Light,” L said. 

“Like what?” Light asked 

“I like working cases with Light. I like doing things like this with him. No one’s ever wanted to do things like this with me aside from Watari,” L explained, ducking his head “Thank you, Light.”

“Aww you don’t need to thank me, Hon,” Light said, placing an arm around L’s shoulders, “I also like working with you, L, and I love spending time with you relaxing. I love-” Light cut himself off, his heartbeat doubling.

“What does Light love?” L asked even though he knew what Light was going to say, needing to hear it. 

Light looked down at where the older man was leaning into him. Their lips were so close, just a few more inches and they would touch. It was like their lips were magnets and they could not stop the pull if they wanted to. When their lips touched, it was breathtaking. Light had no idea that such a simple touch could feel like that, like electricity going through him. 

When they broke away, L smiled softly. Light, emboldened by the smile, said, “you, L,” as he ran his fingers through his hair, “I love you.” 

“I love Light as well.”

…

L was in so much trouble. They were working a case where the murderer used bombs to kill his victims. There were always at least two children under the age of 12 involved in the bombing. Light knew that L was on edge from the beginning. He always took cases that involved children more to hurt. 

“They are innocent, Light,” L had told him, “no one deserves to be murdered, but especially not children. They have not done anything wrong.”

They were able to track down where the next murder was likely to take place. Amber and Macy were driving with their children Jack (8) and Rudy (3) along a back country road to go to their friend’s home. Their car broke down on the side of the road. Macy got out of the car to look under the hood, the hood strut broke when she tried to hold the hood up, so she held it open with one hand and tried to figure out the problem. 

This was when L and Light came running. They explained that they were working with the Orlando Police Department to catch the bomber, and that the family were more than likely the next victims. 

“There is a bomb under the car, Light,” L said in a rush, “don’t close the hood.” 

L held up the hood, “get the children and run,” L ordered Amber and she listened, running away. 

“Light should run,” L said calmly.

“I’m not going anywhere, L,” Light said, looking at his boyfriend like he was insane, which he was if he thought Light was going anywhere. 

“I am faster than Light. He should run.”

“L.” 

“Run!” L screamed. They stared at each other for a second before Light ran. 

Once Light was at a safe distance, L counted to ten. He had just a few seconds to run as fast as he could before the bomb would go off. L took a deep breath, dropped the hood and ran as fast as he could. 

Light watched in horror as the car exploded and L fell to the ground. 

“L!” Light screamed, running over to L and dropping down next to him. 

“‘M okay,” L muttered.

“I’m calling an ambiance,” Light said, knowing that L liked to hide injuries and he was not dealing with that right now. 

“No,” L groaned fear in his eyes, “no hospital.” 

“I know you don’t like it,” Light said, “but we need to make sure that you’re okay.” 

As it turned out, for being exploded, L was okay. He had a mild concussion and a few scraps and bruises. They were sent back to their hotel. 

“Light is mad at me,” L muttered. He was currently in bed, propped up by pillows and covered in mounds of blankets. He had Pomme held to his chest, worrying one of her ears between his fingers. He hated it when Light was mad at him. 

“A little bit,” Light admitted. He was mad at L’s reckless actions “you could have died, L.” 

“I know,” L said, “but my life is but a small price to pay…” 

Something in Light snapped at that. He knew that is what L thought of his life. It was not that L wanted to die, but he did not see the value in his own life. This made Light so sad for L and furious at everyone how made L feel this way. 

“Your life is not a small price to pay!” Light shouted as he grabbed L’s shoulders, “how could you think any different? You’re a fucking idiot if you think anything else! You put your life in danger! You could have died and Watari and I would have been the ones to suffer! Is that what you want?”

Light never remembered being so angry at L in his life. Sure, he hit L before during the Kira investigation, but that was more out of annoyance and anger at the situation as a whole and not at L directly. Now, he was mad at L, furious that he could think that he could endanger himself then say that he did not matter. 

Light then heard a sob and froze. He looked at L. He was obviously fully regressed now, covering his ears and crying his heart out. 

“I sowwy, I sowwy. Papa no mowe yewwin’,” L sobbed as he shook his head, shrinking away from Light, “pwea’ pwea’ no mowe yewwin’.” 

Light felt his heart shatter into pieces. He knew how much L hated loud noises and yelling. How could he yell at him like that? 

“I’m sorry, Baby. I’m sorry,” Light apologized, pulling L into a hug. L struggled against Light for a second before he relaxed and buried his face into Light’s chest. “Papa’s so, so sorry for yelling at you.”

“Scawy,” L sniffled, popping his thumb in his mouth now that he did not have to worry about his ears being hurt. 

“I know, Baby Boy, Papa’s so sorry,” Light said, “I love you so much, Baby. I love you so much. When you say stuff like that, I get very upset.” 

“I sowwy,” L whimpered. He did not mean to make Papa upset. He did not want Papa upset and mad at him. 

“No, no, Sweet Boy, don’t be sorry,” Light said while shaking his head, “I shouldn’t have yelled at you now matter how upset. I’m the one that should be sorry, and I am very sorry, Sweet Boy.”

L simply clenched at his Papa’s shirt and snuggled as close as possible. 

“Do you want your paci?” Light asked after a few seconds. 

“Yeah, pwea’,” L nodded, “‘nd baby cwo’es.” 

“Sure, Baby,” Light smiled. He would do anything to make up for yelling at L. He would buy L a hundred cakes if that was what it took to make him happy again. 

They did not bring many of L’s little items when they traveled for cases (the Tower had become their home of sorts and that is where L’s little items stayed) but they brought enough in case L regressed a few times. This includes, pacifiers, diapers, bottles, a few toys, and a few outfits. 

Next thing that L knew he had a pacifier in his mouth and a diaper on and Papa was helping him into a sleeper. 

“Fank ‘oo, Papa,” L thanked with a big smile passed his pacifier, “woves Papa.” 

“I love you too, Baby Boy,” Light said, kissing the baby’s cheek. L took the pacifier out of his mouth and kissed Light’s cheek. 

…

Luckily, getting injured on a case was not a common occurrence at all. Light did not think his heart could handle it if he saw his L getting hurt all the time.

Unfortunately, what was a common occurrence was nightmares. L’s nightmares were about the past. His parents, Tee, BB and A, threats of violence and real violence from criminals were the focus of his bad dreams. Light’s nightmares surrounded ugly, bony monsters with red eyes, killer notebooks, and people (including L) dying from heart attacks. 

Luckily, they had each other when they woke up from a nightmare. They would hold each other and tell the other that it was alright, that they were there for them. 

“We’re broken,” Light stated one night after he woke up from a nightmare. 

“Yes, we are,” L replied, “but we are not broken beyond repair, and this is the first time in my life that I believe that.” 

…

Light trying to force L to relax also was not a rare occurrence. L wanted to work until he crashed from exhaustion, and Light could not allow that. Light learned very early on that trying to order L to sleep or take a break did not work too well, and usually ended in a fight. So, Light had to be creative. They had the agreed upon rules 1. taking a break at least two hours a day and 2. when not working a high profile case, they must stop working by nine (though Light tried to push his luck on this one). On top of those, Light would plan something for them to do at least two times a week. This could be anything from a museum to a walk in the park to Light's personal favorite, movie night. 

Big L liked picking out movies and shows that were stuipd so that they could make fun of them, especially cop movies. 

“Yes, because this how one solves a murder,” L would say. 

“Because you know all about that, don’t you?” 

“Yes, I do. I am the world’s greatest detective alongside you.” 

Little L loved the classic Disney movies. He would snuggle with his Papa with his blankie and paci. Depending on how little he was feeling, he would simply coe at the pretty colors and songs or he would comment on the action of the characters being silly. 

Light would pick out actual good movies (that L would still find a way to make fun of). Light would roll his eyes at some of L’s jokes and laugh out loud at some of them. 

These movie nights, no matter if L was regressed or not, were spent in each other’s arms. Snuggling, eating popcorn, and making fun of movies was the best way to spend the nights, in Light’s opinion. 

…

They said “I love you” at least once a day. It was a little odd for Light because he grew up in a society that did not say “I love you” often but they showed it. Light, however, knew that L needed to hear the words as well as see the actions to back them up. He hardly heard the words “I love you” from anyone, not even his own parents, and the people that did say to, usually ended up betraying him. Light and Watari were the only exceptions to that. If Light thought about it too much, he worried that he might go crazy. 

So, Light said it as much as he would. 

“Love you, Babe,” Light would say after taking him to an art gallery. 

“I love Light,” L would say before buying Light a meal. 

It was how they said and showed their love for each other. To just say it was not enough, they had to show it as well. 

“It has been two year since we closed the Kira case,” L said on the anniversary. 

“Wow, it’s been that long already?” Light said. It did not feel like two year had passed since the Kira case. Hell, it did not feel like he met L three years ago. It felt like just yesterday he saw L for the first time, yet so long as well. “A lot has changed.” 

“Yes,” L agreed, “does Light regret it?” 

“I regret some of the actions that it took to get here,” Light said, “but I will never regret meeting you and everything we have done together.” 

“Do you think we could have met without Kira?” L asked in a quiet tone. Kira was not something that they talked about often as it brought up too many sickening feelings. 

“I don’t know,” Light replied honestly, “I guess we could never know. But, what I do know is, that no matter what it would take, I think that we were meant to be.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope that the ending was not too cheesy for you. I never know how to end my stories without being a little cheesy.
> 
> Thank you to all that have followed this story and commented and left kudos, it means that world to me. I do have some idea for one shots, so if you guys have any ideas, leave them down bellow.


End file.
